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I do believe there is a time to die and we all face it, some sooner than others. I feel as if I now am staring down the blade of the Reaper's sickle. I am not afraid, instead I am saddened. The people I most wanted to say goodbye to paid no attention, I am sure it just looked like any other goodbye to them. I wish I had the balls to tell them exactly what they meant to me exactly what I thought of them.... say exactly what I wanted to say. But I will never be man enough to do that nor woman enough to admit I am wrong.

God please let me wake up in the morning and this been a failure. I do and don't want to die. I do and don't wish to live. I crave release but fear the fire. I am on the losing side of eternity. Am I cursed forever or am I on the path home? Some one save me, some one grab me, I am scared of the dark night. The pain is too great, too much for one person to bear alone but never will I burden you because I am your fence post.

Finished and drained, empty and wasted, I lay broken at the bottom of life's well. Unshed tears spill over my cheeks, weeping for those many times I dared not. The visions dim, the blurs fading to night as my glasses lay away from my face. Last beats, irregular and sparce, metering out the final moments of this confused soul. I was never man enough to just suck it all up.... but never was I woman enough to let it all go... I failed you all and this shell is all I have left in life's cruel show.