Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Meh.

The Valentine, thanks. I don't talk to you as much as I should, but I'm so glad that I have you as a friend.
Your posts encourage me.

Horrible, horrible lonely feeling right now.

Oooooooooook.

So. I can't spend any quality time with my family without it being a complete disaster. Why? Because we all hate eachother. And we're all judgemental of eachother, some more so than others.

What do I mean by that? Well. Let me share....

This morning started off with my mother coming in to wake me up. And not in a normal way either. She came in, called me a lazy good for nothing, called me worthless, and told me that I'll never get anywhere in life.

The, later, my mom, sister and I go to see a movie. Spanglish. Which by the way, is stupid, if you read this, don't go see it.

Anyhow. After the movie I asked if we could go to starbucks. I was thristy, had a headache, and wanted some coffee.

So, I asked. And my mother says, "are you going to buy your sister some?" I say, "no. She does nothing for me, and so I'll return the favor." Well, that pissed off my mother. Why? Because apparently I'm supposed to cater to my sister and do ******** everything for her. Give her my money, my time, etc. And then my sister procedes to tell me how horrible I am, and how much I hate her. She called me a bad sister. Why? I don't know. It's not justified. I'm her only friend, I compliment her, I encourage her, I listen to her problems, I try to help, I clean up her messes, I take the blame for everything she does. And still I'm a bad sister. I just plain don't get it.

Is everyone but me going insane?

And then, my mother tells me I'm going to hell, that I'm evil, etc. Why? Because I haven't been baptized yet. BULL s**t. I'll do it when I'm good and ready. I don't have to prove anything to anyone.

"All the world is watching/all the world
does care
Even when the world ways on my shoulder
now/ these feelings I can bear

Because I know, that You're here
everywhere I go I know You're not far
away/ You're right
here, You're right here

All these thoughts I've wasted/all these
thoughts I've feared
Even when these thoughts are faded/ I still
know that You hear
so I can rest my hope in You

Everywhere I go I know You're not far
away/ You're right here, You're right here

The many times that I have felt alone/the
many times that I have felt the world was
crashing down upon me/You always stood
here by my side You were always there

Everywhere I go I know You're not far
away. You're right here, You're right here"

Hmm... I love Jeremy Camp. An inspirational kind of guy.

Bloody wireless went AWOL. AGAIN.
Now I have nothing to do but watch movies and listen to music.

At least I can be on dad's computer for a little bit. Though mom would freak if she knew what I was doing.

Because I'm only running on 3 hours of sleep, and have a final this morning, I choose to listen to Five Iron Frenzy.

So. Damn. Cool.

Sometimes I do things, or say things that upset other people. Bad habit I have I guess, and most of the times I don't even realize it.

It upsets me, because when I apologize, I don't know if they want to forgive me or not. I wish people could just forgive and forget, but I'm not lucky enough to live in a world that works that way I guess.

So, I'm sorry.

i think it might just be alright
to leave what matters out of sight
old habits die hard, holding on
inevitable means it's never gone

told myself what i need to hear
i think the point was very clear
i showed me what we missed since we
slipped into inconsistency

it seems if my ties with you get severed
i can't seem to hold a thing together
i just fall apart
cause that's my trademark

it's my, my trademark move
to turn my back on you
it's my, my trademark move
to realize i should improve
and sometime soon after that
you'll see me come crawling back

i'll kill the thing that turns me away
amputate the arm that will disobey
withdraw from everything that's hurting me
until you finish your work in me

told myself what i need to hear
i think the point was very clear
i showed me what we missed since we
slipped into inconsistency

it seems if my ties with you get severed
i can't seem to hold it all together
i just fall apart
cause that's my trademark

it's my, my trademark move
to turn my back on you
it's my, my trademark move
to realize i should improve
and sometime soon after that
you'll see me come crawling back

it's my, my trademark move
to turn my back on you
it's my, my trademark move
to turn my back on you
it's my, my trademark move
to turn my back on you
it's my, my trademark move
to realize i should improve
and sometime soon after that
you'll see me come crawling back