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*relaxes finally* it rained so hard today whee and now the sky is beautiful. the clouds glide rapidly across the light blue/orange sky. . . . the trees are vibrant with life renewed by the rain, darkened trunks and branches, lively, yet dying leaves. . . . a forceful wind causing trees to bend and sway and sigh . . . . and then a gentle breeze that barely ruffles the tips. . . . there are few things as beautiful as a storm. things like the purified world brought by the storm or the midnight sky, in any weather. . . .
i suppose now would be a good time to say my final farewells to summer. . . . goodbye to those lovely late august nights. . . . where the air is warm enough to run around in comfy, think clothing, short sleeves, flowy clothes. . . . yet cold enough to get by with wearing pants. . . . still able to run around barefoot without the slightest bit of misery. . . . the breeze, strong enough to move you from the inside out, but still gentle and calm. . . .
well, enough of that for now. . . . maybe ill do this again real soon. . . . maybe not. . . . ive been so stressed out that when i felt the relaxation for a few minutes just now, i knew i could write something about beauty and joy. . . .
now i shall whine about art sweatdrop um, so, i live for art, right? but ap art makes me so miserable that i dont want to touch it or think about it anymore. . . . in other words, i pretty much hate art now, for the most part. . . . which means i have no reason to live, right? nononono i would never actually kill myself, but i must say i am rather miserable about it. . . . i dont want to do it as a career or anything anymore. all the fun and joy and freedom i felt. . . . art was like wings for me. . . . but now its like an anchor or cement blocks around my feet as im thrown into a pit of onion soup (id say a lake or ocean, but water is happiness sweatdrop heart )
which remindes me, bottled water = happiness in a bottle whee 4laugh
okee. . . . but yeah. . . . so iv been stressing constantly over art lately, and am now too, since my freeness wore off after my ramblings about summer. . . .
um. . . . yeah. . . .
i cant remember what i was gonna say, so erm, actually i think i said all i was going to. . . . confused
except that ive gotten sick and annoyed at almost every song ive tried listening to on my computer lately. . . . i cant listen to anything with a guys voice, or anything rockish, or industrial, or heavy, or techno and light. . . . i can only really listen to the piano stuffs i have that has this way of striking my gut, and most often times depressing me, but even that is hard for me to listen too. . . .
ugh. . . . anywho, now im done. . . . cuz im bored. . . . -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- scratch that 4laugh
i just looked out my window. . . . the world is inshrowded in grey blue purple darkness. . . . its mystifying and beautiful. i dont know how anyone can not find such a sight as anything short of beautiful. id take a stormy day over a sunny day anyday! besides the sun depresses me, as iv said a billion times before, taking all mystery, adventure, romance, danger, emotion. . . . out of life. . . .
o and the thing i wanted to say about art, is that i feel like artists are the people who truly get the most out of the real beauty in the world. . . . i notice things about things i never would think of looking for if i werent looking at it with an artistic eye. . . . colors, depth, reflections, shadows, intensity, reflective color, form, contrast, mood . . . . so many things that some people have probably no idea what they really mean. . . . i feel special because of art. . . . i use my eyes to get enjoyment out of the world. images inspire me. nature inspires me. life inspires me. darkness and purity (night and rain) . . . . how can anyone not love to look at these things for hours on end?? in fact, how can anyone dislike it. . . . ?? running from the rain, taking shelter as though if a single drop hits you your flesh will be torn deep enough to scar. . . . locking themselves in at night as thought the darkness and stars and moon are the enemy and not the horrible people that act without any consideration or moral. . . .
did i mention that i have a rather scrambled "religion", if you can call it that? basically, my "religion" is based on the feelings i have about nature and certain religions. . . . like, i believe people should try to enjoy nature as it is, without needing technology or anything to keep themselves entertained i think that there is a good chance in reincarnation, or the reformation of spirits from one life to another, as though they were recycled basically, without having to live out the same things as they did in past lives. . . . karma not affecting, but reflecting on your current life or the next one like if you were a suicidal, depressed girl in one life, a little japanese boy who died in a car crash or a fire or something, you could actually see these people in your current life if you look in the mirror at certain times when they show through. . . . and you can sometimes feel and act exactly how they did, but also with your own individual thoughts and actions and morals. . . . and well, im pretty much still pasting together what all i believe, but, i dont believe in marriage, in most cases i believe that relaxation and emotions and experiences are the main reasons for living. . . . if you dont have time daydream or think or do some kind of self-expression and you dont get to experience anything and youre always stressed out and stuck in the 'real' world, then you may as well be dead and um. . . . yeah. . . .
thats about it for now. . . . if i think of more, ill be sure to add it. . . .
Unni Ineo · Thu Oct 12, 2006 @ 12:13am · 4 Comments |
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