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I... Must... See... Julia... Soon. |
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First and foremost, never ever do anything stupid. EVER. It'll ruin your life, regardless the reasons you did it. I was so close to being able to move, life was looking great. Things were hard because of work, I got treated like a dog and everything, but it was worth it. I'd be moving near Julia soon, every single bad mouth from my bosses, every time I broke my back with splitting wood, the eight hours day walking alone with a weed eater, cleaning toilets, getting bad mouthed from former friends. Everything was going to be worth it.
But then I just had to seek a easy way out, at least for an afternoon. I got the brilliant idea of creating a mess, I'd clean up and get off with some heavy labor, I'd be away from the shop and most importantly away from mitch my supervisor, I despise that man. He talked to me like I was a dog, swore to me at one instance, and around the time I did the painting. I came into work a minute late and asked to work the next day, I was really sick and had a horrible headache. He said "What were you doing? Having sex all weekend with your girlfriend?" I stood there shocked. I couldn't believe what he said, I remained speechless and after a moment kinda muttered, "uhno". He said "I don't care" in a horrible tone, and I went back home.
The whole deal made me insanely mad, I put up with so much from there... I truly hated working there. Not because of the work, but how I was treated and the work they gave me accordingly, over the summer a 17 year old kid was allowed to drive the state trucks, and get put with easy jobs because of it. I nearly nineteen at the time and nineteen now, was not. The bosses clearly had there favorites, even though I worked there since I was fourteen, and the kid had just started. I still got put with the crappy jobs, and treated horribly.
I didn't want to work there, any longer, but my mother refused to listen. I'd bring up times I felt sick, normally due to work. She'd get upset, and accuse me of wanting to be lazy. She called me a free loader once, she doesn't work at all. That really upset me, here I was doing my best and still working, despite everything. Then I get looked at poorly, but it gets better. My grandmother is dying, she has a heart condition. Without her medication, which fails all the time, then she has to change into a stronger dose, her heart rate speeds up. As if she just got done running, it does this to the point. Her hearts weakend, and she only has like 30% use of it left. This is upsetting, my entire family was in a uproar. But for some odd reason, everyone thought I didn't care.
I was looked down upon again, this time by my family. I do care... it's my grandmother, that womans one of the sweetest you'll ever meet. It's just I guess I bottle emotion to everyone except Julia, anyways at this time. I had the stress of work, the stress of family, the stress of losing family, and I missed my girlfriend. I was backed into a corner, I caved and found an outlet. I with the help of a friend, made a mess. Relieved some stress and cleaned it up myself. I had an easy couple after noons. I didn't think it would be a big deal. However, some morons copied, it spread and became a big deal.
A month went by, and someone gave the police my name. I got arrested, and now wasn't able to move. I was two weeks from it, everything I put up with... was for that one thing. Moving to be near Julia, now I have to wait, I have court the 19th and thats just to get an attorney appointed. Theres more hearings, and time just drags on. I need to see Julia again, more than anything. It's been since october now... this is about the longest, we've gone without seeing each other. Tonight, she told me she missed how I was in person, and needed change. We talked a long time, I cried. Yes I cried, I'm six foot six, I don't cry easily.
I just don't want to lose her, we talked and just came to the conclusion, she missed me in person and couldn't take the phone anymore. I was just afraid she wanted someone else. She told me at the start she wanted change and didn't really know what she wanted. At the end, she asked me to look more darker... be more punk, I guess. I was kinda going for that image already, but she said she saw it at school now, and thats what she wants. So I guess, I'll find my old dark clothing. I blame my friend Jacob, and her wanting my hair darker. He just dyed his hair black... so she saw that and yeah.
Anyways, that stuff doesn't matter, I'll dress how I used too, and I'll work out untill I can't move. I'm still in decent shape, haven't gained any weight, but I guess I'll do that to help with the image... Anyways, my biggest fear is, that she'll get tired of waiting and leave me. She'll find someone else, whos like that and in person, and I'll get forgotten about. It's happened to me once before, but in that case the girl and I werent dating, just getting to that point. But she stopped talking to me completely, after so much time went on and I wasn't there.
I nearly did... forget it. I just don't want that again. I truly and sincely care for Julia, more so than anyone. I mean it when I say "I love you" It's just she makes everything I've gone through, worth going through. I've done all what I mentioned above about work, for her. I got the job so I could move near her. It's just the one stupid act I did... screws everything up. The first though that went through my head, when I was arrested wasn't "I'm in trouble and I'm going to have to pay money!" It was "Oh no I won't be able to see Julia and she might get tired and leave!" I love her, and I want to be with her. After our whole talk, we were fine and were still together, she said she was glad things like that happen, she learns more about me when they do.
We're fine, I just need to get down there... she said were good but the fear is still there. I don't want left... just because I can't do something. This has just been an upsetting night, I cried... and yeah. I'll do anything for you Julia. I love you, just please hold on for me. You really do mean the world to me, I just have to get through court... and then I'll be there with you.
Yeah that was directed to her, I don't know when she'll read this... but anyways, after the upset, we talked about the darker look thing, before her I used to go for it, just with her I cut my hair at first and wore school clothes, so her parents would like and trust me, I showed her this picture of me from last december, of how I used to present myself.
She said, "OMG I didn't know you could look like that... I love it." She obviously, like that look on me. Which is fine, I liked myself that way, it's how I look now though my hairs longer, but she can't really tell on my horrible webcam. The last she saw me, my hair was shorter. Because I cut it, when I went to see her parents again. But before that, I showed her a picture I made in paint, the night before. To show her, I liked that sort of thing.
This is it, I made it in paint, it started as a few scribbles and went from that, the head on the ground, actually started as a rock. Anyways, I told her everything on how I was and like myself, and she just wants me to act crazy and fun, like I always have, she likes that, and just misses how I was. It's understandable, I miss her too. But anyways, I just pray that things will work out, I just hope I'll be fine with court, and I'll be able to move as soon as possible. Or at least, see her soon. I really do love her... I hope she really knows it. I mean, who else would spend several hundred dollars, just to see someone? Who else would spend money, on phone cards and things just to talk with them? I spend a good 300 or more every visit, with her. To me it's worth it, but I just don't know, any other guy. Who would do so much, for one girl...
Maybe I'm mistaken, maybe all guys are like this... I just know, none of my friends will even call there girlfriends, on a regular basis. But anyway, I'm done. I rambled far to long, I know I went in and out of making sense, and my topic changed several times. I'm just overly stressed, I just want everything good again.
~DJ Bothwell
 XDvandalDJ · Thu Jan 06, 2005 @ 07:51am · 5 Comments |
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