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Vacation is a time to relax and have fun.
But just 3 days into my vacation, I realize that it's not exactly like that.
Vacation can be fun, but the extra time you have leads you to reflecting and deep thinking.
Which also lead me to realize that I am extremely fragile and high-maintanence.
Which is ironic because I can't stand high-maintanence people.
I realized that this whole time I was in denial about my flaws.
(Which also makes me a bit conceited and a hypocrite.)
I thought I was tougher than what I really am.
That I didn't need protection.
But I'm a spoiled baby that everybody works so hard to shield from bad influences.
My brother and best friend almost got into a fist-fight over me.
I got him into my own war.
And I can never forgive myself for that.
All my friends give me great support.
I can never imagine not having them.
I don't think I deserve them.
They always say,"You're too good for that guy anyway." or "They're just jealous."
But maybe they're too good for me and I'm jealous of their stregnth.
I can't believe what a wimp I am.
I can't even fight my own battles.
I've always wanted to protect them.
But I can't because I can't even protect myself.
I'm such a loser.
I feel so low.
And right now I hate myself so much.
 Algun Dia · Tue Jul 04, 2006 @ 12:10pm · 5 Comments |
