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I really don't know why I even bother with this thing anymore. No one reads it, and I never write anything worth reading.

Some time ago, I started two private roleplays with one of my friends. I think one of them is on the verge of dying at the moment, but I suppose that's what happens. It's a bit difficult to roleplay so many characters simultaneously and still give the each the attention they deserve. Also, because I've never really read Fruits Basket, I'm not too sure what the original characters were like. I try my own interpretation, but it never seems to be mature enough.

Kyou should be egotistical, but not so much that it always chokes him. Maybe a bit more embarrassed than simply angry, a bit more tortured than he lets on. Tortured isn't really the right word here, because that really denotes a selfish and childish nature. He should have his problems, but they shouldn't get in the way so much that he can't enjoy life.

Shigure is more of a problem. My friend tells me he's a lot darker than he appears, but I don't quite see how that may happen. In what way is he sinister? I agree that characters like him are usually up to something, but given the current scene, what could he possibly have up his sleeve? I feel as though my Shigure is too openly serious.

The character of my own creation poses perhaps the biggest challenge of all. I don't know how I want to roleplay her. Ken is cold, but she is not uncaring or unkind. I believe she actually cares much for those around her, and would like to help them more than she thinks she is able to. She might fit one of those "concerned big sister" roles, but it seems to stuffy for her. If I make her feel as though she is only a shadow of her sister, then she becomes too angsty, and angsty people are downright annoying to roleplay because they wallow too much in their misery. She should be prouder than that. Not quite "strong," but flexible enough to overcome any obstacle? It doesn't fit her image.

And speaking of image, I did try out a variety of roles a while back. I found it particularly difficult to roleplay "evil" characters, as I was always at a loss at to what they should be doing that would label them as evil. Kind, considerate characters just don't cut it for me. I simply don't understand why they can be so self-sacrificing and/or care so much about how other people are feeling. Why don't they care more about themselves for a change?

I think it's probable that the characters whose personalities are closest to my own are portrayed the best. And what kind of characters are these, you ask? Why, they're just like me: lazy, apathetic, oblivious, egotistical, narcissistic, deceiving, lamb-faced little devils who like to appear as though they know what they're doing.

Okay, so half-way through that list, I became a little caricatured. I'm not that bad a person, or at least, I don't think I am. None of my characters are quite that nasty either. We must all have our good traits. None of us are particularly kind or sappy, but we must at least be partially sympathetic to a good sob story.

As usual, at this part of the story, I suddenly run out of ideas. The gears have stopped. Abrupt, but now I'm just rambling. So I'll just...stop.