front side of shirt "worlds greatest dad" back side of shirt "i ******** your mum"
If i had to choose between the escelator or the elevator, i would choose the elevator, because the last time i rode the escelator and i tripped and fell for an hour and a half
110 things to do in an elevator:
http://www.area51newmexico.com/lifts.php
stop drop and roll, it doesnt work in hell
i want to die silently like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like
his passengers
some village in texas lost its idiot
if con is the opposite of pro, what is the opposite of congress?
its only funny until someone gets hurt, then its halarious
i put the laughter in slaughter
what happens when u scare ur slef half to death twice?
bumper stickers:
keep honking, im reloading
jesus may love you......but everyone else thinks ur an a*****e
watch out for the idot behind me
my dog can eat your honor student
i said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
Dont piss me off- I am running out of places to hide the bodies
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Reality is for people with no imagination
Ham and eggs - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else
you never really learn to cuss until you learn to drive
finally 21, legally ready to do everything i've been doing since i was 15
words of wisdom: if you succseed at 1st, try not to look astonished
I love parties, but i dont like pinatas because they promote vilance to flamboyant animals. its like, hey, theres a donkey with pizzaz......lets go kicks its a**
A drunk driver is dangerous, but so is a drunk backseat driver..... drunk: "dude, take a left" driver:".....but thoose are trees" drunk: " trust me twisted "
I like fruit baskets because when every u send someone apples in the mail they're like "wtf??" but when u put it in a basket they're like "this is niiiice!!!"
I like frizbees, they are the only thing you can throw at a complete stranger, and its ok!!
a middle aged man straps him self a tree during a catagory 5 hurricane to prove he's in purfect shape to with stand it, but its not that the wind is blowing, its what its blowing
the words "sort of" is just like a filler, it really means nothing, but after some things "sort of" means everthing, like after : your going to live, or i love you, or even worse: congradulations, its a boy!!!
I want to make a jig saw puzzle that is 40 thousand peices, and when you finish it, it saws "GO OUTSIDE!"
To me, swimmings a tricky sport, am i having fun or about to die? so i usually tell by the outfit, so like: bathing suit, thats good, pants and shirt, uh oh, naked..... we'll see, should i be swimming faster or am i getting layed
i think "employee of the month" is a good example of when u can be a loser and a winner at the same time
I bought a dictionary. 1st thing i did was look up the word dictionary, it said "your an a*****e"
I love statues, it shows wat great people would look like if birds s**t all over them.
If your a battery, your either working, or your dead, its a s**t life
tv isnt real life, the people actually haf to leave the coffee shop to go to work
everything is funnier with the word "********" in it
Things wrong with santa:
1 santa is an anagram for satan!!!!!!!! thats just freaky!
2 would u like satan crawling down ur chimney during the middle of the night?
3 that fat b*****d called me a ho 3 times!!!
4 he kissed your mom!
yes im am still working on it, COMMENT DAMNIT!
