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Three Explorers Are Captured...
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe. As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.
There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"
The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, a*****e!"
 Psalms_56_10and11 · Tue Jan 16, 2007 @ 09:14pm · 0 Comments |
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i have had a very interesting night
2 day ago, I had just gotten off the bus and was talking to my friend when a bunch of idiots drove up to us in their car, stopped, opened the door, threw pennies at us, and then drove off. well, alyssa and i told our friend katie tonight. later a bunch of high school boys walked past and i said "i wonder if those are the guys that threw the pennies at us?". so katie yelled "hey, did you throw pennies at them?", to which they responded "no, we throw nickels". katie chased them halfway up the street with her plastic spear. after a while they came back this time going the opposite direction. i said
"katie, sit, stay, now go" and she chased them again! alyssa's dad was saying "go katie, sic 'em". then, they were dumb enough to come back about a half hour later. i said "katie, don't turn around." so she did. she chased them a third time. they said "oh no, not her again!" this time they took her plastic spear, so alyssa chased them too. keep in mind that alyssa's wearing heels and an angel costume. they got the spear back, but katie didn’t have a chance to poke my brother with it. darn.
rofl
Psalms_56_10and11 · Wed Nov 01, 2006 @ 02:35am · 0 Comments |
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Rob Lacey's book "the Word on the street" is a paraphrased version of the Bible.
He put the Ten Commandments as:
"The Big Ten:
no.1: i'm your God, your God who liberated you from slave labor in the sweatshops of Egypt. i get total priority. you won't have any other gods taking your attention away from me. i'm it, the only God 1 no other god's worth squat.
no.2: you won't idolize anything else of any shape. nothing that is something, or represents something - you'll waste no time polising them or showing them off to your mates or looking to them for the big answers of life. 'cos i get jealous! and when i'm jealous, i'm ruthless. i punish families even three or four generations after those who hated me have rotted in their graves. but those who live by my rules, i show them incredible love for thousands of generations of their family line"
no.3: you won't use my name lightly, as some sort of magic word, supposed to blackmail me into action. you won't use it as a swear word. if you do, you won't go unpunished. handle my handle with care!
no.4: you'll keep my rest day different, distinct, special. you'll do what the word means - 'stop'. you'll work 6 days, do all you have to do, then the seventh day is my day. you won't work, your family won't work, your staff won't work, your equipment won't work, your guests won't work.'cos i made everything you see in 6 days. then i took a break on the seventh. so will you.
no.5: you'll treat your parents with respect. then you'll live long and prosper in this new land i'm moving you into.
no.6: you won't snuff out a life, stop someones clock, blow anyone away, bump anyone off, dole out the big chill, erase, drop, hit, top, waste anyone
no.7: you won't sleep with someone else's wife or husband, put it about, cheapen yourselves.
no.8: you won't theive, nick, lift, blag, fleece, half-inch, swipe, or get sticky-fingered
no.9: you won't decive, lie, fib, fudge about someone, in or out of the witness box. you won't!
no.10: you won't drool over your mate's wife/husband...depending. you won't drool over their house, garden, staff, equipment, gadgets or anything they have and you don't
Psalms_56_10and11 · Mon Oct 30, 2006 @ 02:15am · 2 Comments |
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