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scared of love
hmmm. been a while since iv done one of these, but theres something on my mind that i need to put out there one way or another. maybe someone will see, maybe not but i need to let it out.
me, a few friends, and a few friends of said friends (one of which is pretty hot) went to Knotts berry/ scary farm (an amusement park for you non cali folk). as we're going through one of the scare maze things, one of the girls (yes the hot one) grabs onto my arm and whispers "your my new best friend dont leave me". and instead of thinking iv got a chance or iv hit the jackpot i should make a move or something, the only thing that came to my mind was 'please let this mean nothing, please let this mean nothing'... it didnt, but i couldnt enjoy the rest of my night cuz the only thing i could think about was why that was the first place my mind went to, WHY did i want it to mean nothing, WHY couldnt i say anything to her the rest of the night, WHY am i such a wuss. then it hit me, my last relationship (that was over 6 years ago) didnt end too well and i was afraid of ending up like that again. and even if it were to, by some grace of god, actually work out i wouldnt be able to give here much, and i dont mean like gifts or anything like that, but what would we do together? shes this hot social butterfly and im some antisocial introvert who spends most of his time if not all playing games and works some craptacualer job getting paid just over minimum wage... i dont know.... maybe im right, maybe im wrong, maybe i just dont have much self-esteem... i dont even fully understand it all myself, all i know is that i hate feeling like this.
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song to go with the previous entry
Is this wrong of me? I've come so far, so fast
I'm in the dark about a lot of things
Seems so real - TO ME!
I'VE CONSECRATED!
I WISH THAT I COULD HATE IT
I SAW MY BLOODY HANDS COME CLEAN... BEFORE MY EYES!
And I hear my wants and needs again, can you help me?
And I hear a different kind again, someone stop me
And I feel the strain inside my mind, am I crazy?
And I need to shed my skin, reveal this monolith within
Visions plague my dreams - oh God, what beast did this?
I couldn't have: oh Jesus, I just don't know
What's inside - OF ME?
I'VE DESECRATED!
MY GOD, I LOVE TO HATE IT!
MY HANDS ARE BLOODY AGAIN, THERE'S NO REASON WHY!
And I hear my wants and needs again, can you help me?
And I hear a different kind again, someone stop me
And I feel the strain inside my mind, am I crazy?
And I need to shed my skin, reveal this monolith within
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