I was writing this in the Chatterbox to vent but realized it probably wouldn't get very nice responses, so I've moved it here...
"My Immortal" by Evanescence- I miss someone that I cared about deeply and it's gone on for so long now that the pain is making me tired. These wounds don't seem to heal.
"Just Haven't Met You Yet" by Twisted Measure- I keep telling myself that someday, one of these guys will make me forget about him. So far, for the last ten years, it has not worked out yet.
"Famous Last Words" by My Chemical Romance- I'm realizing that there may well have been nothing I could do to make that person stay. But their absence makes me feel like I'm not whole. Also, I am not afraid to keep on living, despite the pain.
"Lucky" by Britney Spears- When I was little, I had experiences that made me relate to this track enough to cry to it. The kids at school probably all thought my life was so perfect because I always got all the best toys, I made good grades and I was considered to be 'pretty'. But things happened behind closed doors (narcissistic dad for example) that they didn't know about and when I wanted an actual friend, they were always only coming over to play with my toys. I was "Lucky". I heard this track on my Britney Spears CD one day and started crying for her. Now, I still cry to it but it's more because I know there are some people out there that probably look at me and think I'm "Lucky" in some way, especially in assuming that I must have someone because they find me pretty or likeable... but the truth is I don't have someone and it stings.
"Peter Pan" by Kelsea Ballerini- I never thought that person would walk away from me for the last time. He handled the whole situation so immaturely... Now it's happily ever never and I guess now I know better.
"Love Story" by Taylor Swift- We were both young when I first 'saw' him. I close my eyes and the flashback starts, I'm sittin' there... In my family's computer chair. See the posts, see the shops and the avis (avatars), see him make his way to my inbox and say "meow"... Little did I know... ._. The day was February 14th, 2006. The website was GaiaOnline.com. And my dad also said 'stay away from Juliette' and I was cryin' on the phone, beggin' him, 'please don't go'... This song tells such a similar story to ours, except the ending is obviously different. He and I wanted to get married but... he never asked me. We both said we'd get married after graduating from college together. I walked the graduation stage alone and not completely feeling it. In fact, it was difficult to even show up for graduation at all. My anxiety was so high because I never thought I'd be walking the stage alone.
"Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper- The memories call out to me and make me slow down just to spend a little while in them. It feels like I'll somehow always be here for that person time after time. He's calling to me but I can't hear his voice.
"I'm Not That Girl" from "Wicked"- Sometimes, there's things you enjoy with someone that you don't realize are going to bite you hard when that person is gone. We were both "Wicked" fans, reading the book(s) and even going to see it on Broadway together. Little did I know, he was both my Fiyero AND my Galinda. But watching him leave with someone else was like being Elphie and watching Fiyero leave for Galinda...
"Honeybee" by Steam Powered Giraffe- We weren't together anymore during it... But this was our last concert together. I sometimes wonder if he still listens to Steam Powered Giraffe. I know I do because even if he was with her already, at least I could still easily see that he was alive and okay and I even miss that little bit of him sometimes. When I do, I put this track on...
"I'm With You" by Avril Lavigne- I'm on my own and I don't expect that there's anyone coming to rescue me. But for quite a few years, I had hope that he might come back. He did but he also didn't. He did but the him that tried to come back was someone else and I think I dodged a bullet. I want a sense of familiarity and home back but it's not worth being with the person he turned into, even if he wasn't married now.
"Unbeautiful" by Lesley Roy- When he left, I was left wondering what happened for a long, long time. I didn't know if it was us falling apart, if he had lied, if it was just that his draw to her outweighed his draw to me... I had no clue. All I knew was that the promise of "forever" had shattered into a million pieces and from that point on, I was not going to know what to do with my life.
"Lips of an Angel" by Hinder- I remember when we were together, we once said to each other that this song would be us one day if we ever broke up and went with other people. I used to say that I sincerely hoped it would never come to us finding that out for sure. But... it did come true and we did find out. I remember giggling through my tears as I told him how good it felt to hear his voice again over the phone...
"The Saga Begins" by Weird Al Yankovic- I'm not into Star Wars. But I loved this song anyway when I was little and when I had him in my life and found out he was into Star Wars, I shared the song with him. He loved it. But now it reminds me of all the times he told me about characters and stories from the Star Wars franchise... I put this on and I can almost hear him talking my ear off again. ._.
"All Or Nothing" by O-Town- I actually miss what we had so badly and it hurts me so much to miss it that more than once, this song has almost been the words of whoever I was with. But I don't want them to think they have to compete with memories. I need someone who understands that I had a life before them, someone who will just hold me when the pain gets to be too much for me.
"Far Away" by Nickelback- Mistakes were made, I made him wait... and now it's been way too long. I really loved him all along and I miss the him that loved me back that same way so much... I have often dreamed that he's with me again and waking up from those dreams is the hardest thing... In those dreams, he's almost always in his L cosplay from Death Note, the white long sleeved shirt and denim jeans... The outfit he wore when he first came down to visit me... I still remember how that first hug felt and I can feel it in those dreams... I miss feeling that in my real awake life so badly.
"The Saltwater Room" by Owl City- I put this track on when I'm trying to calm down from missing that person. It's about a failing relationship but somehow, the tone of it is just too calming to make my sadness worse. Relatable and still calming.
"Slipped Away" by Avril Lavigne- This is the one fan made music video I did that I now hate. A matter of weeks before that person walked away from me for the last time, I completed a fan music video of "Edward Scissorhands" set to this song and posted it to YouTube. I used to joke with that person and say that if we were Johnny Depp Tim Burton characters, he was Sweeney Todd and I was Edward Scissorhands, the two ostracized gothic barbers. Creatively similar but one more gentle than the other who had been hardened by life. I sometimes drew or wrote Sweeney and Edward while thinking about us and once, we even cosplayed them to a convention together. Anyway... I made the music video though about Kim and Edward watching each other slip away, which is pretty much the core of the story in the film. Not long after that, I watched him walk away for the last time and I remember deciding that I would try throwing myself into my hobbies like Edward did to making ice sculptures. I did not slip away from him... but I felt like Edward watching Kim slip away... Watching my Sweeney slip away.
"Stay" by 4EverFreeBrony- I sometimes wish my eyes are playing tricks on me whenever I see one of his usernames on PonyTown while he's cuddled up with someone else. It's definitely not the same. I'm reminded every time that he's gone... and when I have those dreams with him in them, I never want him to leave but... he always does.
"Don't Wake Me" by Skillet- This song has so many words I wish I could say to him. I'm always remembering our time together and I'm often reminded that I won't ever have it back. I'm also just as often having to try to remind myself that maybe I can have it again with someone else and that I don't need to have it back with the exact same person, especially after he treated me the way that he did in 2021.
"Here's To Us" by Halestorm- You could put a montage of our memories to this song...
"As The World Falls Down" by David Bowie- I NEVER imagined this song would hurt. He was also a big David Bowie fan who had been raised on Jim Henson. In fact, I don't think I'd be into Jim Henson's works now if I hadn't met him. I hear this and all I remember is how many times we watched "Labyrinth" together on the couch... I hear this and I swear I can almost feel him sitting beside me, vibing to the song. I remember when we would roleplay as Sarah and Jareth as well... and how much we wanted to cosplay them. I remember our debates about what gender Ludo was and our discussions of how to solve the guard dogs' lies and truth puzzle/riddle. I remember too how impressed we were with the optical illusion rock/face in one scene and how we would both double over laughing when Sarah and Hoggle got to the talking faces and one of us would crack a "Hello, dumb-dumb, give me gum-gum" line from "Night At The Museum"...
"Pins and Needles" by The Birthday Massacre- This city's just not pretty like it used to be. It's always a nightmare, it's never a dream, the promise we made to kill the days between... Yeah. The promise we made for sure is always a nightmare for me now, never a dream. This song reminds me too of a poem by Tim Burton that fits how I feel... "Her skin is white cloth and she's all sewn apart and she has many colored pins sticking out of her heart. She has a beautiful set of hypno-disc eyes, the ones that she uses to hypnotize guys. She has many different zombies who are deeply in her trance- she even has a zombie who was originally from France. But she knows she has a curse on her, a curse she cannot win. For if someone gets too close to her, the pins stick farther in.". Whenever a guy gets too close to me, I'm just reminded of what I lost and it hurts terribly...
"He Stopped Loving Her Today" by George Jones- I think this may be the kind of love that I got for that person. I never forget about him even though he's largely forgotten me. I know this because the last time I talked to him directly, before he turned on me, we got to talking about our fandoms and he said something like "Did you know-?" and I smiled and said yes, I did know because I remembered him telling me years back. Then I asked him if he remembered something and he said that to be honest, he had forgotten a lot about our time together and he honestly was not expecting me to remember much of it either... Which... Ouch. That was hard to take. It's a tough pill to swallow when you have to realize that your love for someone was real and enduring but theirs for you was... not.
Sometimes, you don't know you have true love until it's gone. I'm crying so badly now... There's nothing I miss more than being held by him when he loved me and right now, that would really help end my tears if it could happen but I know that it can't.
Lydia/32/F/Ace+Ficto, Reborn Doll Collector (Featured Doll: Cain Sawyer)Click my Pokemon please?--> 
