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"Those who hide themselves in shadow, are the ones truly at fault for bad incidents to those around them."

Community Member

{spoiler]So my parents are undergoing a divorce. Great. I'm 27 and due to Asperger's and some physical issues, the court counts me as the "adult disabled child". Great. Fine. At least I'm getting some nice support from that. I'm still living in the house I grew up in. My mom ditched us early this year and went to stay in her mom's condo. For the last decade or so of my life, my mom was very toxic/vindictive when she wasn't being a good mom/wife. If asked about any of this behavior, she says her behavior was acceptable because my dad would do things like leave for long amounts of time, spend money he wasn't supposed to and also sometimes had unfamiliar women like his posts on Facebook. But there's another monkey wrench in the situation. Those women have told me personally that they had never actually met my dad in person. My dad went to the bank and got official records of any and all money he or mom ever spent from their account and all of it points to my mom. Dad would also leave for longer periods sometimes because work took longer and his friends have vouched for him. Mom also tried to say that he would come home from a long day at work and not want to go out with her. Dad says he couldn't help that because he was tired.

But!! More confusion. The divorce isn't even finalized and dad is trying to bring this other woman that has supposedly known him in person for a WHILE into my life with her sons. I am NOT comfortable with it and even my best friends all say that it seems really fishy and too soon. He has also had STUFF [censoring] with this woman at our house. I know because I was there and it was traumatizing because he just brought her here and she wasn't even here to meet me for the first time for more than an hour before they went to the bedroom and I could hear her drunk butt yelling out. I was so upset by the experience, I had to sneak out and go stay the night with my mom. Now, just a few weeks after that event, I find myself once again staying up every night missing the feeling of having my mom here with us.

This whole thing is so confusing. I feel like neither parent did what the other accuses them of at times but then at others, I feel like those feelings aren't totally right. The only things I know for certain are that my dad didn't spend money when we couldn't afford it and my mom did sometimes have a hard time resisting bullying me in the home. But I still love her despite that because when she wasn't bullying me, she was giving me good advice, showing me how to do things and spoiling me with stuff I liked. I also still love my dad for many of those same reasons. I love both and I want them to both be happy but I also sort of want them both to realize what they are doing and stop this mess of divorce, too... I don't know what to do except cry every night from the stress of all of this going on. I've even wondered if suicide would get me out of this mess but I know that that's not the case so I won't even try it. But this is one of the most difficult and scary things I have ever had to go through in my entire life. It's one of those things that... No matter what age you are, it makes you question whether or not real love exists.

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Hello, my name is Lydia. :)
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