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My fave break up lines

its not you honey, its me

I think we should start seeing other people.

i think i'm in love with you....lets get married tomorrow and watch them run lol

dont call me.....I'LL call YOU

I need more time and more space. That's why I'm moving 12 hours and 7 states away. Yeah sure I'll call you ...the minute I get there.

Break up? (get out magic 8 ball) All signs point to YES.

Answering machine: "Hi, I'm not home right now, If you're Jerry, hang up, if you are any other available male, press two now."

Dear Baby: Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU

All my friends at the gay bar said I should go through with the sex change, what do you think?

The mothership has returned and I must leave. Pay no attention to my android double when you see it.

You've become so incredibly unattractive during these last few minutes, that I don't want to invest any more time trying to have sex with you.

Sorry, but my leprosy is acting up again. Are you going to eat those fries?

Do you think the ceiling needs painting? (Timing is everything with this one.)

Oh, hi Julie...erm...Amanda? Judy? Oh, I remember now, its Cindy, right? Tanya? Does it start with a 'T'?

You remind me of my dead ex-husband... Let's get married.

I'm awfully sorry, but I have asexual tendencies...

Would you like to meet my last girlfriend? Really, its no problem, she's still chained up in my basement.

"I'm dying...and I can't ask you to watch me slowly fade away....Please, go now and remember me as I am"

(Note: this one comes to you courtesy of Homer Simpson.) Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

No, seriously, I thought you were a man the whole time we were dating.

I got us tickets to Yanni!

"If I have to sell my body to get the money to divorce you, I will!"

Piss off wanker.

Remember when I asked you out?? Well.... I was talking to the guy behind you!

I was only hanging around with you because I wanted to get in your mom's pants

Don't you just love when leeches get into your pants?

"I break with thee... I break with thee.. I break with thee.. and then throw dog-poop on her/his shoes" (Steve Martin)

I'm sorry I never told you but I'm gay. I've been fighting it, and if anyone could have converted me it would have been you. However, I succumb. Ciao!

I can forgive everything else about you, even the fact that you are 9 years older than me, have a 10 year old daughter, are getting a divorce, can't have any more kids, don't have a job, or a car, and the fact that you don't have a high school diploma. All that is fine. (then just stop calling)

You know, if God actually stopped and thought about it, I'm pretty sure he could think of something better to do with skin rather than hold your sorry a** together.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, sob, sob, I know what you did you b*****d!!!! WAAAAAAAAAH! I hate you! Then you run away, but it works best if he didn't do anything.

You're a really great guy..You don't know how much I love you..You mean everything to me... NOW LEAVE!!! AND NEVER COME BACK!!!

I really like you. . . So does my wife.

I want a baby.

Let's just be friends. (scary isn't it?)

Good-bye, and NO, we cannot still be friends!

Just 'cause I am the President of the United States doesn't mean we still can't be friends.

I'd like to meet your ex.

None, just spell out "you're dumped" on their car with dead hamsters soaked in gasoline and set alight whilst buggering a duck in front of them....

I have to break it off. I've been seeing someone else and they told me I had to choose. Besides, your mother doesn't snore as loud.

Buh-bye. What part don't you understand -- the "buh" or the "bye"? Buh-bye.

Look at my horoscope! "...a new love in your life..." Well, gotta follow my guiding star...

Bob, I'd like you to meet Roy.... he's your new replacement.

We've been going out for a while, and I think we're ready to go to the next level... have you heard the good news about Amway?

Forget bothering with actually dumping him/her, just sign up to the witness protection program and never speak to them again.

Well, whatever you do, don't propose a "menage a twoi" like Seinfeld did.

The judge changed my kid's visitation schedule.

I can't meet your needs for the foreseeable future because I find working on my site and hanging out with my net pals far more absorbing than conversing with you or even looking at your face, actually.

You look too much like my sister/brother, I can't see you anymore.

I'm considering suicide because after being with you, hell should be a breeze.

For women: I've been thinking about us getting married. For men: Does your friend like three-somes?

Mom says I'm too good for you.

You looked better when I was drinking.

Your mom told me you were gay.

I'd like to help you out. Now which way did you come in?

I can't figure out what sex you are, even after having sex with you.

I have finished my unfinished business with you

I love you so much! Let's get married! I want to have lots of children and get a big house and a mortgage and a minivan and....

How about "You're an immature, selfish jerk who couldn't do a goddamn thing for me even if you cared, which you obviously don't, so stop bugging me with your stupid so-called problems and leave me the fCENSOREDk alone." That usually works for me.

Here's the phone number of my doctor, I think you and he should talk....

You smell funny and no, I don't like the way you kiss, I do think it's weird that you like to sing showtunes while having sex... oh wait, that was Mark, wasn't it?

Send a dozen dead roses with a note: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!"

GADZOOKS! You're just not as NEARLY as attractive as you are after 10 beers, two shots of vodka, half a bottle of wine, and a Captain Morgan and Coke with a twist of lime!

"Well, um..."(utilizing big googly eyes of course)" ...my individual mind patterns are breaking down from the appearance of you ... meep..." at this critical point, scream, "Your fault, your fault" until you finally drive them away at a sprint.

Now that I'm sober...I remembered...I'm married and have a kid and live in Nebraska. I don't know why I am in St.Louis, and can I have the key to these handcuffs? Please, I need to go home.

THE DOCTOR SAYS I'M DYING OF CANCER SO I THINK YOU BETTER FIND SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE I'M ONLY EXPECTED TO LIVE FOR 6 MONTHS.

Drop them off at the grocery store and never go pick 'em up.

Hey, did you know that you could leave any time now?? Yeah, I think I made it clear when I started making out with someone else over there!

I used to think size didn't matter, but in your case I have made an exception... so I'm leaving you for bigger and better things. My ex-boyfriend Bruno just came back into town. He finished serving his sentence and is dying to meet you.

Could we reschedule our date for later? I have to go down to the tar pits to worship my dark lord Friday at Midnight.

I want you to meet my family. My mom is an OBGYN specializing in fertility treatments, and my dad does microsurgical vasectomy reversals. They are so excited that I'm dating someone nice!

Are you into horses and stuff? I know I am... I also like sheep. They give you that warm feeling. Hello? Are you still there?

If you don't leave me alone now, I'll blow your frickin head off with my Glock 9mm, b***h!

"Don't forgive, dump me!"