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Wooooo it's been a while o__O; |
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lioke a gajillion years, men!
Anyways, things are going great. I finally found somewhere where I can be myself and fit in. Its a dream come true, and its my favourite place in my dirty-a** town I call my home. I've met some amazing people, gotten closer to people I had already known, had some amazing nights and even made a couple enemies, but all is good. What would make life fun if there was no conflict? .... Yeah, nothing.
Although, everything good comes at a price... I promised myself I'd never do drugs and I've found myself in situations where I'm drunk as ******** and my friend is puking on her dog (hahahaha) or getting so depressed I crave a little bit o' da gonjah. But I really haven't smoked up on more than a couple occasions.
I don't want to become like my brother... My mom doesn't deserve that, so I lie to her whenever I go out on fridays... Because about a month ago she picked me up from the place mentioned above (lets just call it "The Place" from now on) and decided that I would "never go to that cave of sin again no matter what", and since then I've gone every week. I don't know , its helping me get out of a terrifying shell i've been in for so long that I never want to go back to. That is, doing everything everyone tells me to. It was scary. I was so afraid of displeasing my brother, my mother, grandparents, friends, and on a lesser extent, my father. Now I'm doing my own thing but I have to lie to do it, which makes me feel kind of shitty.
The Place is somewhere where theres almost no one that I know from my school that I see every day except for my really good friend that I go with named Jenny. Jenny has also helped me get out of the shell and for that i'll never forget what she's done for me whether she knows it or not. Anyways, I tell a couple of my good school-friends what I did on the weekend as a conversation type thing and now one of my best friends wants to go with me there. Well, no. I don't want her to come with me because in all honesty she won't fit in. At all. She's loud, unfunny most of the times, obnoxious at times and to be blunt and shallow, she doesn't know how to dress herself worth two shits. Those kind of people do not fit in at The Place. Plus, she's got so much s**t going on in her life I don't want her going there for the fact that everyone that goes to the Place is a ******** up drug addict, and I don't want her to get into that because she tends to go fully overboard on this kind of stuff, and that worries me. Plus, I don't want her puppy-dogging me (following me around everywhere) all night because I have a lot of friends there and I tend to drift around with Jenny and talk to everyone, and meet people I don't know yet. With her around me she'd act like a repellant to those new people just by being loud and annoying, yanno? I know I'm being mean but I don't want her to be hurt and I don't want everything I worked to get at The Place ruined because she tried to force me into bringing her... So now she's all pissed off at me and s**t and I really don't want to tell her she won't fit in because I -REALLY- don't want to her her feelings because thats not what I'm all about...... I don't know. It makes me feel like s**t. I don't know what to do... MAybe she'll find someone else to go with? But still, I'm worried she'll get into drugs and stuff. oh well... her life, i guess....
Well I gotta go!!! someone called and stuff... yeah lol
McShiver · Wed Jun 21, 2006 @ 09:58pm · 0 Comments |
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