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Confucianism: Confucius say, "s**t happens."
Zen: What is the sound of s**t happening?
Catholicism: If s**t happens, you deserved it.
Hinduism: This s**t has happened before.
Agnosticism: You can't prove any of this s**t.
Judaism: Why does s**t always happen to us?

s**t happens in science and math:

Statistician: There is an 83.7% chance that s**t will happen.
Einstein: s**t is Relative.
Theoretical Physicist: s**t SHOULD happen.
Chemist: I hope this s**t doesn't blow up.

s**t happens in various professions:

Doctor: Take two shits and call me in the morning.
Mafia boss: Rub the s**t out.
Accountant: Why doesn't this s**t add up?
Waitress: You want fries with that s**t?
Lawyer: For the right price, I'll get you out of ANY s**t.

s**t happens everywhere else:

Vegetarianism: If it shits, don't eat it.
Existentialism: s**t doesn't happen; s**t is.
Communism: It's everybody's s**t.
Energizer Bunny: s**t happens and keeps going and going and going and going and...going and....
Alcoholics Anonymous: s**t happens -- one day at a time!