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Entry #39
Wars have never hurt anybody except the people who die. - Dali

History repeats itself. I can feel it and it's ruining me. All these gut feelings, they were right again. Why couldn't you ******** tell me? Why'd you have to wait and just dump it right before it starts? I can't believe it's happening again.. and so soon.




********.
I want to talk about it, but I don't trust anyone that deeply. Then again, I don't want to say anything at all. My secrets remain with me. If I said anything.. I'd lose that. I like keeping who I am private, but it's ******** driving me into bouts of irrational actions. I'm a bad seed.

Life's ********.
I wish I had amnesia. Forget anything that ever happened and how much I've been hurt. It wouldn't matter so much. God, please don't be like my father. You know how I feel about him and how he feels about me. That's why he left, you should know that. My mother's just as much of a deadbeat as he is, but with all her little lies and fake masks. Don't think you can fool me, I've grown up around acts like this. I know when you're giving me bullshit. You know, you are right. Nothing's ever going to take back what you did to me. I think I'm just as sorry as you are for that.

Fuucckk.
Do you even realize this is the same time as last year? That this is when it all started in the first shitty place? I don't know if you know that. Maybe you do, maybe not. You don't have the greatest of memory, I understand. I won't shove it down your throat. I would never think of doing that. I'm just a little.. how could I put it? I don't think there's any way I can. I'm not good with words, you know that. I can't explain what the ******** is going on in my head. It's always just been kept in there. I've never had to explain before. You keep asking me too, but I can never get it to come out right. Why does it matter to you anyway? I've got issues and problems, okay? So do you. I just keep mine locked up, but hey, I guess you do too.

I can't go through this s**t again. I've had enough of everyone. I'm sick of feeling sorry for nothing. Sorry for everyone, for you, and for myself. I want to start somewhere new away from all of this. You can come if you like. I don't know if you really should or not. Maybe something good will come out of life.
Don't do this again, please.






Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.





Entry #38
EUROTRIP. ;o

OKAY, so this is how my little trip went:

- To clear things up I'm just going to say this. Mr. & Mrs. Chan, I refer to them as Auntie Vicky and Uncle Leland and their son is Alan. He's 1 year younger than me. Mr. & Mrs. Go, are Auntie Marge and Uncle Justin. Auntie Marge is actually called Ms. Tom because she never took on the "Go" last name when they got married. Their son is Jeffery and he's 2 years older than me and also went to the same high school, but he graduated this past June. Phil and Nancy are my god-parents. Then my mother and I make up the last 2 of our group of 10. Even though I call them "auntie" or "uncle" none of us are actually related. We all just do that. For example, Jeffery and Alan call my mom "auntie" as well. Same deal with my god-parents. -

Wednesday, July 11 & Thursday, July 12: (The day changed while we were in flight.)
OMFG. I woke up hella early to get ready and s**t. Sooo... my mother is LAGGING. Sorry, I can't think of a better word. Anywho, so she's forgetting things here and there and then after we leave the house, she remembers while driving that she forgot her vitamin pills. We drive all the way back to get them, then we hit morning TRAFFIC on the way to my god-parent's. My god-brother ron drives us to the airport along with my god-father and drops the three of us off (my mother, god-father, and myself). We do the whole waiting in line and s**t you have to do at airports. We meet up with the rest of our group- the Chans and the Gos. So now there's 9 of us out of 10. My god-mother flew to Italy a week or so earlier and is meeting us later in London.

We get onto the plane and guess what happens...
We're stuck there sitting for 1 hour then they make an announcement that something is WRONG WITH THE ENGINE. ******** that s**t, we sit there for ANOTHER hour before they let us off and we switch to another plane. We were originally supposed to leave at 1:00.. we don't until 3:30. Woo. We finally get to London and it's alright and all. Auntie Vicky & Uncle Leland were the ones to make the reservations and we ALL got our rooms right away EXCEPT them. They had to wait 2 hours so Auntie Vicky and Auntie Marge stayed at the hotel.

We took the "tube"/"underground" to somewhere.. I forgot. XD
Then Uncle Leland and Alan went back to the hotel to get Auntie Vicky and Auntie Marge and they went to Kensington Palace, while Uncle Justin, Jeffery, Phil, my mother, and I went to Tower Hill. It took until dinner to see the whole place. Was interesting, we got to se ethe crown jewels there. When we got back to the hotel for dinner my god-mother had just come to the hotel. Jeffery and Alan went up to their rooms and the rest of us went for dinner. that was pretty much it.

Friday, July 13:
OMFG, I woke up with an allergic reaction to something. It was horrible. I had a breakout of rashes or hives or some s**t on my legs and when I scratched them my leg started bleeding hella bad. At least Auntie Vicky always carries things for allergic reactions 'cause Alan is allergic to nuts. We all went on a tour bus to see Winsor Castle, the city of Bath, and Stonehenge. Winsor Castle was pretty big, we didn't have enough time to explore the whole place though. Next was Bath. Yes, Bath. The city is where the Roman's found hot springs in England and they made bath-houses there because they thought the water had healing properties. Then we went to Stonehenge. I liked that the best. It was fawking windy though. There were flocks of sheep on the other side. They were cute and fluffy, heehee. Yeah, so that took most of the day. When we got back to London, we went on the London Eye, which was pretty cool. It's that huge a** ferris wheel type thing that lets you look all over London because it goes so high. It's right by Big Ben & Parliment, so we saw that too. When it got dark, omg, it was beautiful. Especially Big Ben & Parliment all lit up. (:

Saturday, July 14:
Today wasn't much. We packed up all our stuffed and checked out of the hotel. We took the train from the Waterloo Station down to Southampton. Some guy was completely rude to us and another was really nice and helpful since we had so much luggage. After arriving in southampton we took a taxi to the Mayflower Dock where our cruise ship, The Sea Princess, was. It's the same dock where the ship The Mayflower left to come to America. After that we pretty much just went through al lthe precautions and security and luggage checking and then got onboard the ship. It was a bit funny 'cause the underaged in our group.. our rooms were located RIGHT next to the ship's CASINO. You had to walk through the casino to reach our staterooms. The second stateroom from the casino was mine and the third was where Jeffery and Alan were. Everyone else was on a different deck.

Sunday, July 15, Amsterdam, Holland:
We got to sleep in, yay, the ship didn't dock until noon. We wandered aroudn a bit lost, haha, you could tell we were tourists. We finally made our way to the Van Gogh Museum. It was pretty big and nice and everything, but Vincent Van Gogh is really the kind of art I like. After the musuem our group split up again. My god-parents and Auntie Marge & Uncle Justin all went back to the ship and the rest of us went on a canal cruise. It was so peaceful and quaint and really nice. It took an hour to sail down the canal on the little tour and we saw quite a lot. After the canal cruise was over, Uncle Leland and Alan went back to the ship and Auntie Vicky, Jeffery, my mom, and me all went shopping. OMG, I have never seen SO MANY breasts and penises in souvenir shops. It was.. hilarious to me. All these cartoon x-rated knick-knacks. All because of the "Red Light District" in Amsterdam. We never went or saw the Red Light District, but it's ironic because it's right next to a CHURCH. I bought a little Amsterdam thong. ;D

Monday, July 16, Sea day:
So today was our first day at sea andour first formal night on The Sea Princess. I slept in then went up to the gym and just pretty much worked out until 4 then went back to my stateroom and took a shower and got ready for formal night. We only took table pictures 'cause our second formal night was supposed to be the more important one- the lobster dinner night. I basically just went back to the room after dinner and watched the movie "Hostage".

Tuesday, July 17, Oslo, Norway:



OMFG.. this is so much to type. I'll finish later. XDD

CHECK BACK FOR UPDATES & EDITS.





 
 
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