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it's really funny how fast life flies by... I've already been through both proms... have a job... my BF graduated and is going to college. I'm a little nervous cuz I'm meeting his whole family this week... the first time. i'm so afraid i'm going to do something stupid. the first time i met his mom i was polite and semi quiet and everything... I have knots in my stomach and it's a week away!!! i can't imagine what i'll be like the rest of the week.... dramallama dramallama dramallama crying crying crying i am totally gonna do something sooo stupid it's not funny.... i dunno why i am nervous but i am.... i love the ring he bought me for prom and the necklace for our anniversery... wow random... i just got to looking at it and it's sooo pretty... anyways... night night...

well i guess I've had an ok week... i got to see aaron... YAY!!!! friday i spent most of the day there and It was great!! I got to cuddle and play yu-gi-oh.... hmmmmm what else..... I got to play FFX!! that was fun too.... but i guess I just liked spending time with my boyfriend..... and today he came to our harvest party and we got to beat up a pinata... sometimes i can be stupid and get him pissed, and I hate that... his coat was on the floor and someone stepped on it... he had ketsup packets in it... heh... he got mad cuz he thought i put it on the floor... oh well... It's all over now... I got to cuddle on the way home and It made every thing worth it.... love you babe ^_^

you know, sometimes it takes a kick in the a** to realize how much you care about something.... I'm listening to "Our song" and it makes me remember why i fell in love... he makes me so happy.... i feel like i can do anything with him by my side...sometimes i do the stupidest things... and it's totally not worth risking my relationship.... *sighs* things are difficult... no one said they'd be easy... but why so hard? i don't think it's that it's so hard, I think it's that I am not trying hard enough... all i ahve to do Is say no... resist temptation... of everything... but my problem is i can't do it alone.... and i don't know who i can trust to help me... it's difficult... it truely is... i wish i was independant but i'm not... adn i wish i could make people believe in me.... I HAVE to stop making excuses.... which is hard.... cuz all i hear from my mom is excuses... (again, another excuse... look at me i'm pathetic!) I'm weak and I need to fix it...I love him with all my heart... sometimes i wonder if he'd be better off with out the pain i cause him.... but he doesn't seem to think it will help, so.... guess i just have to get stronger.... and work harder... I could be hurting the one in my thing that will always be right... and i don't want that... I love him with all my heart....

I don't think you'll ever read this, aaron, But I love you... i want you to know that how much i screw up, you are the one thing that means the most to me.... I mess up a lot, and it's not your fault... i may want to blame you for not giving me attention or what ever, but I'm just weak... and I guess I don't really always realize how lucky I am to have you...I'll try to remember that next time....

ok I'm not doing good... I can't sleep... I'm worried about my relationship and I wnat to fix it!!! I can't stand it! I'm getting harrassed by the girl that beat me up... she called to me and complained to me about something that isn't my fault!!! trying to pin it on me... I cna't sleep which means i can't go to church this morning like i want to.... I need a job and I don't think I'll get one... I hate it! I hate it.... I want to fix things... i want things to go better..... I want sex to stop ruling the way i act around my BF... i don't know what to do.... I'm soooo FRUSTRATED!!! i want to cry!!!! i want to sleep too!....

life is really strange. Just when I think things are going to work out for me, they mess up again.... For those of you who don't know... i was beat up by my former room mate and had to move out of the building and withdraw from school.... well I like being able to see my BF more, but this isn't want i want to happen. I want things to just... fall into place, but I know I'm asking too much. I'm scared.... I don't tell anyone how scared I am.... There is only one thing that is awesome in my life and I feel like that is even getting tainted by me. I know I'm not hopeless like every one thinks, but I also know I can't do it all on my own. I was never taught how... I'm not like everyone else and It hurts me to know that.... I'm diferent... I have so many things always running through my head that it is rediculous. I over analyze things and I think I might be underanalyzing my relationship. i love him dearly, but I think at times we get stuck. there's so much for us to do, yet so little. I wish he couyld understand that I need him to make some of the decisions too.... tell me where we're going to eat.... tell me what games we are going to play.... tell me what movie we are watching.... that's how I will learn about him. I wish he would open up to me in that way. a person can say whatever they want you to think, but the only way you really learn about them Is by their actions.... I guess I'm just sad that i know things could be going better.... today... for a few minutes... i felt perfect... but then something happened to change what we were doing and I became the one making all the decisions.... I wish he could understand how I felt... i wish he knew how mucch i wanted to learn about him.... I wish I could give him the world, but I can't, so I have to learn what I can do to make him happy. he's a puzzle, just like me... some day, I hope he will realize what I'm trying to say.I want to be the one for him... i want to make him happy.... no more getting frustrated.... no more being sad about trivial matters.... but it seems the more I try to learn, I end up frustrating him... and that's not what I want.... I wish i knew what to do.....

ok well i know i'm excited... i'm SO excited i keep saying prom is Friday when it's actually saturday..... wow... well his mom is putting the finishing touches on my dress today!!! YAY!!!! Prom tickets are expensive though...and i HATE to think what pictures will be.... i really hope it turns out good ^_^

ok well i went shopping friday! We got the PERFECT jewellery!!!! I was so happy. Geo helped me a lot! hmmm... all together I spent $50 on jewellery. I think that's pretty good considering it was prom jewellery. anyways, mokm's car is broken for a couple days. oh well.... i don't really have much else to say so so long for now...

wow... prom is just about a week away... i can't wait... Geo's mom is working on my dress. i went to his house so we could work on it today! we got to hang out too... it's weird but my BF is excited about going shopping with me tomorrow. a lot of people think he won't give a lot of feedback but he does! especially with Jewellery. he loves Gems. I swear he should work with Jewelery when he gets older. any ways my shoes are in and i have to get them and some jewellery tomorrow....

lol any ways we were cuddling today and we came up with some things... a list to be spacific... here it is...

15 things that make my BF as good if not better than a dog...

1) He licks my face
2) He makes puppy faces
3) he burries bone...ers
4) He chases pussies (well one to be exact)
5) He plays fetch (Fetch the purse, fetch the coat)
6) HE has a tail... er.... kinda
7) He likes his head scratched
cool he likes getting petted
9) He wears a leash and coller
10) He follows my every order
11) he has a long Tongue
12) He's easily excited
13) He bites (not hard)
14) he has a cute nose
15) he likes his ears played with (he even does tricks ^_^)

lol yeah we're pathetic.... i love him.... i'm tired... i have a week to get through before prom... it's gonna seem weird not having vacation after this week... it's so warm out it feels like summer vacation... i wish it was... but he's going away for part of the summer so i'm gonna miss him. so I Guess the longer i get to wait for that to happen the better off i am...

wow... i ahven't posted in a few months... well a lot has been going on.... my best friend's dad is in iraq right now..... he ahd to miss her 16th birthday... the party wasn't the same with out him... i have been to like... 4 of their parties now and it just wasn't the same.... ne ways......

PROM IS IN 3 WEEKS!!!!! I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited! and so's Geo (my BF) it's kool to see a guy excited about prom especially when it's YOUR guy! we're going shoe shopping today... after my dentist appt. he wants me to have a good necklace too... i think he wants this to be almost perfect for me.... he's so sweet like that.... i love him so much..... He always wants me to be the happiest person ever. he hates to see me sad..... i'm so happy to have him ^_^