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Okay...now I know by the title of my journal you should know....that I am a failure....

To add to this status....well I'm screwed in pretty much all my subjects....
I haven't told my parents nad I got parents evening coming up....how am I meant to tell them that I'm doing terrible in all subjects....

Okay...I'm at sixthform...which I am hating...I'm presuming...because I can't tell what I feel anymore...other than completely unmotivated....

All I know is that I'm dreading every day spent there...the high lights of my weeks are actually working...because at least I get paid for a job I seem to be enjoying...
Now...there is something wrong with that sentence...The ENJOYING WORK bit is terrifying prospect.....

and in case you don't believe me....

Biology: Unit 1 test= D
Unit 2= U

Chemistry: Unit 1: U
Unit 2: C

English: Poetry essay: D
Emma Essay: no marks back.

Psychology: Unit 1: U
Unit 2: B

General studies: D

That's terrible...and talk about failing...I've already got two cause for concerns for biology...I'm ran down...it's effecting my working...I keep messing everything up....I've annoyed work people....and well...if I keep this up...I'll be kicked out of sixthform and fired...parents will kill me...

fortunately....death I believe to be blissfull...and hell I need motivation....

I cried on my friend's shoulder last sunday as I realised what I truly was....a shell with out a soul.....w00t...

^_^ As you can see my life is going well...offline.....

However...I plan on making some gauntlets as a project in hope of motivation and happiness....only I hope that when I wear them to sixthform I won't get done for having a 'weapon' and having the police arresting me....
because knowing my luck it will happen....and it will be the one time my ability to break anything and everything by being near it (Being serious...honestly who else can break a bed by getting their arm singed....who can break a computer by walkign in the room and the side suddenly come flying off....not many people....), won't work...when I actually need it....so I won't be able to break free from the hand cuffs...and my parents will resent me forever...and tell me I'm stupid.....

Of course I already know I am....

As well as that....today....I drunk(3 1/4s of the bottle) some sort of happy drink....it was a drink which was 33% caffine....it lasted two seconds before I crashed into...where ever I was (I really can't tell if I'm depressed or happy anymore...it all seems the same...though everyone else knows.)
I'm not sure whether I suffer from 'mild' psychotica(basically bieng a psycho...since most of my friends get worried when I have really messed up highs(no I'm not on drugs...though sometimes I wish I was...so I had an excuse to feel messed up) and are worried about me actually killing someone in this state....

Also my teacher(psychology) went through all this stuff about manic depressives...and scarily enough I could tick 99.9% of the boxes...which is very worrying.....

What the hell am I meant to do???? Too many fears...to little time...and my mind is begging for peace....so I can sleep well...again....and not have Gaara(from naruto) rings around my eyes...(no I'm not a Goth...that's jsut from sleep deprivation....like Gaara's. ^_^