|
Okay, my boyfriend pwns your boyfriend's booty.
Everything is so perfect...
He doesn't judge me, like the rest of the world... With him, I'm never that quiet smart girl in someone's class, or that obnoxiously dorky girl in band... I'm never so-and-so's friend or so-and-so's sister.... I'm never the Catholic girl... and I am definitely not the nobody...
... I am me. Just me. And that's all he wants... which is good, because that's all I can give him, it's just that... when you're so accustomed to being part of a group, being singled out and earnestly accepted sure feels amazing. And it's still kinda unexpected.
The way he looks at me makes me literally melt... all I can manage to do is sheepishly smile into his baby blues. Yet I'm completely comfortable and don't feel an ounce of awkwardness at all. How he does it, I just don't know... but damn he's got me falling hard for him.
In the beginning, I didn't feel this way... when we became boyfriend and girlfriend... Don't get me wrong, I loved being with him, having his arms around me, and seeing him waiting for me in the halls... but, it was like I was more in love with the thought of having the boyfriend.
And at the time, I was fully aware of that.. and I felt like crap, even though I was pretty sure the same was true for him....
But now, dammit, I've fallen for him, and he's fallen for me... and I had to have Trina to point that out me. (Thank you, dear.)
I wanna tell him how I feel sooo bad, but words just don't seem adaquate... and even though actions speak louder than words, I don't know of anything I could do that would properly convey my feelings...
He shows how much he care in a million little ways constantly, and I appreciate every one of them.
... like how he never minds coming home with me and hanging out with my crazy family, and adores said crazy family.... How he's never embarassed to hold my hand in public or around my family, but figures he'd offer it instead of grab to ensure that I don't mind.... How he smiles at me when nothing's being said and seems content with just gazing at my face.... How he's never turned off when I'm being annoyingly needy and pessimistic about my grades, appearance, or what-not else, but instead just says he loves me and reassures me that everything is fine... How he never hesitates to joke around and be himself around me because he knows I love him for exactly who he is...
So yeah, he's pretty much perfect and I am sooo freakin' lucky.
And yes, despite all this (or, perhaps, in spite of all this) I'm still expecting something to go wrong... like maybe the other women coming back into his life, or him not loving me as much... or anything... I'm just so paranoid...
Okay, shuttup Alisha and allow yourself to let go.... If you get hurt, so what, that's life... but holy hell, just enjoy yourself for once...
*deep breath* I can do this... it's just like running a 5k with nothing to eat but a couple of pretzels... okay, maybe not.. trusting a person who is so dear to me shouldn't be as hard as that....
I dunno...
But I do know one thing... He makes me happier than I've been for a loooong time. It makes no sense, because I've only known him a few months, but damn, it feels like forever...
emo heart
|
