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just making a big deal out of nothing. . . . again |
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and other random thoughts for today. . . . emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo for starters, im so sick of people not giving me any room to do anything. outside of the house, i have all the freedom in the world and if i werent so paranoid about getting in trouble or hurt i could get away with anything. my parental units will let me do just about anything. they really dont care. but in the house, i have no room whatsoever. always yelling at me to do stuff for myself and then yelling at me when i do stuff by myself. for instance, any time that i ask/beg/tell them to cook me something, they always yell at me to cook it myself and they complain and in the end i end up feeling awful about myself and not wanting to eat anything if they do cook it. so, just now, i was trying to cook something for myself. i get everything back out, since they put it all away when i was crowded out of the kitchen by geoff, his friends, greg, his friends, the parental units and my "grandma". so, i got s**t when my "mom" realized that i was getting ready to make a mess. of course, i cant wait until i finish. and to make matters worse, my "grandma", queen of tidiness was there to "help" me. so, the skillet is getting hot while im laying in the floor with my cat feeling angsty because my "mom" was giving me s**t. i stand up to take care of it, opening the bag of whatever i was gonna cook, and my "grandma" starts interfering, trying to give me hints, despite that i already know what im doing. but she just keeps getting in my way. i spilled a little on the stove and she kept picking it back up and throwing it into the skillet- completely ignoring that im germaphobic when it comes to my food. but i try to ignore it while she picks up the tiny bit that also hit the floor. "mom" comes over and gives me more s**t. and thats when i just get so frustrated that i lose my appetite and throw in the towel. i left everything where it was and told them that id take care of everything once it cooled down. thats when i come up here and start feeling really depressed. and then she came up a while later to tell me that my food was done. she just came up again to try to get me to eat it now, complaining to someone downstairs about how she "going to have to sweet talk her and beg her to come down and eat it now. and go kiss somebody's a**" (her meaning me) and then tells me that if im not going to eat them, then there are a couple of people down there willing to. and all of this really makes me feel great about myself and wow, i am just so happy now rolleyes stare anywho, thats the way it always goes. if i ask someone to do something for me, theres an argument about how im not doing anything for myself. and if i dont, regaurdless of whether i make a mistake or not, they all try to interfere and yell at me if i make a mess-before i have a chance to clean up. and of course, they can never leave me alone about it, when all i want is to just sit up here and wait for them to go away. emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo
anywho, tonight, because "grandma" was over and because i didnt feel like sitting in my room all evening, i sat down there in our living room watching the news and whatever other boring shows she had on. a segment came on about an common, not-well known sleep disorder that many teens get. so, of course "grandma" believes that geoff may have that. . . . and that me and greg might too. some of it made me really wonder, except that they said that it starts in the teen years and mine would have started when i was 2 or 3. . . . some things about it: often falsely diagnosed as: depression(-could be me) or add/adhd(i always confuse the two so. . . .um) (both could apply to geoff) always feeling tired during the day- yup going to bed but not being able to sleep for hours after- always been me. um. . . . i dont remember much else about it, or what it was called exactly. . . . something about delayed sleep. . . .
more junk . . . . um. . . . i dunno. . . . im kind of hungry, but then again, i usually am, especially when we run out of snack foods. . . . the problem is, now i dont feel like eating or leaving my room. . . . confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused um. i had a weird dream last night. one where i might have had a crush on some kid a few years younger than me that ran off with a bag that contained something important to me. . . . i dont really remember much about it. the only things i remember for sure are that there was a boy a few years younger than me with blonde hair and i had to run down some stairs in some public place and look around for him. other than that, its all just a vague memory of what might have happened. . . . o and btw, i would never have a crush on someone younger than me. i think that people my own age suck, but the younger someone is, the worse they act, especially online. . . . although, now that iv learned even more about some of my older bros friends, im not so sure. . . . im starting to think that they all suck equally. . . . of course, as i used to say, "all guys are assholes, its just that some are better at hiding it than others" . . . . so far, that still reveals itself to be true. the only difference is that ive learned that there are a ton of girls out there just as bad.
________________________________________________________________________________ 07/06/2006 A smooth-talker tries to pull the wool over your eyes with a scheme, but as a wolf in sheep's clothing, you rather enjoy biting your way out. Explode when necessary and prove your mettle.
07/07/2006 Tuck that tongue of yours in a safe place today, because facial expressions and nods should do you just fine. Speak slowly and carefully if you must, and rely on actions way more than words, like a dancer does.
07/09/2006 Why speak before you must? Stay quiet and observe all the details, understand the situation carefully and say only what must be said. In that way, you'll impress all those around you with your maturity and wisdom.
Unni Ineo · Sat Jul 08, 2006 @ 08:35am · 2 Comments |
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