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hey , well lots of stuff has happened over the weekend , i lost my sanity , all the pictures on my computer were deletd and my mom deleted my profile on bebo ... my whole exstistance , mypersonality has been wiped out on my whole computer ... GONE .. IT WENT POOF , it started out that me and my dad were argueing about my room and how dirty it was so i yelled at him so my mum had plugged my grandpas computer monitor into mine so she could work on it so when she plugged mine back in she decided to check my whole system , BIG SURPRISE so while i waas cleaing my room , something snapped , and this stange smile crossed my face , so i figured if she was gonna erase my whole existance off the computer then ill change myself to a big book worm and i dont go on the computer cept for homework ... i worked on my room smileing , and cleaned everything out , when my mom was screaming at me about my choice in pictures and my bebo and everything else i told her to just delete it all .... my brain was argueing with itself so i cant recall eveything cause one part of me wasscreaming ... YOUR FRICKEN IDIOT DONT LET HER DO THAT , FIGHT IT THIS IS NOT LIKE YOU FIIIIGHT FIGHT , while the other was smileing , whats the use , nothis is the life im chooseing now , they cept screaming at each other , so my head pusled .... then when my mom was done and i had gotten done cleaning the whole house i called jamie and told her eveyrthing and of course she listened then i broke down and cryed my eyes out ... and i felt bad for doing that caus my firneds got enough problems without listening to my whineing , s then now ifeel this rakeing feelings in my insides like someone had taken a rake and just calwed at my stomach and insides and sprayed acid in there letting it bleed and burn and hurt ALOT , so she had to go , no stopping her nani from telling her to get off , so after everyone went to bed i layed on my bed turned my ipod on and cryed untill i could braely breathe like bella in my new moon book i was cluthcing my sides trying to hold myself in and i was gapsing for breathe , then i played videogames untill 3 or 4 in the morning , then that morning i decided not to tell my friends caus noo they dontdeserve to be sad because of my pathetic life ..... they deserve to be happy so yesterday i was happy and engeretic and my same old self , whileinside i cept the unbareable pain numbed , and i continued the same rutine last night of crying trying to hold myself in and gasping for air then videogames , i managed to rite notes to my friends and then read from my book a lil , then today the lack of sleep is wearing down on me theres deep dark purple circles undermy eyes , and im trying to be as happy as i can be. talking about all this made the pain come back thought , for years ive been treated like a kitten on a chain , doomed to leada life of chores and mindless loyalty, but i fought it and now that my computers empty , and my room , im empty , my mom and dad have been trying for years to erase any consent of my old random personality off themap and there starting to win ... and it hurts ALOT well thats it for now