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A young man finally got a date with the blonde female that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.

Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get sunburn on his "tool of the trade". But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.

The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk.

He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his member immersed in a glass of milk.

Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"

An englishman, scotsman and an irishman are on a plane together when it begins to divebomb, sending them to certain death. In order to escape, the plane has to loose lots of weight quickly to allow it to continue to fly. They decide that each man has to throw out a possesion.
'I'll throw out a rose, 'cos theres lots of them in my country' says the Englishman.
'I'll throw out a thistle, 'cos there's lots of them in my country' says the Scotsman.
'I'll throw out bomb, 'cos' theres lots of them in my country' says the Irishman.
Luckily, their plan works and they survive, and they each go home to their families.
As the Englishman comes home he sees his dad weeping and says 'Dad! Dad! Why are you crying!?' to which his dad replies 'a rose fell out the sky and the thorns slit your mothers throat!'
As the Scotsman comes home he sees his dad weeping and says 'Dad! Dad! Why are you crying!?' to which his dad replies 'A thistle fell from the sky and the prickles blinded your mother!'

As the Irishman comes home he sees his dad laughing and says 'Dad! Dad! why are you laughing?!' to which his dad replies:

'I farted and next doors house blew up'

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU b*****d!!!!"