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My experience with online relationships! |
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After reading Akhakhu's journal entry about her online relationship experience, I felt the urge to write about my own, so here it is.
Josh and I met in January 2004. I was in an online role playing game based through Greatest Journal. We would role play in instant messenger and make journal entries for other group members to respond to. A mutual friend convinced josh to join and as it was a celebrity-based community, he brought in Josh Groban. His character was originally paired with someone else’s OC (original character) but when she pulled out I offered to play Brittany Daniel opposite him.
We hit it off right away. I honestly believe I fell in love with him the first time we talked but I thought it was one-sided. What I didn’t know was that he was just as in love with me as I was with him. I had recently gotten out of a VERY bad marriage, I had NO self-esteem, and I didn’t think I was worthy of someone as wonderful as him. He had poor self-esteem too, and didn’t think he was good enough for me. He thought I would think he was just a ‘geeky kid’ even though he’s only five years younger than me. I started dating the older brother of a friend of mine and he started dating a friend’s sister-in-law because we were both trying to convince ourselves we didn’t love each other. It didn’t work.
In November of 2004 he and I were talking and I let it slip that I loved him. It really was poor timing since we were both with other people at the time. He told me “I don’t live on ‘what ifs’. The only thing we can do is accept things as they are and move on. I think if we really tried, we could make a go of being best friends”. I had no choice but to agree because having him in my life, even as just a friend, was better than not having him in my life at all. It hurt though and I cried a lot over the next month and a half.
On January 7, 2005 I sent him a long email, telling him that I’d tried to forget, I’d tried to accept things as they were, but I couldn’t. I told him that I loved him and would always love him, even if I could never be with him. I was terrified that I would lose him, that I would lose his friendship, because it would be too weird. It took three days of long heart-to-heart talks for him to realize that his heart hadn’t changed; he still loved me.
We’d caused each other a lot of pain during that first year. If we’d been honest and up front with each other, and if I had realized that his quiet overtures were his way of trying to tell me that he was attracted to me, we could have saved each other a lot of heart ache. But neither of us have any regrets. All that happened, happened for a reason. We had to go through hell to realize where we belonged; with each other.
We got together on January 10, 2005 and he proposed on February 14, 2005. It hasn’t been easy. We still have a lot to deal with because of distance. But, he’s worth it. This January 10 will be two years that we’ve been together. He is my love, my life, my soul mate. I love him with everything I am. My children love him, and he loves them as if they were his own. He is the kind of father they deserve to have; loving, supportive and firm.
 Chitsa Black · Sun Dec 31, 2006 @ 04:17am · 5 Comments |
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