1155 The first crusade to Finland by some f** from Sweden. Finland becomes part of the gay orgy that is Swedish realm.

1156 First IKEA opens in Finland

1809 Finland is handed over to Russia by Sweden on a dare and becomes a partly autonomous outpost under the Russian emperor.

1917 Finland declared "Doormat of Europe" on December 6.

1919 Russia sells Finland back to Sweden for some salted cod and a couple of bottles of vodka.

1955 "Whining" declared Finland's National Sport

1995 Adopts the Euro as its currency (replacing the unwieldy antler currency of its forefathers)

2000 Incumbent, President Mrs. Tarja Halonen, declared "Supreme Lutefisk for Life"

Finland's economy is based solely on the Moomins. They are the country's principal produce, export item and source of food. It has been estimated that if Sweden was to take over the Moomins, Finland would starve and implode within 6.2 days. Some Moomin sales are created for Finland's internal markets due to the fact that Finnish lesbians traditionally get children by getting a man to jack off into a Moomin mug and then inject the sperm into their virgin cunts (this is actually true).

Finland's gay friends
Norway (A species of giants who make moonshine and piss oil)
Denmark (Left-over Germans)
Iceland (Björk and polar bears)
Sweden (A p***y-whipped nation where women strap-on-d***o-rape men on Fridays (and Mondays). Swedish men come to Finland to ********, because in Sweden they just get violently dildöed.)

Finnish sources of pride
The Winter War - Epic lulzfest where the Russians lost to a bunch of hunters on skis (and on amphetamine). IRL Counterstrike tough guy Simyo Heyha pnt At least 100 Russians who bawwed he was using an AIMbot and brought in the bazookas but failed to IRL permaban him.
Linux - a shitty operating system written by the nerd Linus Torvalds.
IRC - the text-based warez program invented by a drunken student from Oulu, a village in Lapland (the northernmost part of Finland, where convicts are deported after repeated offenses of rape).
The sauna - a Russian device made for torture, used in Finland for recreational purposes (that is, ogling boobs and vulvas). Popular among fat and bald Finnish men.
Nokia - the Japanese mobile phone company acquired by Finnish pirates in a hostile takeover after the fall of communism. Makes fugly and weak cell phones.(your fugly and weak) shockproof and slightly waterproof phones enabling you to beat someone to death with it and then call the cops with it afterwards.
It's too cold for the Niggers
Finlandia Vodka - an intoxicating beverage, owned by an American company. Will ******** you up good, srsly.
The Winter War - When Russia zerg rushed Finland, the tiny Finish army bent them over and goatsed their poopers.
Tom of Finland - the gayest cartoonist of all time.
HIM - the favorite band of German, scat-loving 16-year-old girls
Children of Bodom - the favorite band of Finnish 16-year-old girls who secretly (or not so secretly) hope to be raped by a Grim Reaper on speed. C.O.B also has lots of Finnish fanboys, which they rape at the backstage.
Impaled Nazarene - a family-friendly band with wonderful Christmas carols such as "Goat Sodomy" and "I Eat p***y For Breakfast"
Lordi - a really ******** awesome band. In 2006 it trolled the Eurovision Song Contest by actually winning, being as it was the first non-pop group to do so. It was their manliest achievment.
Habbo Hotel - a virtual hotel on the internets, where ***** go to hunt for 16-year-old girls.
Seppo Lehto - *duh* an hero ??!!
Their love of ED and Goatse in all of Google
The IRC-Gallery - the equally crappy Finnish version of MySpace. Popular among 16-year-old girls.
It's pretty obvious that there is no real reason whatsoever for a Finn to be proud of his national heritage.
Tarja Halonen is the most famous Lesbian in Finland, she kinda looks like Conan O'Brien if you squint just right. Formerly known as the president of Finland, she is now only old Meme. Not to be confused with Tarja Turunen, the ex-Nightwish vocalist, and b***h who thinks she's an opera singer.
Molotov Cocktail - Finns take great pride in having invented the weapon of choice for rioters the world over. Made by mixing tar and flammable liquids in a glass bottle. Created as a "gift to Molotov", the Soviet politician by pro-Nazi Finns during World War II.
Cellphones - The kind that hurt your face!
Finnish girls are pretty HAAWT. The writer visited in Finland in 2004, and...oh I'm not virgin anymore! >ZOMG CHECK IT OUT!!<
The six hottest Finnish girls formed a band called Tiktak and thoroughly pwned all other forms of music. Their plan to take over the entire world with their awesome music was thwarted by the United States, because Americunts are too stupid to understand any language but their own.
Tall tree tops - Yes, Finland has it all!