been awhile since i wrote here, I don't think anyone would even know if I did.
One whole year and in that time my whole world has turned and gone in a simlar circle.
What's love? I've always wondered that. for me it's some one who brings out the things in me that i never thought I had, like anger, jealously, lust, passion. And when he's not being his annoying self, but the sweet man I see, sometimes even joy.
I still day dream about many things, life is so full of choices and chances, I wonder if I did the right thing by missing them or taking them, Is there a way to know. I determined that by wondering if I'm a person to be ashamed of? If i go about hurting people and thinking myself better? I don't think myself better, but i do jugde people but it's there actions I jugde so I don't think i'm unfair in my jugdements, for I jugde myself just as cirtcally.
it's been a long time since I cried, 3 years was the least time i cried myself to sleep for seemingly no reason. and just last year when everything happened I cried a full day everyone left me alone, expect duckie and my cousin. they took me out and just tried to get me to enjoy myself and I did a bit even when my heart was breaking I saw how much they both cared. I felt silly crying and aching when so many more had cried and ached had worst things happen and deservsed my tears more.they me.
MAybe that's why i don't cry for myself, I've convinced myself that i'm not really worth crying for, I want to be strong so that I never had to have anyone carry me like that again, i don't want to seem pathic anymore. I don't ever want to be that weak.
That in love with something were my heart is weak and worthless and I forget myself and my strenght.
I want control over myself and my heart not the other way round where my heart leads and I follow. Stupid heart gets me into to much trouble anyways.
Lex-Laramire · Thu Mar 08, 2007 @ 03:21am · 0 Comments |