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I haven't seen/talked to Sergio in two days.
Is it sad that I feel so alone after this short amount of time without him?
God, I love that boy.
And in other news, I've been drawing more lately.
I was high the other night and listening to Infected Mushroom, and I couldnt help myself.
Christ, I imagine weird s**t when I'm sober and listening to them!
Which means it's only 10x cooler when I'm stoned off my a**.
I started to draw mushrooms. Spent three to four hours doing so.
Today I made a banner for Psychotic Prostitute...
I have to do a "final draft" of it though.
I hope they like it.
They BETTER like it!
 C A N N A B L ! S S · Mon Mar 26, 2007 @ 03:50am · 0 Comments |
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When I think I might see him, I get the butterflies. When I hear any romantic song, I think of him. And then get the butterflies. Whenever I think of anything that reminds me of him I get the butterflies. I dont even need something to remind me to think of him. I do no matter what. The way he puts his arms on his knees, then rests his head on his arms, and then peeks up and stares me in the eyes makes my knees go weak. The way he talks to me like I'm the only person in the room thats worth his while makes me feel like a princess. The way he holds me against the cold and rubs his hand lightly around my back makes me feel like nothing could ever hurt me again. Ever. The way he runs his fingers all over my face softly and then into my mouth, jokingly, makes every cell in my body smile, because with every bone in my body and every breath I have ever taken, I know that I am in love for the first time. In love with a boy named Sergio.  "Love is a powerful thing. It's giving somebody the power to completely destroy you, but trusting that they never will."
C A N N A B L ! S S · Sun Mar 18, 2007 @ 03:41am · 0 Comments |
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It was Superbowl Sunday that Sergio and Sunshine came over... And now I seriously know Sergio likes me. Yet he keeps his hands off.
He only touches me sweetly. You know, when we watch a movie he puts his arm around me.
We like eachother and we both know it, but we're not going out. Maybe he's waiting for me to ask him? Idk. But if he is that really sucks a** because I dont ask guys out.
Everything I see makes me think of him. Everytime I think of him I get butterflies.
I think I love him and I'm scared.
C A N N A B L ! S S · Sun Mar 11, 2007 @ 02:22am · 0 Comments |
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Worst feeling in the world: Being ignored.
Best feeling in the world: Liking someone for the longest time thinking you had no chance with them, and it turns out that they like you as well.
******** Sergio, man.
He's coming over right now with Jen and Sunshine and Pierre and we're all gonna smoke and my hands are shaking because I'm so ******** excited.
I've had a crush on this kid since I met him.
Hell ******** YES.
And the funny thing is that Seb doesnt like him. Wait till he finds out! -=evil grin=-
biggrin DD
C A N N A B L ! S S · Sun Feb 04, 2007 @ 11:47pm · 0 Comments |
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I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact
That everybody can see these scars
I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you
To just believe this is real
So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here cause you're all that I've got
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored
I am, a little bit insecure, a little unconfident
Cuz you don't understand I do what I can
Sometimes I don't make sense
I am, what you never wanna say, but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out
So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do
You face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here cause you're all that I've got
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored
Hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me like it or not
Right now, hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me like it or not
Right now
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored
I can't feel
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored
Time won't tell
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored
Yeah, it's Linkin Park. Faint is the name of the song. Makes me think of Peejay.
I hate him with a passion but I can't help but want him.
The other day I was walking to lunch. I thought I heard someone call my name, so I turned. Halfway. Why only halfway? Peejay was right next to me. Did that stop him? No. He kept walking, eyes straight foward, pretending he never saw me.
Even though his arm hit mine.
I ******** hate him.
It makes me feel like I'm an insignificant little cockroach that only gets in his way.
The worst feeling in the world is being completely ignored.
C A N N A B L ! S S · Wed Dec 13, 2006 @ 11:52pm · 1 Comments |
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The rules are simple.
1) One comment for either a friend or foe
2) Say a comment to 5 people only.
3) Don't reveal who they are.
4) Don't repost what someone else types.
1) I thought you were my friend. Well, kind of more than that. Remember that time at the mall, the second time we had ever seen one another? I fell for you, boy. And I fell hard. You acted like you fell for me. But the day after we kissed, you tried to act as if nothing had happened, although everybody saw it and encouraged us. You gave me your screen name to keep in touch. About a month later, you signed on for the first time. Gave me your number. I called, we talked for about ten minutes. You had to go. Everytime after that when I called you, you were busy and promised to call back. Never did, though. A few more months later you signed on and gave me your new number, told me where you were working. I came by and you ignored me until you were on break, which just happened to be when I was leaving. Never replied to my texts. Some time later, when I started high school, you were there. And you completely ******** ignored me. Every day. I confronted you online (because I'm a coward in real life) and you said "Shaye, I ******** love you. It's just that I'm a Junior, and my current GPA is *insert very low number here*, and I'm just truing to concentrate on my schoolwork because I ******** up in the past. I'm sorry, I don't hate you, and Im sorry it seems like it." And so I believed you. The next day I gave you a hug and asked whats up. You gave me a pitiful excuse for an answer, but I didnt think anything of it. After that you smiled at me in the hallways, but that stopped as well. And you started ignoring me again. I saw you at the bowling alley lately, and you wouldnt even acknowledge my existence. That hurt. When you left I texted you about it. I don't even remember what you said. The next week you gave me those tiny little waves and half-assed smiles, and we texted each other once in a while. But it faded again. And today, you almost walked right into me, but as soon as you saw my face you averted your eyes. My friend saw it too. But you know what, boy? I'm done. It is over. I'm not going to go chasing you anymore. You dont want to talk to me, I don't want to talk to you. You are no longer worth my time.
2) Sweetie, you're my best friend. But now that we go to different schools, we never talk. Sure, we'll send eachother the occasional comment or IM, but thats about it. You understand me completely, and you've always been there for me. I love you, and I miss you terribly.
3) You're stupid. You're throwing your life away. You were once my role model. I wanted to be just like you. You had the world handed to you on a silver platter. You had parents that loved you enough to spend money they didnt have just to keep you out of jail, twice. You're eighteen years old, grow the ******** up. I'm sick of having to be the adult. I've always been the adult.
4) Nobody likes a fake. Espically a fake whore. Nobody likes looking at a person and seeing themselves along with everybody else reflected perfectly, and thats what you are. You're a ******** mirror. You sneak out, skip school, do drugs, and you're only fourteen years old. It's everybody else in you. Don't give in to it anymore. You were the greatest person when I first met you, and now... now I don't know what to think of you.
5) You guys are two of the greatest people I have ever met. Don't let something so puny tear your friendship apart. That would ultimately tear the three of us apart. We all complain. Sometimes more than others. But we complain to each other like we do because we expect eachother to always be there for one another. The trust we all have for eachother is hard to gain... don't throw it away.
C A N N A B L ! S S · Thu Nov 30, 2006 @ 09:14pm · 0 Comments |
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I think it's pretty ******** gay.
I don't mean the part that you're celebrating Jesus's birthday, I think the way we celebrate here in America is gay.
I mean, you put up Christmas lights.What for?
Because they're bright and shiny! And you know how us Americans like our shiny things!
Espically Bush.
Then we go around buying things for one another.
HALLOOOOO. It's Jesus's birthday, not mine. Why am I receiving this gift?
Then there's the mall Clause.
Sure, go ahead. Take your littleboy to sit on some strange fat guy's lap.
That's almost as bad as the mothers that sent their kids to Mr. Jackson's house for the night.
Ugh, Im too tired to rant at the moment.
I'm totally turning this into a full-blown essay, though.
C A N N A B L ! S S · Wed Nov 29, 2006 @ 04:22am · 1 Comments |
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