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so i'm really pissed. damn that larsen. i had a few math papers due today that my math teacher only told me about this morning, we didn't have math today, and that MOTHER ******** larsen wouldn't let me go to math! crying so now i'm getting a B! not to mention umathplus, which i haven't done all trimester. in two trimesters, i've only gotten through fractions!!! and i did the cumulative check THREE TIMES this afternoon to pass it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ONE SECTION!!!!!!!!!!!! so that definately means that he won't be nice and give me an -a.

i shouldn't make a big deal about it, right? i just have to give up my dream for 4 years and buckle down. then 4 more years or so after that i've got college..... emo

hmmmmm................ oh well. i think i bumped my spanish grade up by doing three f papers, all of which i didn't pass in. even if he marks them down for being late, which i don't think he does, it's still more than a 50. so yeah. i'll get a b in math, and maybe in science. yes, science too.

okay. i'll try to think about positive stuff. like in science, mr. connors has all these fossils, most of them real, and there was this big chunk of yellow stuff. laura's like, 'i think its amber.' so i scribbled down amber. but david was evesdropping as usually and he's says, 'it might be topaz.' laura says 'maybe...' but it's drowned out by my SCREAM. 'EDWARD!!! EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!! HIS TOPAZ EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' heart heart heart

yep. so then laura and i get into a deep discussion of his eyes. oh, she let me copy her homework, but since she usually doesn't, i think she wants repentance...

yeah. so then i'm walking home. and i'm all quiet, because i'm contemplating my reaction at seeing the b/s on my report card. so when jenny and i get home, she didn't press the button to make the garage door come down on me like usual (i have the remote, she runs ahead of me to get in first.) but she always locks one door, so she locks the inside door one. she does it every day. makes me stand out there in the mudroom for ten minutes, then lets me inside. my parents never do anything, but i don't blame them i guess. it's not like they could stop her. and she'd just get angry if i told them and would do even more sick jokes.

so i slapped her on the side of the head, and she pulled out my hair. she always goes for my hair, because physically she can't fight me. she always goes for the hair. but i was feeling too chaotic to sink to her level and fight, so i took my stuff and went upstairs. and i've been there ever since, though i guess i did come down to talk to you guys...

so now jenny's being all nice and trying to tell me about the clovers and everything, and i just say bitterly, 'what the hell is wrong with you?' five minutes later it's like nothing happened with her. it makes me sick.

calm calm calm calm. we did progressive relaxation today, so the whole time bethany was flashing off her new phone, which is pretty rockin. but that relaxation stuff is a little weird to me, so i'll think about topaz...................... mrgreen