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So I now know that no one is aware of this account, and I can write whatever I want. I'm kind of mad at F. They said I could have thta stuff, then changed their mind. Damn it! I was starting to like it alot.........I should come right out and be a b***h someday. I wonder if I actally would have the nerve.
 Yumi_Princess · Mon Jan 17, 2005 @ 09:00pm · 0 Comments |
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Can You BE Immune To A Person? |
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I was jsut wondering if you actually could be...........it seems wrong, but there is evidence to suport that one person could be immune to another.
Mom is in the hospital again. I wish I still had someone here to help care for me. I know taht I say I'm completely competent, but that's really not true. I need people to care about my emotional health, nad how I feel, nad what's going on. There doesn't seem to be anyone here left like that. The people herer only care long enough to belittle my problems, nad tell me I have absolutely nothing to worry about. And they don't even listen to what I have to say about what the ******** is going on.
I've met three or four people in my whole life how have it worse than I do. I'm only keeping in touch with two at this point, but they always know what the ******** I'm talking about, and never tell me to stop being a baby, and dry it up. Well, ******** everyone who's been ignoring me. And ******** everyone who pretends to care, only so they can benefit later on when I have something to give.
So Mom's in the hospital, nad they don't know what is wrong with her. I have to stay here, and there's no food. They finally stopped bitching an hour or two ago. That's good...but I still don't want to be here. And I still have a hunger headache.
If Mom's in the hospital into the week, I'm going to see if Cynthia will take me in for a few days. It would cut down on my stress level, and I'd be able to sleep more, seeign as how I usually wake up at 4:30 in the morning. To tell the truth, I want to go.
Yumi_Princess · Sat Nov 20, 2004 @ 02:52am · 0 Comments |
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I'm a d**k...I'm addicted to you |
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Love, can you hear me, if you're near me? Soon it won't be just pretend, soon a happy ending. Soon, after the rain goes, there are rainbows, I'll find a rainbow soon.
You will be my wings, you will be my only love, you will take me far beyond the stars. You will be my wings, all that we've been dreaming of will soon be ours. Anythings your heart desires, anything at all, everyday you'll take me higher, and you'll never let me fall.
So yeah...that it from one of my favorite animated movies, "Thumbelina". I gues I'm just in the mood to sing, and talk about stuff that reminds me of him. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. Why won't life let thintgs work out?
You really can have what you want, but that's not to say it won't be ripped out and away from you as soon as you're happy, right Love?
I think I'm bleeding. No, not like that. I said I wouldn't do that again, and one day I might find that I lied, but that day is not this day.
I want to talk to him.....but I don't know if the time is yet right, or if it ever will be. yes, I do know. Someday I'll be able to. Then, everything will be okay, nad he won't hate me any longer, and we can be friends, and care about each other the way people should. People who have shared love, or like, nad were once able to talk. They should still be able to talk.
I'm thinking about leaving this "home". I can't take it here. my schoolwork is failing, nad I can't let that happen. it and my memories are the only thing I have left. And my photos, of course, that help, along with my friends, to remind my that things are real, nad that it did happen. it wasn't just some beautiful, blissful, painful dream.
Yumi_Princess · Fri Nov 19, 2004 @ 12:08am · 0 Comments |
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Where The Ocean Meets The Sky |
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I guess today has been interesting. Like everyday, I looked at the picture inside my locker. It brought back memories of better times. Times that I'll never have again.
I don't know what's going on inside of me. I can't be crazy. Is this what they call love sickness? I wonder if you can die of that. I've heard it. Perhaps I'll experience that, too.
I thought I would never cry again. Lie. I might always cry.....I just can't help it. It's just certain things that make me think of him, and I can't take it. I know his friends at school think I'm crazy, too, but I don't care. It only hurts that he does. Can he not see that we are similar in os many ways? How could he be so blind? Maybe it's because when you close your eyes, it doesn't hurt as bad. I tried.......but that would mean I would have to deny myself the memories of it, one of the only thigns I have left. He can sit in his illusions, and be happy. At least I have real experiences to feed mine with.
The more time passes, the least likely it is that I'll ever be close to him again. Time has always been my friend.............I now I have no friends.
Yumi_Princess · Tue Nov 16, 2004 @ 10:57pm · 0 Comments |
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This is my place to come and be alone. No one I know will come here...I can say whatever I want. I can talk about him all day long here, and no one will complain....because there's no one to complain. Just me. And my place to be utterly alone.
He's suposted to be gone now. Supposted to be gone thursday, but Viki saw him at the mall on sunday. Funny how the littlest things can spark some sort of sick hope, that all though can sustain you for a while, will eventually let you fall, down, down, down.
I thought maybe since he hasn't left, maybe he's not leaving, maybe he'll stay, and even come back to school. Maybe even be my friend again.
But, as I said before, sick hope. I know he probably hates me, and has no interest whatsoever in even seeing me again, much less in being my friend. But my sick hope keeps me going.
I gave him hsi bracelet back, in the most cowardly way: I left it with a note, a note saying things that I needed to say, but not all of them by a long shot. Perhaps I would've done better in person? I most likely would've made a better fool of myself. So I wrote a note. And my question is, did he read it, throw it away, both or neither. And what should I do? I'm not even sure how I'm supposted to feel, or if I even do.
Yumi_Princess · Mon Nov 15, 2004 @ 11:11pm · 0 Comments |
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