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Since my mom doesn't use gaia anymore, and I don't think my sister reads my journal, I think it's safe to tell you what happened thursday night....so, here I go....

Well, I went downstairs, to put my homework in my backpack, and I remembered what we had talked about in fourth period that day....so...I tired to very casually bring it up with my parents...obviously my plan back fired...following is an idea of the convorsation...

Me: "Daddy? You know...I learned something in geography today....did you know that Diet Soda causes cancer?"
Dad: "Whatever they are telling you is wrong"
Me: *winces at tone*
Dad: "Soda doesn't cause cancer, they just don't know what they are talking about"
Me: "But dad! there is really a thing in the ingredients that can cause cancer!"
Mom jumps in when she hears my tone: "Megan, there might be something that increases your chance of cancer, but only by a little bit, not by very much, and it doesn't cause cancer."
Me *almost yelling*: "It's more then just A LITTLE BIT."
Dad *practically yelling*: "MEGAN! Only certain Diet Sodas have it in there! It depends on the sweetner!"
Me: "..."
I start to go back upstairs to go to bed then my mom turns around and looks at me
Mom: "Megan...that's not why daddy has cancer."
Me *screaming*: "I KNOW! I WAS JUST SAYING!"
I rushed up to my room, and as soon as I was in bed, I started to cry, I grabbed my old teddy bear, and my blanket from when I was very little, *I've had them since before I was born* and, I squeezed them, and I rocked back and forth, crying, hard, I cryed for about an hour before the tears started to slow down some, and I ended up just crying myself to sleep....

It felt so good...to finally let it all out and cry....it's the first time since I heard that my dad has cancer that I've really been able to cry....I tried so hard...not to think about it...because, I want to be strong for the rest of my family, I want to look happy, and make them not worry about me, I want to be able to pretend that everything is alright....