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Well, I have decided to leave gaia. I'm sorry if I was working on anything for you guys, but I hadn't started most of it anyways. Again, sorry. I'm not the most talented person in the world, so I'm sure someone else could do it much better than I could.
If you're wondering why, then I have a few reasons. I'll make this quick.
One is that I just don't find gaia to my interest very much. I don't know, I'm just not into it.
Secondly, It's tearing me away from real life. I've realized lately how quickly things can come up and how quickly someone's life can just fall to pieces. I don't have enough time to be wasting on this site.
Thirdly, no one really knows about me on this site. I figured if I left, no one'd miss me. It's not why I want to leave, but why I decided it would be okay.
Sorry again, but I've made up my mind, and I don't really expect anyone to care. *shrug* bye.
 mermaid potato · Thu Sep 18, 2008 @ 08:42pm · 0 Comments |
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I sighed, staring at the shore. Did they know of our presence? I saw the evidence of theirs, but I had only twice seen one of them. I was too far away to see more than blurs and the brightly colored circles that exploded into existence out of nowhere.
And then there was the trash. It had been our constant work to keep the seas clean and save the poor fish and other various sea creatures from feeling the effects. Did they realize what they were doing? And how much worse it would be if we weren’t in existence? If we weren’t looking after them and making sure that their choices didn’t affect the ocean, at least. I shuddered at the thought of what they were doing ashore.
Or was it clean there? Did they only dump their trash in the ocean, in our home? Because it didn’t matter to them? But then what about their ships? The ones that dragged the rope meshes along, stirring up dirt and stealing fish. Or were they just trying to kill the sea? Trying to kill us. Maybe they aren’t as ignorant as we thought.
But why would anyone, any race be so sadistic? Was it just their nature, their role on this earth? To keep the sea from flourishing like it once did?
I sighed and dived back underwater, as deep as I could, and swam. I just flapped my tail and swam forward, my eyes closed. How fervently I wished that I could see them up close; study them and figure out was it was that made them harm our ocean so. But even from what little I did know and had seen, I knew that I would stick out. Instead of a long, flowing, colorful tail, they had two odd appendages. Like arms that stuck out from the bottom of their torso. It allowed them to push against the ground and push themselves forward in an awkward motion that I really can’t describe.
And they didn’t understand us anymore than we did them. I would be an oddity, a monster to them. They would never listen to me unless they thought I was one of them.
I wondered what it would feel like, to have two odd, long arms with flat hands instead of a tail. To feel the sand squish as my hands pushed it down, compacting it. What did dry sand feel like? I had felt the wet sand brush past my tail and belly, and I had run my fingers through it, but what did dry sand feel like?
It took me a while to calm down, and once I did, I realized that I wasn’t as far away from the surface as I had bee before, but the bottom of the sea was still close enough to touch. The water was getting shallower. But I was going in the opposite direction of the shore.
I looked around to find myself surrounded by unfamiliar fish and coral structures still undamaged and much more beautiful than those around my home. Where was I? How long had it been? And most importantly, how far had I come?
I stopped swimming, just hovering for a moment. I ran my fingers through the sand; it was a funny color, one I had never seen before. It was also much finer, like silt or dust or the very finest sand at the oldest point of the ocean.
I could see the shore ahead of me; only a hundred yards away or so. A distance I could easily overtake in seconds. It was a shallow incline from here; the surface was only about twenty feet away. I could quickly swim up and take a peak. I quickly said a silent prayer of thanks for my blue, sea-colored hair, and surfaced. There were no signs of activity on the small, tree-covered shoreline. The sand was black, with a large black rock jutting out of the black sand. It looked smooth on the sides, but the top was covered in bumps and footholds. It would be terrible for climbing, unlike the bumpy gray rocks that I saw the little blurs on the beach pull themselves to the top of.
I slowly swam closer, making sure not to be visible to anyone who might be hiding ashore. My body was almost parallel to the surface, angling down only slightly. I let my blue hair flow down over most of my body, covering it from wandering eyes. I also let some of it cling to my face, being grateful once again for my bangs.
I knew how to hide from the land-dwellers while I was watching. I had plenty of experience with that.
However, my precautions proved to be unnecessary. No one was there. I got to the lowest point that the waves receded to and sat. I flipped my tail around underneath me and just sat there, laughing as the waves brushed sand in-between my scales. It tickled.
I was going to turn around, but suddenly, the waves receded beneath where I sat. I felt something changing; a tingling in my tail. I looked down, and my aqua tail skin had loosened, along with my scales. It became a wrap, like a loosely hanging piece of fabric. A “skirt,” I thought the land-dwellers had called it.
Underneath it were two long, slender, funny-shaped arms. Like the land-dwellers had.
I stood up, bending the elbow joint. It felt natural, to my surprise. I tried the odd pushing against the ground motion they used to get around, and it also felt natural. Graceful, even. Not as much so as swimming, but still graceful.
I smiled, realizing now that I had found my solution. To my problems, and to everyone else’s. To everything.
Though I hated to admit it, it was impossible not to love dry land. The instincts of two species were built into me, and breathing, traveling, and everything else was just as easy as it had been underwater. I felt so… at home. Like I belonged. I had always felt that way in the sea as well, and the two feelings were equally strong. Maybe this was what the legends were about. About remembering your place and your homeland. About not venturing too far from home. About the “Homeland Madness.”
Did this mean I wasn’t the first one? That I wasn’t quite as special as I had thought?
After a minute, a smile formed on my face, and I turned back to the ocean, and dove in.
It didn’t matter; I didn’t care. I might have been the first, or the fifteenth, or the five millionth. But I didn’t care. I can’t remember ever caring about anything less in my life.
As I swam, my tail reformed, the skin tightly latching my lower arms together, back in place. And once again, I felt an instant switch in instincts and belongings. At that moment, all that mattered was the sea. Which meant that I might have to go to great lengths to protect it. If I had to give it up to save it, then it was worth it. For my sister, for my parents, and for all the rest of our kind who ever have lived and ever will.
I swam as hard as My tail could push me, and all that mattered was that I knew I could make a difference. There was no time to worry, no time to think twice. I had too much ahead of me, and too much at stake. Too much to change, and as big of a difference to make as anyone ever had.
I may not be the first to discover my potential, but I’m going to be remembered as the one who used it to make a difference.
mermaid potato · Wed Sep 17, 2008 @ 10:22pm · 0 Comments |
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I sighed as I pointed to yet another grouping of stars, asking if it was a constellation. He ran his thumb in circles on the back of my hand as he followed my gaze. I could feel that he was smiling from how the muscles moved in his cheek, which rested on my shoulder.
“Mmm. That’s Orion’s belt. Can you see it?” He mused, a faint hint of weariness audible in his voice. It was getting late, and I was a bit tired myself, but I didn’t want this night to end. Especially since I knew what was coming tomorrow.
So I squinted my eyes and tilted my head slightly towards Ryan. I sort of saw the basic figure of a man, but it needed a lot of filling in. My imagination made him look a lot like Ryan. I smiled at the thought.
“Mm-hmm.” I muttered, closing my eyes and resting my head next to Ryan’s. He brought our interlocked hands up to his face and kissed the back of my palm, then returned to tracing circles on it with his thumb. I was so comfortable. Lying there, in the middle of the park, stargazing with the best boyfriend I could ask for. Not that I did. Before Ryan, I had thought dating was a waste of time. But boy, was I wrong. Sure, it took up a lot of time, but it was well worth it.
And I found it was easy to make my parents happy, as well. We weren’t the kind of couple who made out in the back of the movie theater. Just little kisses and lots of cuddling.
I knew that I was the luckiest girl alive, and everyday, I woke up and worried that it was all a dream. But then I would see the picture Stacy had taken of us and almost cry I was so happy. I wondered what Ryan would say if he knew. He’d probably just laugh and rustle my hair, saying something like, “That’s my girl” and then kiss me on the forehead. It was a habit of his, since he was taller than me and his lips were at about my forehead level.
I suppressed a yawn as I told Ryan, “It’s late. As much as I don’t want this night to end, I need to get home. And your parents are probably worrying, too.”
“Yes,” he began as he rolled away and pulled himself up, extending a hand to help me, “but my parents know me, and they know you, and they aren’t afraid that either one of us is going to do something we regret. Your parents, however…”
“Are overprotective skunk bags, I know.” I finished for him, chuckling slightly. He smiled and pulled me close to him, rocking side to side slightly.
“They’re just worried about their very beautiful daughter and her innocence.” He laughed slightly.
“Alright, maybe skunk bags is a bit strong of a term.” I chuckled, knowing that Ryan didn’t mind. It honestly didn’t bug me much, but we liked to joke about it.
Ryan let me out of his embrace and held me a little further back, leaning in to kiss me. I stood on my tiptoes so he didn’t have to bend over so far, and he laughed for a second. Then our lips touched. They lingered for a moment, then parted, leaving us both smiling and looking into each other’s eyes. However, I couldn’t help but laugh. Neither one of us is the serious kind of person, and soon he joined me in laughing, and before I knew what was happening, we were twirling in circles in a sort of mock dance, laughing our heads off.
After a few minutes, we both collapsed, again in laughter. “Not much progress, you know. We’re still on the ground in the park, except now you’re not next to me. If anything, this is a step back.” I managed to squeeze in between laughs.
“Oh, really? Well I’m sorry if I want to make tonight last a little longer.” He had the same mocking sort of kidding voice I had used, but we both knew he was being somewhat serious.
“You’re gonna be sorry when we get to my house.” I chuckled, taking Ryan’s hand once again to pull myself up.
“I think I can take your old man.” He responded as we started walking, still holding hands.
“I’d be more worried about my mom if I were you.” He chimed in for the last few words, both of us using some odd voice that I’m still not sure about the origins of.
“She used to be a wrestler, you know.” We both laughed, and then I leaned against him, resting my head on his shoulder. Another one of the things we used to joke about; my mom was on the wrestling team in high school and college, and I think she was actually considering it as a career until she met my father. I think going out with an accountant made her reconsider her whole life. So instead, she started taking lots of math classes, and then got her doctorate in computer science and programming. She worked as a programmer for Microsoft for a while, and once she had me, she quit. Since then, she picked up a weekend job working for IBM.
We continued to make jokes about my parents and his parents and our lives and stuff until we reached my doorstep. Which is where we both hesitated, neither one of us wanting to say goodbye. We had both been joking and laughing earlier, but it was covering up this hesitation… this longing and sadness that hid underneath it.
After a few minutes of both of us just standing there, my emerald eyes staring deep into his beautiful, soft hazel eyes and vice versa, I decided to break the silence.
“I love you.” I didn’t know what more to say, but it was evident in his face that I didn’t need to say any more.
He didn’t answer with words, and instead grabbed me in an embrace. I tilted back my head so I could look into his eyes, and he smiled. He leaned down to kiss me, but this time I didn’t stand on my toes. I just stood there and let him kiss me. For the first time I could remember, I didn’t kiss back. He pulled away carefully, then looked deep into my eyes. I wanted to avert my gaze, but my eyes were caught in his. I just couldn’t look away.
“What is it?” He asked, trying to see something in my eyes or on my face that explained why I was so careful and hesitant.
“You… You’re leaving. I know that once I kiss you, we’ll go inside, and you’ll leave… and I don’t think I can take it.” It was hard to explain this feeling that I didn’t really understand myself.
“What do you mean?” He asked, trying to understand my muddled words and the complicated feeling I was struggling to explain.
“You… It’s going to hurt. We’re going to have one last kiss, and then you’re going to have to leave. I… I just don’t think I can handle it. It’s like you’re lifting me up ten feet higher than I am already just to let me drop.”
I could tell that he understood and he didn’t like it, but he would go with whatever I wanted. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. He was too good for me. “A handshake, then?” He asked, letting me go.
I looked at my feet and then back up at him, my mouth unable to form words, so I just nodded and gave his outstretched hand a shake. We dropped and then just stood there a moment, not feeling like it was over.
After a moment, I managed to utter “it’s not the same.” through my tears.
With that, I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him. Tears were pouring down my cheeks, and he wrapped his sturdy arms around me. We rocked back and forth for a few minutes wordlessly, and I just cried and cried. I could feel his lips in my hair, and I didn’t care. I didn’t care how much more it hurt when I fell. I loved him, and I didn’t want him to leave. And it would hurt when he did. Nothing could change that, and I knew it. I just wanted him. I wanted to be with him forever, to be able to love him without being torn apart.
“I’ll always love you. Nothing can change that.” I whispered, tilting my head back to touch my lips to his, and the kiss lasted for a while; a bit more passionate that usual. When we finally parted, I just stared into his eyes. I was still crying, and I could see that little tears were trailing down his face. We still had our arms wrapped around each other, though.
“You don’t have to be strong for me.” I whispered, “I don’t care if you cry. It’s a sad occasion, and you don’t have to be tough for me.”
“I’ll cry once you’re really gone.” He said, wiping the tears out of my eyes with one finger, “Right now you’re still here. There’s no reason to be sad.”
I smiled. He was right. I dropped one of my hands to my side, grabbing his hand in the other. I leaned against his shoulder again and inserted the key into the door, twisting it. It clicked and I turned the knob, swinging the door open. My parents were waiting for us in the living room, and my world suddenly seemed bigger. Maybe this wasn’t the end after all. I still wouldn’t love another boy like I loved Ryan, I knew that for sure. I would wait for him, wait for college, when we could move out and into the same city, where I wouldn’t have to drive two hours just to see him.
It would all be okay… for now.
mermaid potato · Wed Sep 17, 2008 @ 10:20pm · 0 Comments |
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You know, I really don't know where this story is going, and I don't have much of a plot... well, I had a vague idea, but I really don't think that it's going to work out. So Buh-bye, crazy randomness. I'll be using this for one-shots from now on. I already have two that I will now post. In different entries, of course.
mermaid potato · Wed Sep 17, 2008 @ 10:01pm · 0 Comments |
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