Thought I'd try this out.
For all who really give a damn to read this...
I'm tempted to just leave gaia altogether.
I wouldn't be surprised if the entire world hated me right now, but that's fine. It's not my problem because people allow themselves to be anger about certain situations instead of looking upon it for future reference to learn from. They'd rather go on hating me and or holding a grudge because I made a change in my life.
Just a few months ago I was undergoing a massive depression. I hated my job, I was starting to hate where I lived, I was getting sick of my roommates fighting with each other, I was thinking of dating new people aside while I was with my boyfriend (in which case usually hints the sign that I needed my own personal space without him in the picture), and I'm not miss perfect either.
Sure, things were going just great for everyone else and I was left to my anti-social behavior and just agreeing with what everyone else agreed upon without any sort of feedback. I usually tried to make everyone laugh by being random. It brought some amount of amusement to keep me going but in the end now that I think about it.... just wasn't what my depression was seeking. I just didn't give a damn anymore. I let everyone else run my life. Something changed in my life and a few family members and online friends helped me to open my eyes. I needed change before I did something really stupid like cut my tongue out or slit my wrist or just jump off a cliff.
I made a hint to promise my friend whom was my roomy (who hates me to death by now and probably wished the plain crashed) to stay until the lease was up at the place we were staying. I didn't know if I was going to last that long. I was losing my patience with everything and everyone at that point. I didn't tell her much of what was going on and I felt a bit guilty about not telling her. I kept changing the plans around and just avoiding her altogether. Not the best thing to do, I know. But I felt like I couldn't talk to her or tell her anything.. I kept being held back. Something told me not to tell her... I suppose I knew what the results what of been otherwise if I did. No better than the events that occured anyway.
Anyway... yeah...
 Vaulidor · Wed May 23, 2007 @ 05:11pm · 0 Comments |
