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Crap
I don't like people, and I don't want to like people. Everyone needs something to hate or something to love beyond criticism. If they don't have it they go crazy, sometimes they go crazy even with a rallying point. I hate people because I blame them for everything wrong in my life and every reason behind my loss of hope in a better world or a change in our actions. I am a thinker, even if I'm not a very good one. I will not go out and change the world, I don't even want to. I don't excuse myself, I am what I am. I'm an idiotic teenage girl who is average in everything she excels. Not particularly beautiful ,talented, witty, funny, kind, intelligent, unforgettable, athletic, or anything you use to describe anyone. I am an average human being who does not know where to put her faith into. I use to put it in my dreams, fantasy, and books. I can't do it anymore though, I can't lose myself without thinking of how stupid it is, pointless. Even if I were to change the world, what would come of it. We're transient creatures with no hope of redemption because there is no redeemer. We delude ourselves into thinking there is redemption, happiness, anything behind everything. Religion, knowledge, or love. We seek barely attainable things that few actually obtain. We hide behind an infinite number of distractions. And none of its real. I don't even know what bases my opinions, my hatred means nothing. Every thoguht in my head comes from millions of other sources than my eyes. Its tainted by everything that has come before it. Feelings of self-loathing, isolation, rejection, they all shape how I view the world, so that I'll never know what truth is or if there is truth. I hate it. I hate everything. I hate watching my best friend fall with me into this crap. And it is crap, and I hate ranting, so I'll stop.
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