Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

It is a well-known fact that Segway scooters can be a source of great comfort in times of stress. In fact, I would posit that there is no situation that cannot be lightened by the presence of a Segway, something that I started thinking about in great depth when I was biking behind some guy who was actually on a Segway.

So, I started running through a few dramatic scenarios, and they all wound up being funny with the addition of a Segway.

First off, my mind wondered to the most overly quoted line in the movie industry. Then I reworked the scene with a Segway.

LUKE: He told me enough. He told me you killed him.

VADER: No, Luke. I am your father!

C-3P0 [driving past on a Segway]: Oh, my!

Of course, my mind wouldn't shut up there. I found out that it also works with literature, such as the book I'm being forced to read again in English: 1984.

"He loved Big Brother, who whizzed through the streets on his brand-new Segway scooter."

Music isn't safe either.

"Why she had to go,
I don't know.
She wouldn't say.
I said something wrong,
Now I long for my Segway."

About the only area where it doesn't work is my math textbook, which is so profoundly boring that the only conceivable way to make it even vaguely interesting is to set it on fire, perhaps with a flaming Segway.

And on a completely unrelated note, I finished Final Fantasy IX. I took my time on this one, and I ended logging more than 100 hours. It's good that I beat it, because now I can finally get back to doing homework, which has been piling up even more than I usually allow it to.

Still, it ended up being a great game. Despite all the time it took, after seeing the ending, I was so incredibly satisfied that I literally thanked the game. I thanked it for allowing me to play it, for giving me a good ending, for keeping me entertained and even fascinated, and for just being there. Even worse, I actually meant it. Sure, it's kind of pathetic, but I thought the part at the end where the guy wishes on the moon was pretty cool, especially considering his wish. I saw it coming, but I still enjoyed seeing exactly how it all played out.

And now, I think I will go to bed and not fall asleep. Insomnia is not the sort of thing I thank for existing. Unfortunately, it is another area that can not benefit from the addition of a Segway.

ME: Ugh... I haven't slept in two nights.

FRANK JAMES [driving past on a Segway]: That sucks!

ME: Whoa! A Segway! That's so... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

FRANK JAMES [robbing me blind]: Works every time.

JESSE JAMES: Aren't we dead? Like, for about a century and a half?

FRANK JAMES: You'd be amazed what a Segway can do.

Or something like that.