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I swear some people just need to die and I would be glad to end their life myself if they were worth going to jail for.
Is it so bad that I want her to die? For her to fall off the face of this earth and be forgotten? Maybe it's a little harsh, but no one ******** with my life or any of my friends and loved ones and expects to live to tell a story.
I think during my break I'll focus my efforts into at least scaring her. She needs to know that she is not top b***h. She never was, she's nothing but a nuisance in this world. She almost caused her own father's death over her stupidity.
I hate her so much...but you don't understand do you? You continue to punish me. I hate you. You better not be within reach if something happens. I haven't hurt you yet, but I will.
I need a release, I need joy, I need him.
 Ioniset · Tue Nov 25, 2008 @ 03:22am · 0 Comments |
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So there is light at the end of the tunnel
Ioniset · Tue Nov 25, 2008 @ 01:09am · 0 Comments |
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Ever notice how people the play games, RP, and generally spend a lot of time on the internet are VERY emotional, over think everything and notice EVERYTHING?!
And those that don't kind are oblivious to the world around them.
I don't know, just a thought.
Well TG is almost here, my Lui is coming to visit. First thing on the agenda, one big ******** SLAP to the face. Putting me through stress at the wrong time. I might go easy and just do a hand slap, but I have these wood poles in my room....I don't know, I might enjoy it and accidentally kill him.
Diary of a mad black woman, eh?
Anyway, I see this weekend going oh so wrong. But my roomie says it will be fine. Such and imagination I have, I see everything coming to light and ruining me. Haha, taking a lot for the team. rofl
Ioniset · Mon Nov 24, 2008 @ 10:47am · 0 Comments |
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It's been a year or so since I've posted anything here. I'm suprised I remembered the password and my name. Ha...and this is sadly the only place I can post without getting myself in trouble, or unwanted company to peep into my life. Anyway, here it goes.
Friends -
A lot has changed, I used to have a family back home. My gamestop peeps. I loved them so much. But things changed, drama started and people got stupid. I still talk to a few of them, but we've all moved on to...well most of us (the smart ones) bigger and better things. But now I'm in Cali and I have/had awesome friends. I lost one to something stupid, something I can't forget. A moment in life that was so nice, but so wrong. And I'm still paying for it with my soul. We're technically still friends, but we can't talk or see each other. An agreement that had to be done in order to live peaceful lives with the ones we love.
I lost another friend, but we're back in action. Bonnie and Clyde, just not a couple. But I still think it's weird so I've detached myself partially from him to keep things simple. I have a new roommate and she's awesome. Totally on the same wavelength on a lot of things. Selma and Lois?
Relationships -
What can I say about this....INSANITY!!! First I lose the one I thought I loved. Makes me question everything since I was able to let go so easily. I felt bad of course, but after learning something, I went cold. It was really weird...
Then I was having to chose between two friends. what the ********... It was just one and everything was fine. And ******** coincidental. We were both going to LA! How easy could that have been? But no, my other friend breaks up with his gf and goes after me. The both had their promising values that I could fall in love with. 1. Smart, Really cute, Willing to impress, already knew what he wanted in life, physical connection was there, outgoing (opposite to my stationary self), that could have been a good thing. But what held me back was, were we on the same level, would I hold him back, he wanted to see the world were as I would love to settle in LA.
2. Smart, easy to be myself around, i was never nervous, really cute, homebody like me, life minded, same level. Holding me back - he was staying in TX, long distance, just got out of a 5 year relationship. ******** my life right?
I go with 2.
And everything was perfect until I moved. And it has just been down hill from here and I'm losing my life to this. At least that was it feels like because I'm trying so hard to keep this together. Even though I messed up, I trying my damnedest to keep it together. ******** MY LIFE!
I miss 2 because I hate to say it, but I just realized not too long ago that he was perfect, even with long distance, he was perfect. I hate myself.
School -
I'm breezing through like nothing else until this quarter. It's not hard, but my teachers are seeing that I'm not putting too much effort and want to fail me because of it. Nope, my work and understanding is way better than those that try to ******** hard and still don't get it. Don't make me step it up and PWN your asses.
And now I'm having financial issues and might have to go home. And what's at home? My blood family, and soon to be my ex-bf. UGH, I can't win anymore. My spoiled luck has ran out big time.
General -
I think I'm just going crazy. I'm having a lot of fun. But all in all I think I'm going crazy. With school, friends, love and money ******** up, I'm near a complete break down. AND it's way too ******** warm in this apartment. ******** ******** ********! Not to mention I'm constantly turned on just thinking about a certain someone. Ha~ I hate this...
Ioniset · Sun Nov 23, 2008 @ 01:20am · 0 Comments |
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I know no one really reads this...so I'm thinking it's safe to post my mind here.
Lately, well probably since July, I've been growing very emotional and now it has just reached the point of being overly stressed. It's not school that stresses me. It probably adds to it, but not as big as other things...the little things.
I don't know why, but lately everything is just making me breakdown and cry. I've said this before, but it's not as extreme as it is now. For example, I'll probably drop my cell phone and bust out crying, but only when I'm not around anyone, people don't need to know I'm weak for the time being.
I'm falling deeper and deeper into the hole each day...maybe I need to voice my pains. But there is no one I can really talk to anymore. Talking to myself just drives me insane, because I'm not talking to myself exactly, but to another mind that doesn't care.
My problems seem so childish and insecure. Though I've been told once, maybe twice, that everything is fine, a single thought burns through my mind. "But what if..."
I'm happy for the life I live. Two overly caring parents, a close friend and someone I love. But even with these rays of hope, I still wonder "But what if..." I'm destroying myself, but it's not completely me. There are things that give me a reason to second guess my life and wonder if there's something hidden beneath the good...like I'm missing something.
I've become the girl I never wanted to be...I've become helpless and weak. I'm no longer independent. Physically, I'm okay, just mentally, I need someone to tell me everything is okay, nothing needs to be read into, you're just making it worse, rest and live.
I don't know how long I'll last, but if I don't cut it out soon..not long.
Ioniset · Sat Jan 07, 2006 @ 10:04am · 1 Comments |
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Okay, I will not be on as much, if any for that matter. Hit me up on aim, msn, or yahoo. I'll be on all three from now on.
TCE, you can use my account as a mule, sell the s**t in it, I don't care. It's yours now, I have no use for any of it.
Ioniset · Fri Sep 30, 2005 @ 02:44pm · 0 Comments |
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Years have passed our eyes and we are now waking up to the real world. It's almost sad to watch everyone come to realise that there is more to life than "He said, she said" and whom to date, mock, or laugh at. We're coming to that point to where it all does not matter...
Don't you just wish you could stay a vege longer?
~The calling of my name...I look to the sky...but why? I see nothing, but I hawk flying past. I brush of the voice as I idly watch the hawk flying off to a probably pre-determined destination. Hmm...I wish I had somewhere to go... Continuing walking down the sidewalk, thinking to myself, again, in my own little world until I reach a fimiliar place. Although dark and unwelcoming, I'm drawn to it. Up the stairs and into the building...why? The word that escapes my lips...~~
To be continues-
Ioniset · Thu Apr 14, 2005 @ 02:17am · 0 Comments |
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