|
|
|
Out of one mood and into another....and the only reason I'm posting this here is cause no one will read this.
The ulitimate guilt, is to do something, so the other person won't leave feeling un-loved.
what i have always dislike bout having a boyfriend, no one likes. took forever for my family to warm up to him, my friends never liked him, no matter how happy he made me. It bad enough i kant tell anyone anything......i have to really trust you and know u and spend loads of time with you before i start to come clean. what i always wanted was to tell people, a friend, about justin, not just how happy he's made me, or whatever....not like i told anyone cause they didnt like him so i wouldnt tell them anything.....but i wanted to also tell them, how unhappy he has made me at times, about the fights we've gotten into, about things hes done to frustrate me, ask them what should i do when I ******** up too. We had a big problem right after he left for college and i only recently told 1 person(besides my mother), and that was my buddy at work. him and i can talk bout relationships and pretty much anything cause of all the time we've spent together and i guess the fact that we're friends who can talk and help each other out, but never see each other otherwise helps.... i dont need any of my friends advice to be 'hes a d**k' 'dump him' etc to be their advice.....yeah he is a jerk.......better then the a*****e he was when i first meet him....till mom and i got him to learn manners and what not.....background info: my boyfriend has come from a very ******** up childhood.......u get a slight understanding of it just by looking at his family tree....it has more spilt ends then...well me.(which probily is a lot, considering i'mcome pairing it to his family)
I really wonder why he even puts up with me....this weekend was good....and i ******** it up....i hate talking bout my feeling and problems....i always feel them make things worse....i feel like s**t even now. and i really wonder why i put up with him
but i know the answer is easy we honestly love each other....we put up with each others s**t very well. we're really there for each other and we're honest with each other...i can be honest with him and that says sumin............... and this one ring he gave me makes me smile all the time......is the most beautiful thing and he gave it to me, to show his love to me, i'll wear it always and keep that promise we made to each other.
writting about how much i love him is making me feel better...but that remaining cookie doug ice cream will seal the deal....(so good ^-^)
i wish for a lot of things but a lot are what i need i wish some of those (friends) remaining would talk to me more......bet they dont even relize how important they still are and are to me.
Kevin.....I'll love you forever, and ur still one of my closest friends. Siobhan....thank god you didnt leave me alone, I love u very much. Ian......UR AWESOME! thank you for putting up with my s**t. heart ya . Neuman.....I'm so glad we still 'click' love u, no matter what is between us
Justin.....I love you. thank you so much for being in my life, for being my life.
Once again to who ever reads this, thanks. I feel a lot better....i just needed to talk and justins not here right now for me to hold and love and patch our problem. i wish i could, i love you so much justin.
Riyu_Nailo · Tue Nov 14, 2006 @ 05:04am · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|