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[WARNING: I'm really just typing this, because I'm really stressed out currently and have a lot on my mind. This is really just to let some of that emotion out, and a lot of things just don't make sense. Good luck sorting it out.]
Kim Kwang-Man
Bear and tiger,
the legends of creation.
Sister and mother,
the unbreakable bond.
Brother and father,
the destined rivals.
Body and soul,
the reason for sanity.
The eldest daughter failed to create the eldest son.
So did the eldest son of our grandmother.
As well as the second eldest son of our grandmother.
The youngest son had created the first eldest son - on August 18, 1991.
That was me - the one to carry on my family's century old traditions.
I barely remember my toddler years - but I always felt comforted by the sight of our grandmother. She had an aura that resignated love, as well as anguish, which came from leaving our war-torn homeland. A pawn of the superpowers. At the time we weren't much, one of the million immigrants that left the improvished country.
I disctinctly remember a flourescent blue house, rather rundown but it was cozy. Apparently, we had rabbit -- hundreds of them -- but I sadly don't remember. Then we moved to an apartment complex in a better town.
Things began to get better - and so was our homeland.
That is just a glimspe of our family history -- probably one of the most hardest time in our familiy's history. It was the second time our family was forced to leave the homeland, but on this occasion we were thousands of miles away from it. I haven't been to my fatherland norcan speak my grandfather's tongue; however, my blood - my heart - yearns for the morning calm of my country.
But, things have changed. Our family has gathered a moderate amount of wealth, and have assimilated into the modern lifestyle that flourishes in America. We have relatives studying in New York, some in Hawaii living lazily under the Pacific sun, while we have others whom we've lost in the rapid development of our homeland.
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All of I've ever dreamed of was runing along a meadow across my homeland, with someone to hug. Doing just that will make me complete, and I wouldn't give a damn what happens to me next.
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Ever since coming here -- my family has been growing apart.
My Family:[including me]
The Heart of the Old World
The Motherly Daughter
The Two Sisters
The Misguided Prince
The Hardy Son
The Vibrant Daughter
The Humbled Cousin
The Wild Card
The Determined Son
The Selfless Daughter
The Unfit Heir
The Embodiment
The heart of the family
The line of responsiblity
Sometimes I just want to run away - to Tibet or India. And live a ascethic life.
Because I'm ashamed.
I can imagine:
Lying on the floor of a monastery, away from the rest of the world. The silent hum of prayers. The life devoted to peace and love. Away from the temptations, and away from the history and struggles that surrounds our family and our race.
I simply want to be reliquished - emancipated, and finally be free.
I was once depressed over many stupid things, hormones. I got over it. I realized how stupid I was. Ever since I've tried to remain postive. But every so often I crack. I don't want to die, but I want to be free. I say I love life - but sometimes it life is too hard to comprehend and understand.
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