Hi guys.
You may have noticed that it's been quite a while since I last made an appearance 'round these parts; the more astute (and probably disgruntled) of you may have noticed that such appearances have been spotty for rather longer. Some of you were probably counting on me to color things, or respond to things, or otherwise well-represent myself, and I haven't been doing that. I'm sorry. The reason I'm posting this now at the end of the summer rather than the beginning is that I've been feeling too guilty about that to brave logging in.
At any rate. I'm assuming that if you've gotten this far, you actually do remember me and are at least vaguely curious about what I've been up to during all this time! So I'm writing to explain that, and to also explain why I'm going to have to put my Gaia life on hiatus until further notice.
This has been far from an easy decision - er, another reason why I've been putting it off. I like you guys rather lots (and those of you strangepeople who may have got here by accident, I'm sure I would like you lots too!). I miss my characters, I miss hanging out, I miss coloring. I'm going to try to sort out any loose ends and go out with a bang - or possibly a small pop - before I leave for school in two weeks, but after that... I can't keep making promises to stick around that I don't know if I'll be able to keep. It's not fair to you guys, and it stresses me the hell out.
Firstly, what has been occurrin' up til now. It wasn't bad things, or mainly not bad things; it was just... being busy and lacking time-management skills. Last semester, for instance, I found myself taking a class that 1) I had to teach myself an entirely new programming language for, and 2) involved weekly projects that took upwards of ten hours to actually finish. On top of that, I joined the rugby team, which meant four hours of practice a week plus most of my Saturdays for games, and I had work, and time-eating rehearsals for various theatre things.
So I've been busy, yes, but not insanely so. That's why all this year I've been holding out hope, in essence, that I will magically pick up responsible scheduling skills and have room in my life for Gaia again. But even if I were to do so, this semester promises to be more serious on several fronts. I'm taking the proofs class that makes Math majors drop like flies. I'm taking another godawful computer science course. I'm taking classes in acting and playwriting, which I hope will be terribly fun but I'm not very experienced in either area. I've got choir and voice lessons and therefore practice time. I also need to work the maximum number of hours I have time for, because of this dreadful beastie known as the studentloanmonster.
And on top of all this, I've caught a case of Being Annoyingly Ambitious. I want to join various performance groups. I want to get involved with the bluegrass scene, which means I need to continue teaching myself to play the banjo. I want to volunteer with kids. I want to run lights for a show, and stage manage another - if I'm very very lucky I'll be doing more acting as well - and these especially are huge time commitments.
These are all exciting things, even though I will probably have dark days of stress and no free time ahead of me. But the cherry on top was this: I just found out a few days ago that I no longer have a roommate this year, and to be honest, I'm having a small personal crisis at the moment. I don't consider myself to be all that brave, and suddenly I have to be brave and supportive for my roommate. I'm also now either going to lose my room and get moved in with a total stranger, or have a total stranger move in with me, without my school actually caring whether we're compatible. And then there's the fact that I don't make close friends easily, and she was one of just a handful I have on campus - and at the same time I promised not to discuss the details of why she's leaving with anyone so I have no one I can really talk to about all this.
So. Instead of being excited about all the new things I'm planning this year, right now I'm mainly just scared. But I can't bury myself in Gaia as a refuge, because I have to go out there and do some social networking now. Letting myself spend lots of time alone on the computer will just make it so much harder for me to cope with real life. ._.
That's about all I have to say, I guess.
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