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This PM I am about to share with you is the reason that I don't want to date or be with anyone.

I know you probably don't want to read this,but If I don't say it it will kill me,I miss you. life has lost it's point,I dont sleep,I barely eat,it's terrible,I know you cant fix it and please dont feel bad for me,but before I try to let go of this horrible feeling of loss I wanted you to know,
when I said Always and forever,I ment it
when I said I would never love another as I love you,I felt it was ultimate truthm
and when I say I love you still,I have to mean it,it's true,and you dont have to care,you dont have to even aknowledge me,I just want you to know the truth before I say,goodbye to what we had and so I say to you my only true love,my life my soul,and my light,that while I'll still be here,on this earth,with you here as well,I bid you good bye.
Always and forevermore,for the last time.


That PM, right there in indigo, was given to me just now. My life has been crappy and I never wanted any relationships with anyone because I know that the love shred would either be false in one way or another. I cannot love someone in the way that this, or any other person, might feel for me. I am an empty shell that has no meaning but to take the pain of others and then die when my life will have no more meaning. I ask that after reading this you DO NOT try to console me or disprove me. If you know me in real life, do not even bring it up. My answer will always be the same. I know my life is pointless, but I will keep living until those I care about, will no longer speak with me. So far that goal is alomost here. I just have to wait a few years till no one can take my pesamistic outlook on this thing called life.

I hope you all reading this learn that life is not a game, and is not something to be thrown away. Cherish those you care for and try to keep hold of them. Those who can find love and hold onto it without any shred of sadness or sorrow, capture those moments and keep them in your heart.

To Robert ((first bf))- Thank you for always being my friend and trying to understand my feelings and letting me vent and shareing my outlook and yours.

To Andrew ((Third bf))- Thank you for trying to console me when I needed it.

To those that call themselves my friends- Please try not to change my ways or bring up anything that would make me wish I had taken the easy way out so long ago. I love you as a sister/brother, or for some of you, as just a friend.

To those who come across this journal for no aparent reason- DON'T YOU DARE MAKE FUN OF ANYONE OR BRING THEM DOWN! Even if they are being messed up towards you, you can always know that thier life will be crappy in the end.

Thank ou, and no, this is not a suicide note, or a leaving Gaia note.