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I'm starting to believe it now. I'm nearly certain that There's some kind of curse on me. Why can't I love someone who actually can love me back? why do I break the hearts of those who love me, and find my heart broken by those I love? why can't two people just love each other? Why can't he love me? why can't anyone love me? does anyone love me? God damnit, why am I thinking like this? why is it that every time I hear the sound of a kawasaki motorcycle, my heart skips a beat and I pray that its him? I've been waiting in this goddamn coffee shop for 4 hours, hoping I'd get a chance to see him. he said he'd see me today. He's not here. why isn't he here? And why do I torture myself over him? is it that sweet, boyish smile? the deep blue eyes? the way he lazily wraps his arm around me? the way he strokes my hair affectionatly before I fall asleep? maybe i'm imagining all this. maybe there is no love an I'm just a crazy girl after all. no one likes a crazy girl. that's what I know, so I make an effort to not be crazy, driving myself crazier in the process. Why...why...WHY?!
[/ stupidity][/rant][/emo moment]
 squeletons · Wed Aug 20, 2008 @ 02:45am · 0 Comments |
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God Damnit... ( caution: depression abounds) |
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So just in case you didn't read the title, this is going ot be a very emo entry, but I need to spill somwhere, and no one I know is awake to listen, so... yeah.
I'm having such a horrible day of depression. I woke up crying, for no reason, but I still felt this horrible sadness, like things would never get better...I'm still feeling a little bit of the effects. Last night I had to cry to get myself to sleep as well.
I do know what part of hte problem is. It's my roommate. With her it's all " what the roommate says, goes, and I say..." and " You know the rules" Yep. She's talking about me and Kristen. She's giving us a goddamn curfew for christ's sake. I brought her to the dorm last wednesday at 11 so she could rest a few minutes before her hour and a half drive home, and Dusting goes all ballistic on me after she leaves. She has the nerve to tell me when I can and Cannot see Kristen! She doesn't understand. Her boyfriend lives right downstairs, and in a single, so she can go see him and do whatever she wants, any time she wants... but no, I have a ******** time limit. the only reason that she doesn't protest to Kristen ever coming to the room is because we have to practice/work out a routine for the show in February.
I'm not even kidding, I seriously dread every day that Kristen comes down, because I know that Dustin will find SOMETHING to be pissed off about. I seriously want to cry my eyes out today. I don't want to go anywhere. nowhere but Donkey. I feel better when I go to donkey...I don't know why. Today though...I'm not sure I even want to go there. I just want to curl up into a ball and die today. I feel Ugly, I feely dirty, I feel... owned.
I took a self evalutation test last night, in the middle of my depressed crying fit, and I came up with four different conditions that reccommended I go see a therapist... Maybe I really do need to go to one... If I'm this bad...
Anyway.. that's what I'm feeling. I don't really feel that much better... but I suppose I'll have to live with it until I can go get help...
squeletons · Mon Jan 15, 2007 @ 03:01pm · 1 Comments |
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That’s right! It’s the season where we all go find a Yule log and carve a conspicuously placed hole or bump into it and...
Hmm? Oh, you're supposed to burn the Yule log? My bad...
Anyway, I woke up this morning, and by morning I mean 2 am. (Yeah I know, ******** sloth) and I enter the kitchen to make breakfast. apparently I got confused though, because I discovered the urge to pee and attempted to unbutton my pants and sit down to pee on one of the dining room chairs gonk Thank god no one was home to se me do that or I would never live it down...Furthermore, I went to the bathroom and looked around trying to find my teapot...I'm just so sleepy and confused today!
Yesterday was a ******** blast, but it was so damn confusing...After I finished my final in Math102, all I had to do was a review in Psy101, and I was ready to go by2. I called the bus and told them, so they came and got me. It was the nice driver again, Joyce heart I love her, she's such a sassy little old lady 4laugh
Anyway, we discovered at the last minute that the cranky old bible thumping two brain cell b***h who rides with me had to go at 4:30 instead of 6. Since the other driver that was available for yesterday was sick, Joyce had to run both routes, and didn't have time to make it back and get the dumb cuntrag. Seriously, this woman is studying to be an early childhood education major, but she fails most of her classes. I don't know how she's made it to junior level thus far. She told me she's failed Junior Comp three times. Three ******** times! Come one, people! scream Anyway, back to my story and away from my rant. Joyce is P-I-S-S-D. She calls her boss and chews him out for letting the other guy leave. I don't blame her. Her doctor has told her that she is not to be on the route for another month, and that she needs to stay in the office. Well ******** McWhineybreeches got a tummy ache and went home without a word to his supervisor. He never even ******** clocked out! He jut left the bus in the parking lot, UNLOCKED AND WITH THE KEYS IN IT, and left.
So Joyce gets done chewing her supervisor out, and turns to look at me with a grin...
“so... how do you wanna kill 2 hours, girl?" she asks me. Now, being ten minutes from one of the biggest malls in Ohio...I didn't really have to say anything... mrgreen She had already started the bus up and was headed for the mall.
Did I mention I LOVE MALLS?!?!?!!?!OMGFTWBBQMALL!!!!!?!>!
So I walk around the mall and window shop a lot, because I = broke college student. I did hit Spencer’s though and pick up a rainbow tie and two matching wristbands. They're so cute. I think I might make a picture for Gaia with me wearing them.
Oh yeah, the point of my Yule title… THEY ALREADY HAD CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS UP! gonk OF course…I am starting to get in the holiday cheer mode, but is a little early to have the ******** Santa display up, don’t you think?
So on down the mall, after a stop and all the good points, especially the Starbucks. Oh how happy I was to see the starbucks. I haven’t gotten starbucks in over three months, and I was starting to go through withdrawal gonk So, I get my lovely caramel latte, and head on down the line... when I come to a little place called "Appalachia" Apparently the Starbucks ran off all the little cart vendors crying However, this guy made his own way and got an actual place in the mall! It’s probably because he has purses that aren't ALL knock-offs. He had great purses, like hemp bags and canvas bags, Indian print and woven... so gorgeous! Lots of really nice long, soft scarves. I almost bought one, as a matter of fact...I just didn't have enough cash. Anyway...we all know the little Indian man who everyone tries to avoid when they enter the mall. All he wants to do is talk to you, and see if you want anything he has for sale. But yet, you avoid him like the plague. Well, I don't. I love talking to little Indian man, damnit. Anyway, this mall's little Indian man was the one who owns this store. So, he comes up to me and starts talking to be about his purses, but I managed to sidetrack him and get him in a very long, drawn out religious discussion about being a vegetarian. Mind you, I'm not yet. I'm too stuck on red meat to quit eating it. However, after talking to him and listening to his beliefs, I almost feel bad when I look at something with meat in it and consider eating it. It's like, he actually did make an impact on my lifestyle... The only thing I couldn't go with him on was caffeine. Sorry, Indian man, I'm literally addicted to that.
So, that was my day in a nutshell yesterday. I got home, had spaghetti and made sauce without meat sweatdrop and worked on homework.
And on a side note, I now have ******** McWhineybreeches in my spell-check dictionary mrgreen
squeletons · Wed Nov 15, 2006 @ 07:41pm · 0 Comments |
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STFU, I GO TO SCHOOL!
STFU, I HAVE A HAMPSTER!!
STUF, I DO IT!!!
Hey everyone, guess what. having a job, going to school, whatever... that's got nothing to do with whether or not you can hold up a decent argument. You can barely pass the 8th grade and still be able to debate your pants off, IF it's a topic you're passionate about.
I'm tired of people juding a person by a: thier sign up date, b: thier age, c: thier items, and d: What they're doing with thier lives.
GET OVER IT, FOLKS. domokun
No one is going to go back to school, or go out and get a job, just because you belittled them. stop thinking so much of your opinion, because no one else does. Sorry, I'm just far too tired of seeing a good argument actually be shot down and disreguarded because the person who said it has only been a user for 3 months, has no donation items, and is a high school student. Mosr of you people who boast of a fabulous job are probably flipping burgers or doing a paper route anyway.
MY RANT IS OVER. I FEEL BETTER. COMMENT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.
Done.
squeletons · Mon Oct 16, 2006 @ 06:08am · 0 Comments |
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...the GD obsess over one person every month? |
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Hey look everyone, it's ( insert prommie here0! lets all make topics about them so they'll get a fat head and strut around calling themselves a prommie!
Nothx.
I spend a lot of time browsing the forums, and just reading over things. I'll admit, I think Sith Lord Ali is an ok guy.I think he's funny, and I think he is a fairly cute little fellow.
but for God's sake, do you see a holy light radiating from his a**? didn't think so.
This always happens. I was just waiting to see who would replace Shinobi Ten as Gd's favorite manwhore. bien chois, GD.
But, I must not criticize. I too, in my newbie days, followed prommies around the forums, trying to catch thier attention and climb on thier shoulders to prommie-dom.
Now I just don't give a rat's a**. If I like you, I talk to you. if I don't, I mind my own business, prommie or not.
most GDers pick that knowledge up within about a year.
Of course in that time span they also lose all thier morals and forget that porn is supposed to be arousing, not disturbing.
I'm done now. Bon Nuit.
squeletons · Tue Sep 12, 2006 @ 06:30am · 0 Comments |
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you people disgust the Jelly.
I realized today that I have such an odd set of morals. they make the most sense to me of any that I've seen anyone express, but no one else seems to share them, save for maybe Remu.
Today I realized why I have weird morals. I wasn't taught any.
I was never told " This is bad" "that is good". All I was given was a strong Christian background and a good luck wish to set my morals. around this basis, I set them. no, I'm not a bible beater. hell, I'm not even christian anymore. I'm Agnostic. but the point is, I took from schristianity the ability to find good and bad in everyone, but to keep my mouth shut about the bad. if given the chance, I could probably sit down with a serial killer and find something nice to say to him in aout ten minutes. it's just the ******** way I am. get the hell over it.
I was also never taught much about sex. how it worked, why it worked, and who it was to work with. I was never told I could love a woman, so I assumed I could, and now I do. I never knew gay was considered wrong. hence, my morals don't focus around that. I believe in a freedom to love whoever the ******** you want. I'm not always into SEEING you love whoeve rthe ******** you want, but I don't care if you do.
I can be mean, I'll admit that, but it's the goddamn internet, people. you should never take anything said on the internet to heart.I've met so many people who were completely different people on the internet. I used to have a friend who was 15 and female, but online she had everyone believing her lie that she was a 24 year old male with a wife and twin daughters.
Ok, my rant is now over. back to your regularly scheduled programming. burning_eyes
squeletons · Mon Jul 17, 2006 @ 04:38pm · 0 Comments |
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I can't escape the magic!!! |
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Ok, I don't think I'm ever going to get this anime demon off my back. every time I get to a point where I don't care much about Gravitation anymore, I see a freakin AWESOME AMV for it and I get stuck again.
I gave away my CD that had all the music from Gravi on it.
I'm re-downloading and re-burning it right now.
I = LAME-O gonk
I know it's getting kind of old now, but Gravitation took my shonen-ai virginity heart I'm stuck with it forever now.
I also realized as of today that I am Yuki and Shuuichi's lovechild. I dress like shuuichi, but I have messy blonde hair and brown eyes. half the time I act like one, or the other, or both.
hear that fangirls? I'm thier lovechild. dote on me now. The lovechild desires a nitemare scarf! ( Eh, I can dream, can't I? sweatdrop )
squeletons · Sat Jul 15, 2006 @ 04:23pm · 1 Comments |
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There's a tree on my face T_T |
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So, I've had this weird itch right under my jaw since I helped Remu's mom prune her hedges. It's been driving me nuts for about three days. well, today I took a little mirror and used it to look under my jaw ( it's kind of hard to see in that little shadow, y'know? ) and saw ...well, a large itchy red spot.
I asked Remu's mom what it could be from, and she chose this moment to inform me that there is also a little bit of poison oak under her hedges. I was the sucker who was crawling around under the hedges cutting weeds.
this did bring to my attention though, that I have a high pain tolerance. I don't LIKE pain, but if it's a means to an end I'll do it.
there's this wives tale that says to put blech on a posion ivy/oak/whatever rash and it will dry out. ok, sounds good to me. oh by the way, they say, you might want to have someone help you, because it will burn badly for the first ten minutes or so. aright, whatev.
so I'm in the bathroom with this cotton swab and a bottle of bleach, dabbing at my face. yeah, it burns like a b***h, but I didn't need any help, I didn'tneed anyone to coddle me when it was done. I consider this my big-girl step. I cna take a shitload of pain without crying to mommy. woo hoo! However, I left it on just a little bit too long and ended up with slightly burned skin. didn't feel that one coming either.
so now I have this thick yucky cream on my face called "Ivarest" ,which is making this nice tingling sensation in place of the incessant itching. this s**t had better be gone by the time that Remu gets back. I can't snuggle her if i'm going to give her my poison tree s**t gonk
squeletons · Fri Jul 14, 2006 @ 08:11pm · 0 Comments |
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