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I'm tired of lying, and I'm tired of hiding too. I've done something terrible, and I want to make up for it. I don't know how, but I will.

I hurt a boy named Kilos, and I wish I could have healed him magically like it's possible to do in a roleplay, but this wasn't something that could be recovered from... I loved Kilos, but even he never believed it was true. I don't blame him, of course, because I'm not someone who should be trusted. I don't even trust myself anymore...

I betrayed Kilos, and abandoned him while he was in need on top of that... For that, I will never be forgiven, and I don't wish to be. I won't ever forget what I did, and I don't show it at all because I don't want to push my troubles off onto my friends, but I feel regret and guilt for it every day. I wanted to be the person who could stay with him and care for him when he needed me most, but I did just the opposite. I only wish now that I could take all of the hurt away from him now...

I left, or rather, ran away, and had heard a lot of stories of the changes that Kilos was going through. I wished I wasn't such a coward, but I was, so I didn't try to help him... I approached him a few times, but of course, he didn't want to speak to me in the least. Even if I had tried harder, there wasn't anything I could do for him. I had already done enough damage, so I left...

I had met Arunau shortly before that, and at first thought I hated him. What I really hated was how comfortable I was around him, so comfortable that I could argue with him and joke with him in the same sentence. For a few days, we confused everyone with our antics. Were we kidding, or did we really hate each other? No one could tell, but we had fun with it.

He was the vice captain of my brother's clan, the Gao Su, and he had originally wanted to kill me, due to the fact that I was the leader of the Ryo Dan, enemies of the Gao Su, and also because of my "annoying" antics. Instead we ended up falling in love, and I at first tried to deny it, telling him that I loved Kilos, but for some reason he wouldn't buy it.

I made the mistake in running away with him, where I should have stood up and admitted to everyone the truth, but of course I didn't. We both decided to disappear from the lives of everyone, but found that losing such good friends is harder than we thought it would be. We were drawn back, and saw that the entire place had 'gone to hell' while we were away. Kilos had gone on a rage, my brother, Shin, had quit gaia, and the place was full of more drama than before.

If I had just returned as myself and tried to fix things like I should have, then maybe things wouldn't be as bad as they are, but I continued to run, hearing that Kilos was now out to kill me, too. He had every right to, but I ran.

Now I've finally decided it's time to pull myself together and face the consequences.

If everyone comes to hate me for it, I would deserve it. Only now I accept it. I won't run away again.

And if I could ask you all, whoever you are, to please help to comfort Kilos for me, then that will be all I ask. Please don't hurt him... don't be mad at him or try to make him feel worse. He really needs everyone's help and prayers.

Kilos... I'm sorry. If there was anything I could do to take away your hurt, I would do it. You may not think it's true, but I do and have always loved you as if you were my older brother. I'm sorry I had to be the second person to hurt you...

Don't forgive me for it, but don't let it hurt you anymore.

This is my sin to bear...