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my head hurts, I feel like my head is going to explode, these thinks that I think, these songs that I sing, these drawings that I draw, these breaths that I breath, these sights that I see, these sounds that I hear, these tastes that I taste, these smells that I smell, these things that I feel....it is all to LOUD!!! I have fidgets...I am restless...this entry is more for me then anything....I need to move, and do something, but what? where? I need to write...but how? when? I NEED TO DO SOMETHING! I need to get my mind to shut off, I need to disengage, I need to power down...the best thing I have is sleep, but I can't sleep, I don't want to sleep...but I must sleep...I need to detatch for a few hours...I just need to get away from these thoughts...as my friend always says "Don't think to hard Megan, I can already smell the smoke" but it's the tears that I fear, the fears that bring the tears, the thoughts that make me shiver, the thoughts that bring back the memories, the thoughts that look to the future, the thoughts about nothing, the thoughts about presant, the thoughts about pain, and torture, the thoughts about joy and happiness, all the thoughts, all the everything, they scream, I hear my own voice in my head, as it tells me things, I hear it tell me to do something, something more then what I am doing, to go off and help people, to find something better, to make lives better, but how? my mind looses me, or I lose myself, in my mind...the maze, the walls, the knowledge...so much knowledge, and yet so little...this is turning in me inside out, I am short tempered, I am going from hyper to mad to sad to hyper all in the course of five minutes, how do I make that go away? how do I get rid of all of this? HOW?!?!? I've tried EVERYTHING! meditation doesn't work...I can't silence it long enough for the peace...talking, singing, dancing, listening, none of it works, writing I can't do, for my mind travels to fast from thought to thought, and if it stays stationary, I will just stare off into the distance, away from the world, in my own space and time, my own little place, what to do? it's been happening more and more lately...it's hurting me, there is to much to think about, way to much, so much from friends, school...like Uganda....I need to help them, I need to do more then write a story, I need to save them...I need to...I need to get my mind off, I need to get rid of this all, I need to realize that I can't help others until I can help myself....

I need to lose my mind...