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It’s half past 2am and it’s still humid…Wait, Why I am awake |
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For some reason I smell like McDonalds O^O! I ate two double cheese burgers and their new berry smoothie three days ago, so maybe it is evaporating through my skin finally*gets slugged for the stupid logic*.
*Gets up all bloody* But really, I smell like McD’s….
Uh, I’ve been a tad insomniac for the past couple of days. It’s all the stress of all the stuff I have to do for school. I’ve been distracted as ever. Around this time I’m physically awake but am a tad too tired to do progressive stuff. I figured since I am in that frame of mind right now, I write down my feelings of my current situation and random s**t that comes off the top of my head.
I was just reading a blog on WordPress http://bangin.wordpress.com/ on anime culture, slang and cosplay, A personal blog along with post that talk about otaku culture. I liked it a lot and saw somethings in a different light. For instance, I didn’t know “Fujoshi” the word typically used to describe a female otaku is really used to name BL fangirls and even that term varies depending on age and status.
I love being nosey, especially with blogs. I’m almost stalker status lololol….(I’m tired and am making dumb jokes)
Anyways the other day I had an epiphany or a coming out? I can’t think of a way to describe it because the information or “revelation” really wasn’t new to anyone, but it felt like one to me for some odd reason. It was an internal exception of what I want to do in my future. Which is also an odd matter…
I told my Tia and Nina that I wanted to documents and research American anime culture…..Like I said nothing new. My aunts even said they knew that’s what I wanted to do, even my Tio felt the same way! It was alittle embarrassing and funny! They were just waiting for me to stop beating around the bush about it.
…Why was it soo hard for me to say that to them?
Internally I told myself that is what I was going to do. Be the pokemon master of anime culture research. But I always belittled the idea, telling myself it’s not logical or practical.
The stigma came from my family’s comments on anime. Every nerd deals with this type of situation and each person’s experience ranges a wide spectrum. From the parents who absolutely hate anime to the completely excepting parents, most come in the middle of the two.
Mines were leeriest at first but shrugged it off and became excepting and supportive of it. Actually, to them there wasn’t really a differences from western animation, it wasn’t till they heard the name and saw me watching the genre more did they notice. My family tends to tease each other for LOLs. My anime fandom was one of them. In retrospection, it was not mean spirited teasing but it made me aware that my beginning fandom was not the norm.
My mom had a sharp tongue when she was mad and one time told me “Why are you up watching that (anime), it’s not like it is going to become your profession is it?”. I tend to say random hurtful things like that when I’m mad too. Anyways, it got me thinking if this fandom was just a passing fancy or a passion. Like everyone, I had gone through different stages of fandoms, but tend to still like them even after I’m done being otaku-ee about them. An example is Lisa Frank stationary, I was an avid collector when I was a kid, along with other things. So I kept asking myself whether if I was going to fall out of the fandom or not. I’ve seen many people fall-out of it, yet I’m still in it. It will be a decade in a few years since I’ve truly started. I understood what my mother meant about watching out for a passing fancy, cause then one could wake up one morning and not want to do that anymore. I’ve always worried about that career wise. I’m idealist about following one career or major thick and through. For the longest time, I thought I wanted to be a medical researcher, but once in high school, I found out it wouldn’t be right for me. Since then I’ve been floundering on what to do.
As a freshmen, I thought I would put the decision on the back-burner and maybe in my years in high school my path will appear to me. Really it was just a way not to deal with the decision. Then enrollment for college came. Mom told me to just pick a major so that way it shows that one was serious about college and have a better shot of getting in. I could always change it later. So I road on Anthropology’s coat-tails, which I truly like it but didn’t know what to do as an actual career or direction. So for the past three years I just waited for a sign of what to do…yet there was nothing. But in that time I began to fantasize of using anime as a career. I think this thought has past majority of all fan’s minds at one time. But I wouldn’t except it on an external level cause I would hear a lot of people think the same thing. How they wanted to “do” anime as a career, yet most of the people who said that dropped the fandom years later. Then I would here annoying fans say that with them meeting the same fate or falling out of the fandom or having impractical plans.
I am critical and cynical. My awareness of this side make me a perfectionist so that I don’t become someone who I would straightforwardly critic off hand. That also sounds harsh what I just said sweatdrop
An example would be the girl I met at AX while waiting in line for the America’s Greatest Otaku auditions. ( I will make a entry on AX soon!) . She told me she was into anime cause it “defined her” (Along with the reason to piss off her parents and fit into some social nook stare ). I hate it when people say that! I’m am who I am first, yet I am deeply passionate about anime, so was I a hypocrite? People say being *insert career* is who I am. It can kinda sound noble yet also too clingy. I’m trying to figure out where I stand on that saying.
Holy s**t it’s going to be 4am!!
Let me wrap up soon! Uh, I’m tired. Basically, I finally except externally that’s what I want to do. I had to be forced into a corner before I could admit it. I felt shakey and extremely nervous when I said it, but I was the only one putting myself down for wanting to do that. My family excepted it without hesitation and even commemorated me for having a passion.
So I still blissfully speechless.
Well I’m tired, so I’m gonna let you go today. Here’s a picture of me eating one of the double cheede burgers from a few days ago. I wanna draw on it to look like America from Hetalia for the LOLs soon.
Anywho goodnight
Ok, I helped out Peyo. Will restore sig later. Right now I'm gonna induldge in my current fandom!  USxUK ftw!  TrigunCat4 · Sun Jul 18, 2010 @ 12:02pm · 0 Comments |
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