With in the mind, is a maze. A maze that twists and turns, confuses and demeans all those who stand before it so much, that its a defense, a shield. Even ones self have trouble facing what their own conscious has created.
Fear, distraught, confusion, secrets. We hide everything with in or behind this maze, to hide them from public eyes. In seeing something or hearing something that hurts us, we immediately hide and disconnect ourselves. Sometimes we put ourselves out there in order to better protect ourselves, fearful of our feelings or emotions breaking. In one way or another, all do it, and all fall with in the routine.
Yet in the same sequence, we fight it and try to be less with in our maze. Walking out of our comfort zone to deny our fears control, stop our minds from corroding, and our souls from wanning. Despite our nature to hide the things that hurt us the most, we desire to let them be seen. Attention is our greatest hunger, whether or not we notice it or not. Maybe not from many, but attention from one or two other souls out there, is what every life wants, what each life needs.
A person can claim that they don't need others. Indeed, a person can live on their own, with out another soul to give them attention, or love them, care for them. Even another soul to hate them. Yet, what good is life if there is nothing or no one to make you smile?
In trying to point out another persons personality, or speaking of another person, in some sense, you try to gain that persons or other persons attention. Like teasing the girl or boy you like when you were younger. Trying to gain their attention, to get them to look at you in any way or form. Whether hated or liked, they looked at you, and they spoke to you, that was enough for you. No matter how you wished they would like you back, most of the time, it was unlikely. But with that small chance of it so happening that they began to like you back, you continued. Enjoying what little attention you gained from this crush of yours.
Hope is a thing that is keeping us alive. We hope for everything. Hoping to be successful. Hoping that people will survive, that they will look at you, that you will have your moment of precious memories. In hoping that everything goes well, that this or that will happen. That you will finally get to meet the friend you have had for so long. We find that hoping keeps us alive, wishing, seeing something. Much of the time, the hope is broken, and is lost. We find that we hoped for nothing, yet we keep hoping until the day we die, because if we don't, we have nothing.
To not hope, is to lose the light that you want to see. To keep hoping, is to see a new light with each thing that comes to you. To make the best of everything, is hoping. Hope, is what brings you to a beautiful day, despite losing an important loved one the day before. Corny with in all else, hope is sometimes our own demise.
Attention is the hope we dream of, and hope is the attention we create with each passing day. In the end, all humans are attention whores. Thinking being in trouble will gain us attention, yet, it is with out a doubt, a bad way to live ones life. To be surrounded and trying to get attention by using the bad happenings of life. Yet all have done it once...or most all have done it once.
Life is funny. People are funny. There are only the ways of creating your own thoughts, your own processes. Ones words can mimic or be much like your own, but you can not base your own opinions upon theres. Others opinions mix with yours, and there for you begin to think, to create your own. Opinions. Thoughts. Thoughts are what are your own. To look at something and create the thought that becomes an opinion....
What is your opinion? About a leaf, about attention. To think about one thing, you create a new topic with in your mind, and there for, everything keeps going until it comes back around itself, and you hit a dead end. There, a new pathway is created, trying to find away through the maze, trying to understand everything. All your secrets, disease, fears and opinions. Until you get to the other end of the maze. In all hopes, you finish before, or on the day of your death, before you pass on to where ever it is your soul may go. But whether you find your way or not, is merely upon your own. Will it make you happy to get there? Or is it that the process of getting there becomes you, becomes the fun that is life, the laughter, the crying the love, hate, despise, horror, and excitement.
Where are you in your maze? Or is it a maze at all?
· Wed May 04, 2011 @ 07:12am · 0 Comments
I've noticed recently, that usually people are smart enough to get the point, when I out right tell them something I've been noticing for a while. Its either that, or they at least try to understand. Sometimes I am very harsh with people, and I don't notice it. I'm blunt and overbearing. I have a tendency to be mean and cruel. But, don't mistake it for me being a horrible person who doesn't care or notice that I hurt people. I try not to go over board, but things I say tend to be on reflex. Yeah...sadly, I do enjoy hurting my friends, but I never EVER hit someone in the face, thats just demeaning.
However, when it comes to words, I am usually pretty straight forward. If its something I believe you should know, I will tell you straight out, usually. Depending on what it is. There is one person I find the most trouble with lately. Or rather, not lately, for quite a while now. I've known him for almost and entire year. My...well I don't know If I can call him a friend, he tends to brush me off to the side unless he wants something of which I can not give him. But...Antonio has intelligence that belittles others.
Including his own. Its is a moment of personality that I have come to accept, because it is his and only his. This is the basis of everything with me. Sure as hell, he's an interesting guy, like every other human on earth. He says i'm a conundrum...which I don't understand. I say what I feel like saying, I say what I believe to be true, and thats pretty much it. Sure, in some cases, I look at things differently then others, and I don't hate anyone.
The point is though, its hard to get something threw to him. I tell him something very bluntly, and its almost like it just goes right over him, around him. Never touching him. Maybe listening to someone is no longer the issue with him. But sooner or later, he will do what I told him to do, but with our realizing I told him in the first place. It takes him forever to realize things, but quick too. Its almost like he is incapable of taking others advice because he can not accept that end. He needs to think of it on his own and therefore come to the conclusion. Its funny really. When I realize this myself, I wish he had come to that conclusion earlier, or heed my words. But obviously, that does not happen.
Maybe this is with in the normal set mind of a human. Advice through words rarely is able to help. Easier said then done. One must realize it with in their own mind before they can put it in action. Its easy to say "Don't hate, its a waste of your energy, and there is little point in hating someone." But it tends to be hard for most people to do this. Its easy for me. Its very very hard for me to hate someone, oddly enough, I don't hate anyone, let alone anything. I might dislike something or the way someone does something, but never do I hate anything. At least, not that I have come across exactly that I know of. Then again, maybe I just say that to feel superior. haha.
Antonio is a human being, and its the one thing he tends to forget. Whether or not his personality is as he says it is, he is a human. That is why he is how he is, because he's human. With in forgetting that, he becomes something he is not, as well as what he is. Then again, what do I know? I only know what he has shown me over the computer...the him that is in person is himself. Don't get me wrong, I become interested in people because they are themselves. Is it weird of me? Its like an art in itself.
I could go on to explain my bestfriend Natalie as well. The woman who so many misunderstand because all they see is the outside, rather then the inside. I could go on to explain my boyfriend Villy, the man who opens up to me, yet stays still closed. Even more so, I could try and explain my sisters, my brother, my mom, or Johnny. Maybe to try and explain the water in the river, or the leaves that fall. Quite frankly, these are the only things that truly interest me. I have noticed that through out my life. Nature, how things work. People, humans in general. Life...life in all its glory and in all its chaos...thats what interests me. I become drawn to mechanics because I enjoy helping others, fixing what I see as broken or miscalculated. I enjoy learning new things that others don't exactly see as new. Staring at a pencil may not seem interesting to others, but in thinking over everything about it, it can become interesting. In exploring my own mind, I become interested. I dislike thinking, but I love thinking so much more that its scary sometimes. Everything I enjoy to do, I dislike to do. I love to take things apart and examine them, to fix things, to try and feel smart or wise, but all the same I dislike it. Why? I do not know why....its why I create my art I would suppose.
I love and adore my art, as much as I dislike it. I feel that something needs to be fixed. Yet...nothing can be perfect, and in that exact fact, I understand where the endings to my work are. Perfection is what you believe it to be. In knowing there is no perfection, in seeing the faults as being something good, you can see that even if its not perfect, its perfect. As being said, I am perfect the way I am, as you and everyone else are as well. We grow up, and change as we grow older, and yet we are the same individual person. In the end, nothing changes, but everything changes. .
The people I care about the most, are the ones I fear understanding. I know I understand little, compared to what is out there, there is very little that I understand. Sometimes it is more fearful in explaing those you care about, Villy or Natalie, mom or siblings, because...you fear finding out what you don't know, rather then what you do. What you have forgotten, or what you have mistaken. How little you truly know about the people you realy care about. Funny isn't it? When in fact, we should be using that in order to learn more about them...but sometimes knowing more, can cause more problems. Needing to ask and learning is of little consequence. Being around them and learning...that is to be known. You see more of a person being around them, then you do asking. Then again...that can be a double edged sword.
In the process, I now wonder why the point of writing this was. I was just itching to write, and wanting to do something with my hands, that I just had to write something so pointless haha. Oh well. I enjoyed it any way.
· Sat Apr 16, 2011 @ 06:35am · 0 Comments
The Spider Killer!
The Spider Killer
Lives to destroy all kinds
A hammer to the black
With a stare they fear
The Spider Killer
He stalks the darkened corners
Feeling for the eight legged
With a hammer he kills
Can you see
The Spider Killer
Can you hear
The Spider Killer
The Spider Killer
Comes to the rescue of your scream
Denies the spiders their lives
And takes a leg for a prize
The Spider Killer
oooh The spider Killer....
He will take away the pain
Stop the fangs from the stain
Can you see
The Spider Killer
Can you hear
The Spider Killer
His footsteps silent
A light in the darkened fears
With a hammer he crushes
His hunger for death adorned
Creeping up behind them
Beedy eyes blazing with fear
He takes his hammer
And flattens their rears
Can you see
The Spider Killer
Can you hear
The Spider Killer
No webbings can stop him
No bite can poison
He is unstoppable
He is a demon
OOHHH The Spider Killer
The Spider killer
He's all the spiders fear
With his spider blood stained hammer
· Sat Aug 21, 2010 @ 07:00am · 1 Comments
The worlds song
Dances in hearts
Becomes a life story
The grass's dance
Wears the wind
Eyes the sky
The waters anger
The fires hunger
Light within Shadows
Is life's terror yet warmth
The winds sorrow
Blows away the past
Brings light to the future.
The earths love
Holds all life
The Lights hope
Is the good in all
Bores love into the heart of many
The Darkness' desire
Creates the chaos with in
Eats the warmth to fill its emptiness
· Fri Aug 06, 2010 @ 11:45am · 0 Comments
My Idea Character ^^
Name: Elvaria Velsix Minroe
Age: 19 (human) 150 (phoenix)
Birthday: June 7
Powers: Light and Mirrorality (ability to control reflective objects. Ex: Water, metal, eyes, swords, mirrors, cans, ext)
Personality: Elvaria is a kind, caring person. Life is very important to her, even if its a life of a stranger, or her enemy. Living for 150 years, she has found herself with many views on life. Despite all that, she does have a very large adventerous side. She is very curious and gets into all sorts of trouble. If she can help someone, she is likely to do so, unless it consists of taking another's life. She does get angry, but not very often. Almost anything piques her interest, and she will likely stare at it in hopes of finding something deeper. She thinks a lot and can sometimes talk a lot, whether confusingly or not.
~Anything that she finds interesting
~People who are stuck in the past
~Those who don't care about life
~Those who take lives
Elvaria was born 150 years ago from the ashes of the phoenix before her. When she was born, she was just a little chic of a phoenix, a small white puffball of feathers that were red tipped. Most people thought she was just some dust bunny, and there for she didn't get eaten or stepped on. By the time she was of the age of 3, she had grown to the size of a tiger. Her feathers a pure and radiant white, longer and the tips were still a fiery red. Still a little puffier then normal, she grew larger by the day. As years passed, she flew over the skys, high enough to look like a normal bird. As time went by she saw many deaths, she saw the hatred humans held in their hearts, but she also saw the love they held. She met other creatures, of the day, of the night. Humans were the ones that were the oddest of them all. They knew of good and bad, but they were both good and bad in more ways then one. They fought over stupid things just like other creatures, but they had something that others didn't. Then again, Elvaria wasn't sure. Each creature was special in their own way, but it was amazing how Humans didn't see the beauty in their own creation.
Elvaria was a phoenix, a creature of life, the embodiment of light, life and yet also destruction. A majestic beast that could heal the wounds of many. Nothing she stepped upon was crushed, no matter how large she became. Soon she was taller then the trees, but was able to blend in as her feathers became white and transparent at the bottom. They would blend with her surroundings, but shine brightly in the sun. She stole the light from the area and then the light therefore radiated from her feathers as well. Her eyes were large, golden, fitting for a beast that watched life move. It wasn't until she turned around 131 years of age, that with in all sudden knowledge, she remembered from her ancestors memories on how to shape shift to a human appearance. This appearance would keep her safe as times became ever more dangerous to be seen in. Sadly, because her human form had yet to grow, it was set in to a human baby form which she couldn't shape shift out of.
Not knowing where to go, Elvaria wandered, amazingly hungry and unable to feed off of the dew that was what she usually ate. Being a human came with great problem. It wasn't until a few days after this that she was found in the forest by an old man who immediately took her home. He adopted her into his family and was amazed to find, that by seven months, Elvaria already spoke fluently, like a grown woman. Her eyes were golden with thin red lines coming from the pupils. Sometimes the old man swore they were spinning like black holes. When Elvaria was 2 she was walking, talking, and doing anything a normal grown woman would do. Or rather, a teenager. Elvaria wasn't this young, her body grew quickly even in Human form. By the time she was 4, the old man showed her to his younger son who had become a renowned martial artists and swords men. The old man handed Elvaria over to him and she moved in with the man named Remore.
Remore taught her basic foot things first, but by the time she was 7 she was already wielding a sword and helping Remore teach in his dojo. Remore was a righteous man, but he had a temper, and to keep from hurting others, Elvaria was his scape goat. He often beat her for senseless things. Sparing with Remore was a pain fiasco, but in the long run, it helped her understand more things. At the age of 13, Remore shoved her off into a closet as a few men with swords came into the room. They all had grotesque faces and showed displeasure. Remore ended up fighting with them, it was the first time in many years Elvaria got to see such swordsmanship displayed in true battle of life and death. Sadly, Remore was against 10 people, and with in seconds, his head was sliced off. She remembered his eyes looking at her and a small smile form on his bodyless head. It was the first bond she had, and she could feel tears rolling down her face. The men insidentally heard her and pulled her out of the closet.
For the next two years, she was made to be a slave for their group. That is until they finally brought her on one of their missions to a family of six. They owned the group money, and Elvaria, as soon as she saw their faces, knew what was going to happen. Before the men could do anything Elvaria's power of light over bared her and the men disappeared in seconds. The family was speechless and Elvaria was a bit scared. Finally knowing she had to do something, Elvaria went back to the place in which the group was at, but found them all slaughtered. Some had their skin peeled from head to toe, others eyes were dangling from their eye sockets. It was terrifying, but nothing she hadn't seen before. From there Elvaria was alone and traveled around. Now she is 19 and still learning of things that had been utterly missed. Elvaria never stuck to the past, she always moved forward. People found her to be rather odd, as she rarely cried for peoples deaths, but rather said a prayer and smiled to send them off. Most people sometimes found her heartless at that fact and some people hated her. But it didn't matter to Elvaria...as long as people lived, it was fine. The power of mirrorality awoke during her travels, and she got the first taste of taking a life. Its something she never wants to happen again.
Appearance: Elvaria is a tall, skinny woman with long white hair with tips that change colors and partly transparent. With golden, black hole like eyes, her skin is a creamy pale color. Her nose is not to small but not to large, and fits perfectly upon her with her big lips that are a rosy red. With B sized breasts, her hips are well developed. Large ribs, but good curves come out of it.
5'8". 135 pounds.
· Fri Jul 23, 2010 @ 03:48am · 0 Comments
The Worlds Last Cheese!
"So...Bill...Where is it?" A man stated, his voice low, but demanding as he looked around the corner of the darkened ally way. His eyes were of a dark blue, and his face structure was sharp, handsome. With long black hair, and white streaks every now in then, he looked back to the other man beside him. This was Bill, bill was a stumpy man, a dwarf. He had a large gut and always wobbled to where ever he went. He had piercing green eyes with shaggy red hair.
"Wheres what? Hey James..." Bill spoke, looking back to the man who had just asked a question. James seemed jumpy, and shot a glare back at Bill.
"The cheese Bill...Wheres the goddamn cheese?! For Chris sake Bill...don't tell me you lost it!" James said, his voice loud with anger as he peaked around the corner again. "Dammit Bill...run you stupid dwarf!" James growled, kicking Bill forward as he ran down the ally way. "Where's the damn cheese!?"
"If it was the cheese you was talkin about, why didn't ya just say so. Its right here." Bill grinned, running behind him as he pulled a large thing of cheese out of his bag. "Don't go jumping out of yer skin now James. The cheese is fine...got to find a nice oll place to eat it. Or somethin..." He said, looking hungrily at the cheese.
James skidded to a stop, swirled around, tripping in the process and scuffling across the floor before he gained his balance again. "Don't talk like that Bill. You know well enough this is the last cheese. Not just in Cheese ville, but the whole world. Remember what happened to the cows Bill! The whole worlds on our a**. We can't let them get the cheese you hear...this is my damn cheese!" James stated, the sound of multiple foot steps all around them. "Oh come on Bill..why do ya got to be so damn slow?!" James growled.
"Calm down James...we will get to have your cheese soon. Sorry bout the cows...didn't mean to...well ya know..." He paused, wobbling forward as fast as he could, his gut jiggling along with him. "It ain't my fault the cows utters were blown up! They just went capooy for some god knows reason...just bam!...ya had ta be there James. It was quite the show. It spread like a virus...and BOOM! They were all done, milk iffied...no more milk for us im fraid." He stated, his speech a bit off.
James groaned in annoyance as he took a left turn into an abandoned building. "Shut up Bill! You talk to much! They're gainin on us. " He yelled, stopping for a breath of air as he came across a small, odd, fork in the wall. The building was old, bumpy and broken. It had the smell of death and decay. "Ah, damn it...we ran right into a crematory Bill..." James said with disgust, holding his nose as he ran to the right and looked behind him.
Bill wobbled like usual, trying to keep up with James, who was obviously annoyed by now. Bill grumbled to himself, breathing heavily as he suddenly tripped, falling face first into the dirt. His grip on the cheese loosened and it flew out of his hand. James watched it, wide eyed and everything went slow motion. "NOOOO THE CHEESE! BILL THE CHEESE!" He yelled, running towards the cheese as it went towards the oven which burned bodies. "nooooooooo!! The cheese!" He said, slow mo for affect as he jumped for it.
As his feet lifted off the floor, he dove, his arms flailing in front of him, swimming through the air towards the cheese. His eyes wide, popping out of their sockets as he got closer, closer. He could smell it. It was melting. Waving his arms, he got closer, and snapped his right hand to it, grabbing it right before it fell into the flames. "AHHH! My hand my hand! The cheese!" James said, ecstatic as his body immediately fell onto the floor, knocking the breath out of him.
Bill scurried to his feet and rushed to James side. "James...James are you alright? I sure am sorry James, I wasn't expectin it ta slip from my hands. James...you alright?" Bill asked, grabbing dramatically to James hand. James coughed, looking to the ceiling, coughing again as he picked the cheese up, his arms shaky and handed it to Bill. "James, come on, you will get through this. Yer a strong guy, come on Bill..don't do this ta me." Bill said, tears verging on his eyes.
"B-Bill...leave with out me. S-Save y-your self and the cheese. Before they get here...hurry." James said dramatically, his hand which handed the cheese to Bill, falling to the floor and his eyes closing. His breath left him, long and paused. Then, it stopped. Bill cried into Jame's hand and held onto the Cheese.
"Alright Jame's. I'ill grant yer last wish. I'ill eat this cheese for the both of us! Farewell my friend." Bill stated, putting his fist in the air for affect. With that, Bill stood up and started running away, before a rock hit him the head.
"Dammit Bill, don't ya learn anything from movies. Don't just leave me here ya dumb bell!" James yelled, starting to stand up.
"But James, you just told me to...I was just followin yer orders." Bill stated rubbing the back of his head before his eyes went wide, seeing a huge crowd of people show up behind James. "James, run fer yer life...Their onto us!" Bill screamed, it was high pitched, much like a females.
Looking behind him, James scrambled and booked it forward, grabbing onto the back of Bills shirt and pulling him along with him. "Dang it Bill, why you got to be so damn heavy all the time?" James asked, running around the corner and finding blinding light his eyes. Blinded, he ran straight into a poll. Bill was thrown upwards into the sky. He quickly took the cheese and stabbed it through the top of the poll to keep from falling.
"James...hey James, wake up...I, I'm danglin...hey James!?" Bill stated, his voice high pitched again as he held onto the cheese for dear life.
"B-Bill, what are you doing up there...what did you do to the cheese?" He asked, looking behind him and feeling his forehead. "dammit Bill..." He complained, standing up and starting to climb up the poll to Bill. Once he got up the poll, he pulled the cheese off of it and held it with one hand. "You don't get to hold the cheese any more Bill." He growled, looking around for a place to go before a large bird came down and picked the both of them up, pecking at the cheese.
"James, the birds tryin to eat our cheese!" Bill growled, trying to kick the bird's beak. "Jame's what we do now? " He asked, looking down as they were flown across the water.
"What ever we do, we ain't given up our Cheese!" James stated, smacking the brid hard in the eye, causing the bird to squawk and let them go. "Dammit Bill, now look what you've done!" James blamed, watching as the ocean beneath them got closer.
Bill glared at James and attacked him in mid air. "What'd I do ya big oaf of a man! Just cause yer better lookin then me, and taller, an' skinner, don't mean you can put all the blame on me!" Bill angrily said, kicking James. "Ya know what, I'm sick of this cheese! It got us into nothin but trouble! Ya stupid brute." Bill stated, grabbing the cheese out of James' arms and throwing it to the distance. James watched it in pure silence for a while before attacking Bill.
After a moment of the cheeses flight, a huge monster jumped and ate it whole, then disappeared into the water. It took a while for it to fully go back under, as it was long. Bill and James looked at each other, strangling each other just moments before. Looking back to where the cheese had been just seconds earlier, they screamed and grasped onto each other, hitting the water. "Bill, swim SWIM!!!" James yelled, paddling for dear life forward. Bill behind him trying his best to do the same.
"None of this woulda happened if it weren't for that cheese!" Bill yelled as the large monster's head toward over behind them. It was green, its eyes a vibrant yellow. It's nostrils blew air, making the water dip and throw Bill and Jame's off under. "JAMES!!!!!" Bill yelled as James and Bill held onto each other like sobbing children.
The monsters mouth came over them and swallowed them whole. "Now look at where we are Bill...ya idoit. If you hadn't of thrown that damn cheese, im sure the worst we would of gotten was a could fish bitten our legs. But no, you had to tempt the sea monster with cheese. Not only that BUT WITH THE LAST CHEESE ON THE PLANET!" James yelled, inside the monsters belly. "Who knows how long we will be in here for." He grumbled .
"Ya know what James...I'v had it with ya!" Bill growled, punching James in the face and getting in a fist fight.
20 years later. "Bill would ya look at that, I think I actually found a way out! This way Bill!" James shouted, a beard growing long.
Bill was no longer fat, he was skinny, a fair haired, and well looking, other then being rather messy and dirty, man. "I'm comin James." Bill said, walking behind James as they neared a white hole. Voices were outside them.
"Hey...look at this honker. Who would of thought that this boy, Valor would kill the sea monster and bring him home for dinner? Way to go Valor." A voice stated, hearing the sound of someone getting pat on the back.
As James pulled the cut of skin back, they came face to face with familiar faces. "LIGHT! James its light! Air!" Bill stated. Everyone around the sea monsters body were surprised, they backed away in disgust and then recognition came to them. "Oi, aint those the ones who lost the cheese?" One woman said, pointing to James and Bill.
Bill and James looked at each other, and gave a sheepish grin. "Hey now...haha..." James stated, backing away from the ground as they took out their fishing harpoons.
"GET 'IM BOYS!" A strong man stated.
· Sun Jul 11, 2010 @ 12:26am · 0 Comments
They are our Skill
They are our base
They are our circuts
Yet are blind
They are our jewels
They are our memories
They are our words
They are our personalities
They are our structures
· Thu May 27, 2010 @ 05:51am · 0 Comments
It is the Truth
that know the lies
The lies that know
If its not trust
than It is but the lies
that brings upon
Truth, and Trust
it is and shall
always be that which is
and which isn't.
Live to tell the truth
die to Lie with in the truth
and Breath to fear the lies
of the truth that wrap the soul in slumber.
· Sat Mar 27, 2010 @ 08:57am · 0 Comments
How foolish are our minds
that we know not of what is
How foolish are our thoughts
that they wandero to dark corners
How foolish does a human become
when the green monster appears to eat their soul
How foolish is the heart
that bleeds for the pain it causes
How foolish is the hand
That brings the sword to the throat
The hand that holds the future and forever misses it
· Tue Mar 23, 2010 @ 06:05am · 1 Comments