Woke up.
Did the same as the last 15 years.
Presents.
Presents.
Too much food.
Only this time with a difference.
Too much alcohol.
Like to note down I love my family & friends.
I respect them very much.
heart My Whole family is in my heart today and always has been.
But which friends Know I really appriciate being here?
heart Hayley, my best friend in the whole ******** world <3
heart Teru, oh yes hes a know it all only cause hes a grandpa now and hes getting on a little bit. . . too much, love him though <3
heart Thor older gaia brother, a little too close for comfort lol. Dont talk much now, guess hes too busy with his more important friends & family.
heart Matt my little gaia brother, get what ever her name is means more, but I always did find her rather UN-delightful
Jeez why am I being such a ******** b***h tonight?
Any way carrying on, if I havn't mentioned your name yet Ive forgotten you through the brick wall of alcohol.
Last but not least of course.
heart Eros Anthony, oh yes I liked him very much, made me laugh, smile, made me feel wanted and all special inside kind of roasty toasty. I really thought I was special neutral But I guess not turns our Eros this guy I liked turned out to be this GIRL. Now I have no problem being attracted to a girl cause I like to think that I bat for both teams, a little strange for me eh? Do I care no, I am what I am.
Now you see I need an explination and I havnt got one yet, looks like Eros has been ignoring me or is too afraid to tell em the truth which is fair enough.
But I mean come on, I start talking to this person whom I think is a guy. .
Summer time its so magical all fun like "be right back, im going to bbq with my family for abit" Alots changed, I swear eros showed me a picture of HISself but maybe that was a lie. I thought this boy I found who was very nice unlike all the assholes Ive been out with, who are usually using me, beating me or are rushing me. So I thought what the hell is going on here I like a guy who lives inside my cvomputer well you get the drift half away cross the world. In about 2 years time I was goign to meet my friends from gaia with proof of who they were guess its a good job I found out sooner than later. How can someone pretend be OOC for many months with out saying BTW THE WAY IM A GIRL AND IVE LIED TO YOU THIS WHOLE TIME. For gods sake I dont know her name, her age, where she is from or anythig that has happend in her life since weve been friends, I dont know who the hell she is. ITS NOT FAIR
And Im ******** sorry for being a moaning little b***h who just feels sorry for her and wants lots of sympathy]
rofl Telling the truth HA Nice one.
Im glad I carved the "Y" into my arm a few nigths ago cause now a scar is going to stay with me for the rest of my life like all the others a reminder of why is life so s**t, why do i carry on? Why do I even bother.
Can YOU tell me why?
Think Ill add another scar to my collection tonight.
Lets count *Begins counting so brb might take a while"
106 self inflicted scars and counting illl have to wait till my "y" scars and update you people who are actually weird enough to read this ******** crap.
Lets make a toast to my life thats full of, Happiness, family, friends, good will, love. Sorry i think I was bullshitting about the good will and happiness, more like sadness, heart ache, psyical, mental, sexual abuse oh yes Jeez I think I look like a maniac now.
Hope my good friends wont turn on me now theyve seen the not so sane side of me that only comes out under pressure, influence of alcohol.
On a lighter note, I think I may start crying out of happiness in a moment for my friends and family who keep me going, who fill my heart with laughter and happiness. I love my alex and Fairy who cant be with me today. Long sotry dont want to talk about it not that i am ashamed of them or anything becuase there the best friends Ill ever know.
LOVE YOU ALL (I could only kill a few people in this world) But dont worry becuase your none of them
MERRY ******** CHRISTMAS
heart wahmbulance heart
Lelola Community Member 
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