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I'm supposed to be looking for a job.
I'm watching One Piece.
Is what I'm doing wrong?
 EternallyLost · Sat May 21, 2005 @ 09:27am · 0 Comments |
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I'm bored.
Somebody entertain me.
EternallyLost · Sun May 15, 2005 @ 04:04am · 1 Comments |
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Stories of Romance (or lack thereof) |
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Lately I've been sure that I'll live the rest of my life alone.
It's been driving me crazy, and my friends too. They've tried hooking me up with various girls, but none of them worked out. One was asked out earlier that day and accepted, one was a b***h, two weren't interested...
I also took the initiative myself and (tried) hitting on four girls over the past month or so.
Wanna know the funny part?
Each and every one of those four were lesbian.
Isn't that just my luck?
Eeeeh. Maybe I really am meant to be forever alone.
EternallyLost · Sun May 01, 2005 @ 05:40am · 1 Comments |
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I got my first flying gift.
It was the shackles.
I'm happy. For now.
EternallyLost · Sun May 01, 2005 @ 05:24am · 0 Comments |
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Life sucks.
I got a job, one that really, really sucks.... Really, really, really sucks. On top of it, I did the math and I still don't make enough to pay my rent. My job forces me to often work alone, despite the fact I JUST started, plus I have to close, plus I get no breaks. crying
I had to drop THREE of my classes yesterday. Because of that, I'm now officially a part-time college student this semester, which means I lose $600 of my financial aid. Which means I have to make up for that almost immediately. Which my job doesn't pay enough for.
On top of THAT, I lost my health insurance. I was on my dad's plan, but it only covered me as long as I was A) dependant (still am) and B) a full-time college student. Which now I'm not.
Because of some friends text messaging me a lot, I cost my parents some money for their phone bill. My cell is on their plan, you see. Apparantly, I get charged for INCOMING text messages, which I have no control over... and now my dad wants to drop me from his cell phone plan. Which means I'll have no way to contact anybody.
Now add on the depression from losing my girlfriend to another guy, and my dog dying....
I'm sure you can see why I believe life sucks.
EternallyLost · Fri Mar 25, 2005 @ 05:47pm · 3 Comments |
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Isn't it pathetic that I only write in here when I'm feeling angsty? I think so...
I've been thinking lately that I'm doing a good job moving on after Carrie. Now I realize that all I've been doing is shoving thoughts of her to the back of my mind and trying to forget... which, as we all know from television and movies, never works out.
I had a dream last night about her. Well, to be specific, it was about her and Nathan, the guy she cheated on me with. Basically, both of them were in town and decided they wanted a local guide, so they came to me, deciding I was over Carrie.
At first, I was fine. I even shook the guy's hand. But things just got worse as we went around Tampa and I watched the two of them together... I swear, that guy had better appreciate what he has....
Things got bad when Nathan brought up almost every issue I have... He talked about how I wasn't deserving of a great girl like Carrie... how I had simply been a horrible boyfriend... how I lost her because of it....
I think it's the only time I've woken up crying.
EternallyLost · Tue Mar 15, 2005 @ 01:33pm · 1 Comments |
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AKA National Angst Day.
Everywhere I turn are these reminders of relationships, and relationships are the last thing I want on my mind right now.
Did you know I've never been dating on a Valentine's? Last one I had been on a temporary breakup with Carrie. Now our relationship is over, so I am once again unattached for this day of lovebirds and romance.
And everywhere I turn I see red roses, pink cards, white teddy bears, all reminding me of this sad fact.
Whoever invented this day should be shot.
EternallyLost · Mon Feb 07, 2005 @ 11:51am · 0 Comments |
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And so today my friend was kicked out of his house. Now he's going to be rooming with me in my overly-small apartment bedroom. This stinks.
Bad things are happening to people I know, now. This isn't good.
It's also leading me into being depressed again.
Life sucks.
EternallyLost · Fri Jan 28, 2005 @ 07:36pm · 0 Comments |
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It's good to have friends...
I've been really deep in depression lately, for obvious reasons (if you've read anything previous.) I still am, but at least my friends stopped me from doing anything really stupid. Can you believe I almost killed myself? Yeah, stupid, huh?
I'd like to take a moment to thank my friends, even though I know most of them don't read this, or even have a Gaia account.
First, my buddies here in Tampa!
Geki is a psych major, and he actually counselled me like a professional. Except that we were in denny's, and I wasn't on a couch.
Rock listened to me complain more than anybody else, so he deserves props.
Megan actually called me up before I tried killing myself and talked me out of it, so I owe a lot to her.
Yani just knew the right things to say to cheer me up when I got depressed.
My buddy, Tony, my brother, he found out really late what had happened. But he nonetheless tried to cheer me up. He knows me really well; he knew what jokes to crack and what jokes to stay away from.
Now my long-distance and/or online friends. I complained to them all a lot as well, and they all put up with me, which is saying a lot. I was really weepy and depressed, even if only on the phone or even just IMing.
Firstmost is Sierra, a buddy in New York. She seemed most empathetic to my plight, and I really appreciate her.
Next is Yuiri, AKA Amy. She's my sister! Not by blood, but we decided we should be, because we've formed a deep bond over the last few months. She's talked to me a lot and really cheered me up, both over the phone and the net.
Next would be Eric. He knew exactly what I was going through, and could relate to me as I went through so much crap. He helped me sort through a lot of my feelings over Carrie, helped me accept that I'll never stop caring for her, but that I need to accept nothing will happen between us again.
SK was also a big help. Right after Carrie sent her PM, telling me in no uncertain terms that she has no feelings and doesn't want to see/speak to me again, he was able to help me hold on to hope for a while, which did keep me from an initial bout of suicidal thoughts.
Also, last but not least is Chrissy, AKA Carrie's sister. When I went up to visit her family, I really hit it off with all of them, even the uncles and aunts and stuff. They were people I really wouldn't mind as in-laws, though that's obviously not important now. But I was sad I wouldn't speak to them again, because of the way things worked out between me and Carrie, but then she IMs me and tells me that she doesn't want to stop talking to me just because things between me and her sister went sour. So thanks. ^_^
EternallyLost · Mon Jan 24, 2005 @ 10:55pm · 2 Comments |
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