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Thoughtless for A Topic.((Rant, don't bother reading x3))
I just wanted to ramble somewhere about my goings on, and I don't have to hear any immediate commentary. xp So. Familar with the phrase 'home by halloweener'? Yeah. I don't think that'll be me, as much as I kinda wish it was. I've been pushed all summer long to get in college, because everyone says to keep going and don't stop. That's bull. I'm thinking the same thing I thought when school ended, 'I want a break, I don't want to do this again, at least not so soon.' the only difference is I'm saying it now, loud. How can you expect so much out of me when my heart's not in it at all? Don't get me wrong. I was happy when I was accepted and all, but really. And this chaotic summer didn't help any. All summer long I was running back and forth taking tests, no matter what was going on at home...my mom took me everywhere I had to go, in between taking my uncle to the doctor. And when he died, and my last test was scheduled on the same day as his funeral, you can bet I was distracted all that morning. I felt so bad when I tried to do my best as quickly as I could, only to get there late and miss seeing him one last time. God, the last time I probably saw him was in MAYBE early June. The funeral was in August. And all that, just for me to show up everyday on that campus to try not to fall asleep and count the minutes until I could go home again. Why are folks so hardheaded?! Then a few weeks ago, my mom finds out she's a diabetic. That is something for me to comprehend, I felt then like she was condemned, never to eat sweets again or die. Now I know that's not the case, but that's not my point either, if that makes sense. Now more than ever I feel like I'm missing every little bit going on while I'm gone, and I worry. Excessively. Borderline paranoia, really. I can't help it though. Mind you, this is not helping my grades at all. I don't care how fun it is to sit in on my sociology class and listen to a debate about whether or not marijuana should be legalized and why, it isn't enough to balance it out. And recently, one of my best friends was hospitalized, because of blood clots in her arms. That's just...ugh. Once again, more on my mind. Bah, I say. Bah on it all. There was something I wanted to say but it's gone now. Isn't that how it always goes...I'm most definitely rambling, so I'll just hush now.
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