Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

This has nothing to do with chickens. So dont ask...

Okay so I've basically been babysitting Alex since I woke up this morning. And I am still babysitting. (Right now he's in his room. I sent him there cause he was pissing me off. More on that later.)

To recap my whole day lets start at the beginning. Dad woke me up this morning and said I had to make a collage for my mom's fundraiser for her company that shes holding tonight. It was 1 when I got started on it and had to be done by four. I finished at 5. That was when my mom got home and had to leave again. I havent talked to her at all this week, it seems like anyway. She's been at my grandpa's since last weekend. I went with her on monday and tuesday, after spending the whole weekend there, and then she left without me wednesday thru friday. She stayed there again last night and is hopefully coming home tonight. But I dont know. It really sucks when I dont get to talk to her. But then again when she's constantly bugging me to ask the guy I want to homecoming it's kinda nice not talking to her. Aye-ya....

I dont know if I'm doing this enter button thingy right either. We'll find out soon enough. So anyway the collage thing took me 4 hours to do. Gawd I was sweating by the time I finished it. So my dad left the house at like 1:30 and didnt get home til a little after my mom got home then he left again. I've had to take care of Alex for so long its been driving me crazy. He's supposed to finish his book by monday and he isnt even half done yet. So I was told to have him read it. Too bad Bobobo-bo-bobo came on and he got distracted. I told him he could watch Naruto and when that was over to read. He had to book in his hand as he watched the show. -_- I turned the TV off, he yelled and I yelled back - winning that little argument. A few minutes later, he said he'd finished one chapter and was done for the night. I said no and to keep reading. We got into another argument when I told him he had to read 4 chapters. I said fine read 3. He said he was only reading one more. So I said fine. Dad will just yell at him tonight and take away his video games and freedom tomorrow until the book was done. He yelled, I yelled, he threw a fit. I told him to go to his room, he said I wasnt in charge, I said, yes actually I am and if he didnt go up to his room this instant I was calling dad and he could scream at Alex. Needlessto say Alex stomped up to his room, slamming and punching anything in his way. I'm glad Kaia wasnt near him.

So here I am trying to enjoy the rest of my evening as much as I can. I wanna write my Shaman King fic but I'm just not motivated, I wanna write my YuYu fic - not motivated, I wanna write my Zatch Bell fic - again not motivated, I wanna start a new fic on something else - not motivated, I wanna work on my comic, I wanna get it published I want to do a whole lot of things but I just dont have time or the inspiration. Its always one or the other. I want a date for homecoming. I want to have fun at homecoming, I want to be excited about homecoming. I'm not. I want to have a life outside of school and home, I want to be able to drive, I want all of my friends to be happy and when my friends are down I want to be there to help them back up. I feel like I need to do something. I want Nick to give me the $48 he took from me, I want Lynsey to give me the $20 she took from me, I want my mom to finally pay me for everything I've done around the house, I want my dad to stop taking me on these guilt trips when I'm doing the best I can right now, I want Alex to respect me a little more, I know i'm not the best sister in the world but I'm trying to be better and its hard when he doesnt help me along the way either. I want my grades to be better, I want to stay healthy and not get sick this year, I want to try and do A+ but dont know if I qualify, I want to help everyone, I want to be better - at what I dont know I just do.

I want Emily to find someone who will love her unconditionally. I want her to treated like the princess she is on the inside. I want her to drop Sean and Matt. Sean is an a*****e and she needs to just get over him. She can do so much better. And Matt doenst sound all that great from what I hear from Jackie, Brandan, and Logan every 3rd hour. I wish she could just see passed all these lousey guys. She met a great guy at the football game a few weeks ago but she was too vain - he wasnt good looking. But he was great! He was so mice to her. And he wasnt concerned about going up her shirt. I love her to death but she has poor judgement when it comes to people in general. But thats only because she had a poor role model. "Father's be good to your daugheters. Daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers. So mothers be good to your daughters too." - John Mayer: Daughters. Everytime I hear that song I think of Emily.

Why does it seem like everytime I'm on the bus on my way home from school, I always have these serious thought that just come into my head. I just sit there looking out my window listening to my MP3 player and I think. The most odd thought will come into my head. The most serious thought will just pop in there and I seem to get lost in my head. I have these times of the day where these thought just come to me. Like right now. Everything that's happened to me this week is now pouring out onto the keyboard and I cant stop it. I could go on forever. Everyhing thats wheled up in the back of my head it pouring out. When I'm in the shower I think of my stories or my comic or my creative thoughts. When I dream I have these most bizzare dreams. People think I'm lazy because I sleep for like 14 hours on saturdays. But if I had the choice I would sleep forever. I love to sleep. I love the visions that pop into my head. I sometimes wish I could just stay in this dreamland and never come out of it. Or if I did, everything would be perfect and everything would be as it should.

I really am writing a lot. But I just cant seem to stop myself. I guess I just need to get some of this all off of my chest. I dont even care if nobody reads this.

I hate people that judge you by what you like and how you look. I was talking to this one kid in my 6th hour. He's a friend of Ian's. We were talking kinda laughing a bit. That same day when I went to my 7th hour, he was there too. I was bored and was drawing and he came over to me. He said "I didnt know you where in this class with me too." I said yea. Then he said, after looking at my notebook. "I didnt know you drew that anime stuff." After that he just sort of walked away. We havent really talked since. I hate people that dont like you or judge you because your a little different or you like different things. Another time when I really seriously think is when I'm walking through the halls going to my next class by myself. Not with my friends but just by myself. I often wonder if people will see me in the hallway and think "Wow. Shes really beautiful." I mean there has to be someone in that school that looks at me and doesnt think "Uh shes so hideous" or "look at her she likes anime what a weirdo"

This girl came up to me when I was really upset last friday. I told her about my horrible week and how I thought the guy I liked was ignoring me. She said "If he's ignoring you then its not worth it. You deserve someone so much better." And while thats true, I couldnt help but think - thats easy for you to say. Your gorgeous. Guys would be fighting eachother just to LOOK at you. I'm not so lucky. I cant just say oh he's ignoring me guess I better go find someone else. People dont seem to realize that it's so hard for me to get guys to just look at me. I mean I know i'm not the best looking girl around but I at least like to think that I look semi-average.

I dont know. A lot has just been going on in my head and I guess I needed some way to get it out. It taken me almost an hour to vent this much and I know its a lot. But I really needed to get it out. Now I have to go. Alex was supposed to feed the cats - that was the agreement - but he decided he wanted to go to bed and when I remeinded him it was his turn to feed them he just told me to shut up. I really cant put up with him much longer. And my parents cant seem to understand that. Oh well. Guess I'll just have to put up with it until I go to college.

Thanks for listening to anyone who did. Guess this was my mini one person bitchfest - without Kaiba and Dannie. Goodnight everyone.