The Angry Video Game Corner With Katt
Episode 2: Bury the Hatchet with Ratchet...and Clank
Alright..we're back..well, I am. Not exactly another person around me. I hope you know I am simply ranting about old video games..(not old, old, but old) for my own and maybe your enjoyment.
Last time on The Angry Video Game Corner With Katt, I ranted on and on about Crash bandicoot about on how useless he was and how it was not fair to face some super being and all I control is a pansy that drives around in a boat, can't talk, face looks like someone shoved a 20 inch pole up his butt, and tries to defy logic but fails..But I'm done ranting about him..I'm done with him.
We now go on to Ratchet and Clank! Ok..first off..Ratchet is working on..a car..or something that he apparently needs to drive around to go....absolutely nowhere..because from what I remember his planet is a giant wasteland...and there happens to be a garage next to him...which he..lives in or something? Because I don't see a godamn house anywhere on that planet..
Hey! Something happens...Clank appears to drop like..not even half a mile away, showing no signs of friggin' crack induced neopets but there are! Then some computerized chick..pops out of nowhere and informs you on something...but when she told you that you could skip messages...Oh my god I hit that button faster than the speed of light. But okay..we finally get to Clank..after going through tons of land, a building, and giant machines that wait for you, like expecting you to come along..that's a long wait buddy. So..after Clank lands..they're friends for some reason..Clank is fine..you know..not at all showing any signs of dents or damage after being plowed into the godamn ground from ********' space..
Alright..so then another cutscene..spaceship! That's what it was..wait..why the ******** would he just so happen finish a spaceship by the time all that s**t happened? But anyway..so they see Captain Queer that has no power whatsoever and..wait..how is he a hero..he just took credit for Ratchet..but..what the hell? Alright so they fly around..fight some stinky a** ogre and Braniac 5 in the friggin' casino..cause you know..they have that s**t there.
Okay..So..apparently some slave s**t goes on..and these gay biker people want Ratchet dead..ok?! You know what? Screw it..I'm skipping to the boss fights..
In the first one..that..whatever his name was, was really hard..then I beat him because...he was a friggin' indian with a ponytail who runs a business..Sounds like he should be working for them casinos.
Now..the second one..I'm skipping past everything..that's right...everything..The evil furbees, The hooker that drops the F bomb, and supposedly looks like Ratchet but not a word is mentioned about it, the crossdressing queer, all of it..even though Quark goes tranny in the third one, he's still a hooker in my eyes.
So yeah..that giant furball was friggin' hard! You had to have like every upgrade to dodge them. Then he barfs out these little ones because he can reproduce on the spot..Ugh!
The third one, up your arsenal..God! That last guy was hard..that tall..tin can thing, forgot his name..Fires lasers, some sort of twisted simon says or some s**t..I unno..But I'm skipping all of that behind because..that's it..this rant is done!
Next time on The Angry Video Game Corner With Katt: Jak 2!
