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yar. . . . um. . . . so, here i am being emo kid. . . . cuz i aint heard from anyone since school earlier today and i keep thinking up things to stress about. . . . and "mom" has been rather intolerable lately. as in, now all i ever hear out of her is how i should be doing something or how much she hates driving me in the mornings. . . . everyday i wake up to her asking me, earlier than our agreed upon time, if im up yet. . . . and i say one thing, trying to negotiate so that shell quit doing that, and she instantly goes off on me. . . . telling me that we are late every day and that we rush everyday and that its all because shes not supposed to come make sure im up unless it hits a certain time. . . . so, thats what i hear about all morning until we get in the car, and then its all about how she hates driving me and then she goes back to the whole issue of her thinking she needs to get me up in the mornings. . . . if im lucky, she decides to complain/cry about geoff being a hateful b*****d, which hes gone back to doing. . . . and of course, i tried to get her to quit since seeing people sad/crying/hurt really affects me in a bad way, and she wouldnt stop. . . . so yeah. . . . then i went through the school day as though it were any other day. . . . because it was. . . . same story, little sleep, complaining parental/arguing, school. . . . and then i got home. . . . and all day, all iv heard out of that woman is things that i need to get done or should be working on. . . . i mentioned to her that i need to get paints this weekend and started making an issue out of it, thinking we needed to go right then. . . . then she got on me about slides that are due tomorrow and kept complaining about how the day i scheduled my slides for is keeping us from doing anything over the long weekend rolleyes stare like id want to go anywhere with them when all i hear from them is complaints about me and what i am or am not doing. . . . and she kept asking me if i was working on my next art project and its been like this for weeks, but at least then i could stand it because there was a little something in with it. . . . now its all there is. . . . i hate it. . . . it drives me insane it enrages me . . . . it annoys me . . . . it upsets me . . . . it is completely the opposite direction of what the councilor said we needed to work on. . . . o and anytime i bring up counciling, its completely pushed aside, unless it can be used against me. . . .
im cold i dont want a shower cuz im depressed and cant get myself near water i wouldnt mind going for a walk. . . . i havent gone on one all week. . . . but its so cold cry
so, anywho . . . . iv been alone pretty much all day, or so it feels that way. . . . i know i had classes with friends and i know i talked to them, but i cant remember any of it. . . . it all feels so distant and my mind draws a blank . . . . no, not blank, its created this image of me being apart from everyone all day. . . . i know it wasnt at all like that. . . . but my mind has twisted it or something. . . . of course, thats not the only thing. . . . all day, i was offline, and then i got on and no one was on anymore. . . . . i was alone. . . . v called . . . . or was it "mom" that called v first? i dunno, i didnt get to talk. . . . so, ive been alone in my room and i came out . . . . went down stares and hung out with greg and his friends until they went to the basement to watch some movie greg says he wont let me watch because of how "bad" (as in needs a rating of like pg 50 because of gore, words, nudity. . . . ) its called cannibal holacaust. . . . i watched the beginning, up until they found the first body. . . . didnt mind that so much, but then the nakie girl showed up and they were about to shove a huge, sharp rock . . . . well, lets not go there. i didnt watch that part. . . . so, i was alone again except for "mom" or tai. . . . and we all know how "affectionate" tai can be rolleyes and how things have been with "mom" lately. . . . so, ya, im kinda just . . . . alone. . . . even techno-y music isnt helping. . . . o well. . . . ill live. . . . somehow confused
i want warmth. take it however you want, because chances are, no matter how you interpret that, its probably true. physical warmth love kindness caring literal/figurative either way, its true
Unni Ineo · Fri Oct 13, 2006 @ 03:26am · 2 Comments |
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