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I'm so afraid of change. of getting into trouble, of people dissaproving of me...of the things i love and care about, i hate when people give me crap bout my boyfriend, work, what i wear, read, look, I wont even play DDR when people are home.....i'm so afraid my parents...my dad terrifies me...i can't ask him for help becase i'm so afraid of his dissaproval...my mother i feel i have to guilt her into loving me sometimes, guilt her into braiding my hair....my brother went to Iraq for the past year, came back june 2006, i got really depressed, because he was all my mother cared about, mind you, my mother is awesome, i really love her we get along very well...anyway ........she even wanted to postpone christmas for him and it was like 'HELLO...you still have a daughter!!!!!!' but my dad was like 'umm no...u have a daughter...' <----not the exact way it panned out...anyway yeah got real depressed, cause i needed love and really wasn't getting it....my boyfriend kept me from getting to depressd...............no real way to explain i cause i didn't even relize it myself for a couple months.......
i'm so afraid of change, as my mom likes to tell people, i cried when i got new windows when i was like 7....i dont like new people in the begining,
i'm very lazy, i wish everything was handed on me on a silver platter...that every thing fell into place for me......i don't like working for things, i dont like competition,i don't like confrentation, when things go wrong, i just hope that magcially they'll get better if i want them too. i won't have lost the people who were most important to me if i had just worked for them.
growing up, things were just taken care of for me, lazy about homework and projects, i couldn't drive my car for a month when nobody got my car inspected for me, i thought my dad and uncle where going to talk care of it, just like they had for everything else for my car.
....write more later, getting to un-depressed to kept writing this.
 Riyu_Nailo · Thu Sep 28, 2006 @ 01:30am · 1 Comments |
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