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Hello peeps!
I decided to post today because I'm putting off homework and it's my b-day! WOOT!!
Yeah, looking back, I was severly messed up. I still am, don't get me wrong That's all because of me dudes and dudettes!, but I feel...better. While that little voice is still there Thank you very much., I'm myself more. I'm learning, and my Lord is definately helping me. I can put off that voice, but I can still be haunting by it. You'll never get rid of me love. It doesn't matter though, because whenever I'm acting pathetic, I remember the Bible verses I memorized and something my friend said awhile ago. My friends and I were at a dance, and I was acting hyper then I get to come out now and again like I usually do when I'm really happy. I don't know what it is about dances, but I always have a blast just acting like myself and being a doof on the dance floor. It's so much fun! Anyways, my friend liked this one boy for all year, so I told her to go and ask him to dance. Every time I've done it, the boy said yes (that boy ended up my ex-boyfriend... sweatdrop ). I told her to live life. She, of course, got upset and yelled a bit at me. She said "...I'm not strong like you!" somewhere in the course of there, and I'll probably remember that until my dying day. We got past the fight and everything, but I realized how my friends looked at me. I was strong. Woah... I really didn't believe it And you shouldn't, but I saw how they saw me, and I liked it. I thought on a lot of stuff, and I realized that whenever they needed to talk about serious stuff, they came to me. Did they really think I had everything together enough to be that source of help? Idiots... I didn't want to tell them different, so I come to try and be as they saw me, and I realized that deep down, I really was strong. With my God on my side, I could do it. While I still faced a whole bunch of troubles (God never said it would be easy right?), I needed to be strong. People needed me that way, and I wanted to be that way. The person I really am is that way, and I just need to get her out. I can do it, at least, I keep telling myself that. I'm still wrecked with self doubt, but I'm still going. I guess that's something.
 ShadowLOTW · Wed Apr 30, 2008 @ 10:18pm · 0 Comments |
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