something in my head clicked. like an on off switch something flicked on. my body starts to move without my command. i didnt tell it to do so. but it does it moves, its being controlled. my hand swings into Connors CDs, they tumble to the ground some breaking some just bouncing around till they fall flat.my body is shaking with fear of myself. i am fearing my self. what am i doing. i grab Connors belongings and heave them in every direction whats wrong with me whats going on this isn't me. i would never hurt any thing or any one. but why am i now. i could see the hurt in Carah's eyes, and i wonder if she can see the fear in mine. i stumble around my body moving fast and clumsily. a cell phone, a water bottle, a book, then black nail polish. one by one they all end up broken or thrown to the ground, and its all my fault. but inside something screams stop but nothing happens. i thought your brain controls your body, mine isn't doing any thing. as if it isn't agreeing with my wish, like its holding me against my will. my own brain is against me? my fear turns to anger. my shaking turns to speed. i can hardly see through my watery eyes. am i crying or is it because my hair is all over my face. am i crying or is it because my head is in pain. am i crying or is it because of the ringing in my ears. or maybe its all of the above. i am a mess. i am tearing the room apart. as i tear myself apart inside. i'm angry, scared and tired of trying. so i dont. whats the use. i cant stop my self. i just hope i dont hurt any one. thats the only thing i can do. hope for all goodness that no one gets hurt. i glance over at Carah's beautiful face. she is crying. i'm sorry. i love you i really do. i'm not lying, i promise one day ill hold you tight, and never let you go. i let the anger take over completely as i feel my self fade away, my real thoughts and feelings disappear.
 zssser · Mon Oct 29, 2007 @ 02:55am · 1 Comments |
]